Liar Liar

99

Luke Simms stared at himself in the mirror and felt nothing but shame. He had tried his best for his mum and his sister, but to his eyes he still looked ridiculous. His hair had been cut and styled, and make-up applied to conceal his bruises, and his dad had bought him a smart jacket, shirt and tie. But all he could see was his two preposterous legs, cased in plaster and hoisted up in the air on the end of long metal arms. If he wanted to go to his family’s funeral, this was how it had to be – his father pushing him along in a specially adapted wheelchair – but it didn’t make it any better. He looked comic and it felt as if he was mocking proceedings, rather than paying his respects.

The funeral was only a few hours away now. Luke knew this moment had to come, but now it was here he didn’t feel ready. It still didn’t seem real. His mum and Alice – he had taken their goodness, love and humour for granted, he had taken their presence for granted – and now they were gone. Just like that. Today they would bury them. As if it was all done and dusted. As if they could close that chapter and move on.

They had no home now and only half a family. If Luke was honest, he wasn’t even sure he had that. He had asked his dad to stay with him this morning, but something had come up and he’d had to head into town. Where he was going, he wouldn’t say. He didn’t seem to say much to Luke since they’d moved in here. He looked after him, dressed his wounds, helped him to the toilet, in and out of bed, did everything that could be expected of him. But he didn’t talk. Luke wanted to, wanted to find out if his father felt the same sense of emptiness and desolation, the same sense that this was… a bad dream with no ending. But his dad never gave him the opportunity. He was so caught up in the business of death.

He didn’t really understand how you went about these things. How did you organize a funeral? Perhaps in later life, when he was older, he would reflect that he had judged his father harshly. But he nevertheless felt his father was avoiding him. He didn’t look him in the eye, didn’t engage him in conversations of any length. Was Luke harsh to blame him? Probably. But the truth was Luke missed him. He really missed him. He had lost his beloved mother and sister and now he felt that he was losing his father too.