Liar Liar

106

Thomas knelt down, so that he was at eye level with his son. Luke smiled awkwardly at him and in that moment Thomas saw that Charlie Brooks had been right. He had been guilty of neglecting his son, just when he needed his father most. He felt deep shame and sadness rise up in him and, not trusting himself to speak, simply stroked his son’s cheek. Tears immediately appeared in his son’s eyes, mirrored now in his own and he dropped his gaze to his son’s tie, which was characteristically askew. Gently, he straightened it for him.

‘I messed up today, son,’ Thomas said eventually. ‘I should have been here with you, but I wasn’t. Instead I let my emotions get the better of me and well… this is the result.’

He grimaced ruefully, as he gestured to the scratches on his face.

Luke returned the smile, but it was unconvincing – riven with anxiety and fear. Once again Thomas felt deep guilt at having put his own needs – his own anger – before his son’s happiness.

‘We’ll need to be off in a little while, so I wanted to have a little chat with you first.’

Luke nodded cautiously, so Thomas proceeded:

‘I… I haven’t been a very good dad the last few days. I won’t try to excuse my behaviour, all I will say is that I’ve been struggling a bit. I never prepared for… this.’

Luke stared at him, but Thomas was pleased to see there was no judgement in his expression.

‘So we’re going to have to find our way together, if that’s ok. Starting with today. You’ll never have to face anything as hard as what you’re about to do. There will be a lot of people at the funeral, there will be others – journalists, well-wishers – on the periphery. They will all want to talk to you, they’ll all want to offer you support, to ask you questions, to check that you’re ok. The answer is of course not, but they’ll ask anyway. And in the middle of all that, we’re going to have to… to say goodbye to Mum and Ali. A boy your age should never have to face something like this and I’m so, so sorry that you have to now. But – and this is the important bit – you won’t have to face it alone, ok? I’m going to be by your side every step of the way. Everything we face from now on, we face together.’

Luke said nothing, simply folding his father into an embrace and nestling his wet face into his shoulder. Thomas held him as he cried and for the first time since that awful night felt some strength returning to him.

As he hugged his son tight, he said a silent prayer for his wife and daughter. For his lovely son. And for the sage counsel of Charlie Brooks.