Myth-Fortunes

Chapter 10

"Ready?" I asked, extending my arm to Tananda.

"Ready," she said, smiling a little uncertainly.

I was nervous, too. I had set everything up in advance for our evening out, and I hoped the arrangements would please her. I wore an open-necked shirt in a deep slate blue that Bunny thought was my best-looking shirt, and sand-colored trousers. I had resisted the impulse to wear my favorite shoes, the ones with the toes that curled over twice before terminating in tiny bells. Instead, I had a pair of comfortable ankle-high boots in case I needed to do any fetching and carrying for her.

Speaking of fetching, Tananda wore a low-cut dress of green fabric so thin that it looked as if it had been painted on her but remained opaque. I scanned it for magik, but it must just have been a master weaver's accomplishment. The skirt was not as short as she normally wore, but it flared with each step, revealing a bewitching glimpse of knees. Tananda's were worth looking at, no matter what. The shoes were a puzzle to me, as most women's shoes were. Why anyone would bind themselves into a network of narrow straps on top of an acute slope of sole attached to a heel no wider than my little finger was a mystery I didn't understand. You couldn't run away in them. The narrow sole made it awkward to stand on one foot to use the stiletto for a weapon. Still, they made her legs look even more attractive than ever.

I escorted her out of the flap of the M.Y.T.H., Inc., tent and helped her into a chuckshaw, a local two-wheeled vehicle that was pulled by a team of Soxen, one red and one white. They trundled down the streets of the Bazaar, kicking up dust and emitting the kind of flatulence that you'd expect from large

herdbeasts. I had paid them to keep from defecating until after they had dropped us off. That would spoil the mood I hoped to achieve. As evening settled over the Bazaar, the air remained stiflingly hot. It would take an hour after the sun went down before the desert cooled. Coming from the temperate climate of the dimension of my birth, I still marveled at the extremes of living in a desert.

I chatted about this observation and compared it with conditions in Ghordon.

"It's funny how alike they are," I commented. "I'm used to dimensions being really different from one another. If you'd asked me before I left Klah for the first time, I would have said there was only one way for a climate to behave, but I like the variety. What is the weather like in Trollia?"

"Different," Tananda said, unexpectedly terse.

As Tananda sat against me in the curved but not adequately padded seat, I could feel the tension in her body. For someone who came from a race of beings who enjoyed— no, actively sought out—intimate contact with others, her behavior was unnatural. I hoped by the end of the evening she would relax. Perhaps a gift would improve her mood.

"Here," I said, pulling a small box out from behind me and setting it in her lap. She looked through the clear top at the contents. White blossoms of nested oblong petals lay clustered on curling, blue-green foliage.

"Flowers?" she asked weakly.

"Squizzias," I said. "They're rare flowers from Klah. They smell really nice. My mother used to grow them in the front garden of our farm house. They're her favorite. I hoped you'd like them, too."

"I'm . . . honored," Tananda said. She opened the box and lifted the blossoms to her cheek. "Mmm. They smell delicious."

"Shall I help you pin it on?" I asked. The Deveel florist in the Bazaar had given me pretty specific instructions on how not to puncture my date with the pin. He had let me try out the lethal-looking metal skewer several times on a dummy he kept in its shop for that purpose. When it stopped saying "ouch," I found I had become pretty expert at attaching corsages. Tananda fended off my helpful hands.

"No, thanks, honey. I'll take care of it." With deft fingers, she attached the cluster of flowers to her bodice high on her shoulder. I admired the effect. She was really beautiful. I never forgot that—I'm still breathing—but sometimes it just struck me like a sack of rocks.

"That looks nice on you," I stammered out.

For the first time I could recall since I met her, Tananda blushed. Her cheeks bloomed slightly green. Instead of commenting on it, I told her about the pyramid complex, without going into a discussion of the problems or the suspicions Aahz and I had about their source. You never knew if the Soxen were in the pay of any Deveel hoping to pick up useful information from people who forgot that the cab had ears.

Before I knew it, we had arrived. Le Mouton Suprisee had a long line waiting to be seated. I handed Tananda down from the chuckshaw and escorted her boldly past the line of dapper Deveels and their dates. Some of the customers gave us dirty looks, some looks of envy, and some both. I didn't acknowledge any of them, concentrating on getting Tananda safely inside.

"Mister Skeeve! How wonderful to see you this evening! And the lovely lady!"

The maitre d', who had responded to a little early bribery in the way of all good servers, seated us with

effusion at the table I had chosen earlier: near the front window, in between a couple of potted plants to give us the greatest possible privacy while we watched the nightly perambulations of the Bazaar outside. He furnished us with leather-bound menus and bowed himself away to wait on the next good client. I smiled. So far, everything was working out as I had planned it.

Over the top of her menu, Tanda raised an eyebrow at me.

"Is there anything you think I should choose?"

"Nope," I said expansively. "Try whatever you like." I read down the list to make my own selection. The prices made my inner farm-boy choke, but my modern, executive magician self had plenty of money and a willingness to give enjoyment to my guest. The menu of Le Mouton Surprisee listed every kind of elegant dish I had ever heard of, plus hundreds of things I hadn't in its crisp parchment pages

Next in the line of employees who would expected tips was the wine steward, a female Deveel wearing her badge of office, a silver tasting cup on a chain around her neck. In the past, my knowledge of wine was limited to what didn't taste bad enough to spit out. I had since learned to pay more attention to quality, as I limited myself to one glass per night. That, I promised myself, would be the case this evening, no matter how nervous I was.

And I was nervous. I was controlling myself from shaking with a solid dollop of magik. I wondered if Tananda could tell. She knew me better than almost anyone. It mattered to me to make this evening special.

"What do you recommend?" I asked.

That was the wrong question.

"Well, sir," the sommelier said, beaming, "I am so glad you asked." She launched into a lecture on grapes, slopes, sun, brix—which I had always thought of as an uncomfortable operation—age, barrels and a whole lot of other esoteric information which would have been more useful had I planned to go into winemaking instead of wine-drinking. I needed to take control of the situation. Tananda couldn't help grinning mischievously at the expression on my face.

I held up my hands to stem the outburst.

"Hold on!" I said. "If you offer classes, I'll come and take one someday. In the meanwhile, what's the least I need to know to order something that will taste good with the food here?"

"Are you planning to order meat, fish, reptile, fowl, insect or other?" the Deveel woman asked. "That's the least J need to know to recommend a wine."

"Fish," Tananda said.

"Me, too," I said.

"Then a white or a green would be your best choice."

I grinned at Tananda. "I think we'd like a nice green from somewhere in the middle of your list. We've got a green theme going, and I think it'd be fun to continue."

For some reason my joke made Tananda blush again.

"As you wish, sir." The Deveel held out her palm. I dropped a tip into it, not too much or too little, I

hoped. She seemed pleased by it, or as pleased as any Deveel was to get a portion of the contents of your money pouch instead of the whole amount. She snapped her fingers. In an instant, a brown glass bottle and a pair of tall, delicate wine glasses floated gently toward us. The wine steward plucked the bottle from the air, ran her talon around the foil seal, and extracted the cork, all with one hand. I almost applauded. She poured a little for each of us. I tasted it. The pale green wine was as unlike my normal tipple as could be.

"This is great," I said.

"Mmm," Tananda agreed.

After filling our glasses, the Deveel withdrew discreetly, to be replaced by a young Imp who supplied us with bread (woven basket) and water (cut crystal pitcher), the elderly Deveel who snapped open our napkins and set them on our laps, the pair of young, perky girls who replaced our table settings with a whole new set of plates, cutlery, and glasses, all of whom extended their palms to me before or after service was rendered. At last, an unctuous male Deveel appeared armed with a gleaming ivory square and a pencil. He bowed to Tanda, then to me.

"May I have your orders, sir and madame?"

After some urging from me, Tananda went down the menu with a hunter's eye. I followed her example, ordering appetizer, soup, salad, and one of the fish dishes. I had never heard the name before, but if the food was anything like the wine, I was in for a treat.

"And, sir," the waiter said, "it is green. As sir has expressed his preference, we wish to please."

That made me blush. He withdrew, bowing. Tananda let out a low chuckle that only I could hear. I hope. I covered my embarrassment by blurting out conversation.

"I. . . er . . . got a message from Chumley today," I said.

Tanda's eyes went wide, and she looked around. There was a discreet screen of magik between each table intended to mute sound. I realized I could scarcely hear the diners nearest to us. She turned back and whispered, "You did?"

I felt awkward. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. "Uh, yeah. I, uh, heard he's fine. Enjoying the weather."

Tananda's mouth curved in a rueful smile. "I'm happy to hear that. I do worry about Big Brother when he's out of my sight. You know I couldn't tell you where he goes. As far as I know, it doesn't interfere with anyone else's assignment."

"I don't think so, either, but it's always good to know he's . . . around."

If I had said I had seen him in Ghordon, I might blow his cover. I had no idea if his assignment was dangerous, but I was utterly unwilling to put Chumley or any of my friends in danger.

"Well, tell him I love him the next time you send him a message," Tanda said. She smiled at me. "Big Brother and I are so glad you're back in town. I know I visited the inn once in a while, but it hasn't been the same."

"I know," I said. "I felt that way, too. It took a while before I was ready to come back. Then I almost ruined everything when I did."

"Don't beat yourself up, tiger. We'd all been thinking about you so much that it took us a moment to realize what your return meant. I'm glad that it worked out."

"Bunny seems to be handling the presidency well. Better than I ever could."

"Family training," Tananda said, "although she told me the titles generally get passed to a male heir. Not always, of course. She's nervous about making sure the business runs smoothly."

"Gosh, you could never tell she was nervous," I said.

"Oh, she is! She wants to get everything right. I keep telling her that we trust her. She doesn't have to try so hard."

I smiled. "She's one of the most competent people I know, present company excepted."

Tananda grinned. "Thanks, but you don't have to compliment me. I like my job. When the gang broke up the first time, I did some freelance assignments, and a few with Big Brother, but I missed the camaraderie. I've really never been so close to anyone in my life who wasn't family."

"Me, neither," I said, looking deeply into her eyes.

An uneasy silence fell. I was almost grateful when a Deveelish maiden brought a bowl and towels for us to wash our hands. A chandler arrived to trim the wicks of the candles on our table. The appetizers, Deveelish dancing dumplings, arrived. By then, the awkward moment had passed.

That would have been a good time to bring up the subject of Aahz's health. Then I had a good look around the restaurant, and realized I couldn't. It wasn't just Tananda's discomfort, though that was a big part of it. Instead, I asked her about growing up on Trollia. She didn't mind talking about her childhood. I found it an eye-opening conversation. I asked a few leading questions and listened with fascination while she did most of the talking. Finally, she was relaxed enough to laugh. We started to lean closer and closer to one another. I admired the shape of her face, the charm of her features.

"Madame and sir, the soup," a Deveel server announced. We sprang back, I very reluctantly.

The food was every bit as good as Nunzio had said. I enjoyed all the courses. I couldn't have described what was different about the taste of the fish from all the ones I had eaten before, but it was better. The service was unbelievably smooth. Our empty plates were whisked away without a fuss, by magik. No crumb ever marred the perfection of the white tablecloth for more than a moment. Our glasses always held exactly the right amount of wine.

At last, time came for dessert. Over the years, I had learned some of Tananda's likes and dislikes, including her favorite flavors. When I had discussed her tastes with the maitre d', he had laughed as if I had just told him a good dirty joke and given me a lascivious wink. I hoped the dish wasn't an obscene suggestion of some kind.

I watched her face as the dessert arrived. To me, the rounded shapes in the dish didn't seem suggestive of body parts or anything I could construe as objectionable.

"Passionfruit and angelberry sundaes!" Tananda said. She looked delighted, which made me feel great.

The wine steward appeared once more, to pour a lighter vintage than the one that had accompanied the savory courses of the meal. It went down pretty smoothly, too.

"I hope you're enjoying yourself," I said, reaching out to touch Tananda's hand. She held very still.

"I am, Skeeve. I can't tell you how much."

"That's great." I looked into her eyes. They were a lighter green than her hair, almost like tourmalines. "I've been hoping for a chance like this for a really long time. I'm really happy that you said you would come out with me."

"Skeeve ..." Tananda looked at me searchingly. "You know, I'm a lot older than you are."

"That doesn't matter," I said. "Honest. That's never mattered between us. Has it? At least I don't think it matters."

Tananda drew her hand back. "But it matters to me. And, actually, I'm seeing someone. ..."

"That shouldn't make any difference to us, not here and now."

Tananda tried again. "I don't know how to tell you this, Skeeve—don't get me wrong: this was a wonderful date, and you were so sweet to ask me—but, well, you have to know that nothing would ever work out between us. I know this hurts a lot of guys' egos, but I've always thought of you as the little brother I never had."

I whistled. Patrons at nearby tables turned to stare at me. "That's great!" I exclaimed. "That's perfect!"

Tananda blinked. "It is?"

"Oh, well, yeah." I couldn't believe how relieved I felt. "That's just how I hoped you would feel. I mean, I have tried going out before, like with Cassandra4. Things just went too fast. I never got to know her; and, well, you know what happened. Everyone knew. It was a big mistake. I made a fool of myself, and I didn't handle it well. None of my attempts to find a girlfriend have worked out. The problem is that I just didn't have a lot of experience dating while I was growing up on Klah. If you don't mind, I could really use your advice on how to treat a woman the way she wants to be treated. There just aren't a lot of people I can trust with this sort of thing. I mean, to everyone else I'm supposed to be the Great Skeeve. I should know everything, and I don't. I knew you'd tell me the truth, because you're one of my best friends. I've always prized your honesty. Give it to me straight: how'm I doing?"

Tananda threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, Skeeve, you don't know how much you worried me. How much you worried all of us."

I grinned. "I know. I can see Aahz back there in the corner trying to pretend he's a potted plant. That's Massha and General Badaxe in the front table. They might be disguised as Deveels, but look at the way the tables on either side of them are pushed out to give them enough room. Bunny brought our entrees. You couldn't conceal the way she walks with any kind of illusion. And Guido's in the kitchen, isn't he?"

Tananda's eyebrows flew up. "How do you know?"

I drew the miniature crossbow quarrel out of my folded napkin and held it up. "This was in my soup. I've picked birdshot out of game hens, but you don't have to shoot squash."

"I guess the jig is up," Tananda said, looking sheepish. "We were just concerned about you."

"I appreciate it," I said. "You didn't think . . . ?"

The look on her face said she had, but she said, "I hoped not, but I didn't want to refuse automatically before I knew what you wanted. I had to give you a chance. You're one of my best friends, too." She leaned over and kissed me. The potted plant in the corner rustled fiercely. Tananda drew back and laughed again. She beckoned to it, and Aahz emerged with all the finesse of a child who didn't want to be kissed wrestling his way out of his great-aunt's grasp. He stalked over to a nearby table and sat down at it as if he had just taken a wrong turn coming from the men's room. I shook my head.

"How'd everyone know where to come? I didn't tell you the name of the restaurant. It was meant to be a big surprise."

Tananda looked a little embarrassed. "You asked Nunzio for recommendations on good places to eat. If there's one thing the Mob knows, it's good food."

"He told you?" I asked, dismayed.

"No. He respected your confidence. He didn't want to say specifically, but we narrowed it down based on where you said it was. You noticed everyone else left this evening before we did."

I lifted my shoulders sheepishly. "I guess I did, but I didn't think about it. They came out here first to spy on us?"

"Maybe a little," Tananda admitted. "That's not the only reason. We have to look out for each other. We've got some open investigations, and the proponents might just consider it a Crom-send if one or two of us were out in plain sight alone. Not that we all can't take care of ourselves," she added. "You must have noticed how Aahz never sits with his back to a door or a window. You've been doing it since you started hanging out with him, too. It's just smart planning."

I nodded. "See? One more thing I didn't think of but I have to take into account. We're in a high-risk business. We have enemies. We've got assets. I've got to think about my date's safety as well as whether she's enjoying herself."

"So is there a name to that 'she'?" Tananda asked, her bright green eyes narrowing into merry crinkles.

"No," I said honestly. "Nobody."

"You don't have anyone in mind right now?" Tananda wheedled. "Really? I mean, it isn't any of my business if you do."

"No, I swear. I just wanted to get some experience taking someone out and showing her a good time. If you don't mind. Now that Bunny's my boss, I thought it would be out of place to ask her. Massha's married. Pookie doesn't give the kind of advice that really works for me."

"You do tackle everything as if it was a magik lesson, don't you?"

I felt my cheeks burn. "I'm not trying to be calculating. I'm just so good at falling over my own feet. It makes me nervous enough when I meet a pretty girl. I'd like to look like I know what I'm doing. I mean, to a certain extent." I was horrified, worrying that she might think that I would push things too far. But I should have trusted her.

Tananda smiled gently and put her hand back on mine. "I understand exactly what you mean. Believe me, girls feel the same way."

"Really?"

"Really. Do you want me to fix you up with anyone? I've got a cousin about your age who's a lot of fun. You could try out your skills on a real date."

I held up my hands. "No, thanks, not yet. I'm not looking at the moment. If it happens, it happens. Besides, I had fun. Did you?"

"Yes, I did," Tananda said. "It was wonderful. Thank you, Skeeve. I guess we both learned something this evening."

"Then would you be willing to go out with me again? As a friend and advisor?"

"Any time, tiger," she said, lowering her eyelids so she could look at me through her lashes. "You don't need any advice from me, not really. If you need a testimonial for some lucky lady, just let me know."

I floated away from the restaurant happily. That night, I had great dreams.