Myth-Fortunes

Chapter 5

Samwise was still talking. "... So I said to myself, who wouldn't want their very own monumental tomb? Everyone has to die sometime. So why not find like-minded individuals, with money, of course, to create that fantastic piece of real estate in time for . . . in time for . . . " The Imp sought a suitable euphemism.

"... Their permanent nap?" Aahz supplied.

"Mister Aahz!" Samwise said, shocked. "I have the greatest respect for my clientele. It's something that everyone's going to need eventually, even Vampires; and Ghordon is a dimension at easy access to Limbo as well as Klah and Deva. It can't miss!"

Aahz gave Samwise a wary eye, but I put it down more to his dislike for Limbo than the idea of a modest commission per sale. We could do well financially out of the deal. I just kept thinking there had to be a catch.

We passed the top tier of guards. They bowed to Samwise and looked us over pretty carefully. Though most of them were Ghords, I was surprised to see a Titan, a Troll, and a few other surprising species represented.

"You do a little hiring from outside the dimension," I mentioned casually, tilting my head toward the Titan. Aahz's eyebrows rose when he saw him. Titans—gigantic, well-muscled and silver-skinned—had notoriously bad tempers. They disliked working for anyone but themselves. Rumor had it that they even ate their own children if they were displeased. I took that last with a grain of salt. After all, I had heard some pretty disgusting rumors about Pervects. Most of them weren't true, no matter how much Perv spent on P.R.

"Oh, yeah," Samwise said. "They are here to work off the cost of their own pyramid tombs—their piece of the rock, so to speak."

"Speaking of that, let's talk about financial specifics," Aahz suggested smoothly. I could tell he wanted the top spot on the pyramid being built.

"Fine." Samwise rubbed his palms together. "What can I do for you, my friend?"

"Well," Aahz said, looking unimpressed as he watched the Scarabs manhandle—or should I say, beetle-handle?— another massive slab up the ramps and into place on the current level below us, "I think maybe you have something going on here—maybe. It's not great yet—but with our help it could be bigger than Diksen's place."

Samwise's eye summed Aahz up. I think he knew exactly where Aahz was going. An Imp making a deal is a weakling compared with a Deveel, but they can usually hold their own against a Pervect. Still, he'd never dealt with Aahz before. I stood back to enjoy the bargaining.

"Well, my friend—I can call you my friend, can't I?"

"No," Aahz said. "M.Y.T.H., Inc., can be your business partner or your paid consultants. Depends on how devoted you want us to your enterprise."

"I've always believed in letting enterprise go where it wants to. Exploring strange new worlds, you know," Samwise said.

Aahz grinned.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Tell you later, kid. So, Sam, what's it going to be? Your construction project has a long way to go before it equals the magnificence of the guy next door."

"What do you have in mind?" Samwise asked. "I don't really need you, but you would be a great help."

"That's not what it sounded like in our office," Aahz countered. "You would have sold us the whole farm if we had asked."

"I was just using my powers of persuasion on you, Aahz," Samwise counter-countered. "It worked, didn't it? You're here!"

"This was all a fake?" Aahz bellowed. "I suppose you set up the accident to make it look good!"

"You impugn my honor?" Samwise demanded. "Imps don't have any!" "And Perverts do?" "That's Per-vect!"

"Where I come from, it's pronounced Per-vert!"

I stumped upward, letting nature take its course. As the two of them hammered out a price for M.Y.T.H., Inc.'s services, I concentrated on feeling my way along the invisible steps.

"Ten percent! We wouldn't get out of bed for ten percent!" Aahz shouted. "You should have offered us twenty-five!"

"If I give you twenty-five, my profit is gone! Twelve! That's my highest offer!"

A Ghord salesman with a lion's face and a thick mane peeking out from under his headcloth mounted the steps on the opposite face of the pyramid to ours. With him was a family of Kobolds, denizens of a dimension that relied on technology rather than magik. I recognized them by their gray skin, domed heads and large, almost black eyes. The adults were almost identically skinny and small. I could tell the wife from the husband only because she had a bun of black hair coiled up on the top of her head, and she was carrying a pink Perfectly Darling Assistant instead of a steel-blue one as the other one had. They were talking in symbols that were nearly readable in spite of the distance. The Ghord halted them at the top

level of stones, pointing out some feature I couldn't see. The male Kobold shook his head, and pointed upward. The Ghord pointed to his clipboard. The female Kobold countered, angling the screen of her PDA so he could see it. They were negotiating, too. The Ghord led them upward a level at a time until the Kobolds began to look happy. They started exchanging symbols again. They soon were far above us, still gesturing back and forth. The children looked bored, but they tagged along behind, sending messages to one another with fruit colored devices. The cloud of symbols got more complex the higher the party ascended. When they were about fifty feet above me, the Ghord stopped and offered the adults his stone clipboard. The Kobolds became excited and shook hands with him several times. At least they had come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion. I glanced back. Not like Aahz and Samwise. The Imp blustered.

"Fifteen percent! Not a copper coin more."

"Twenty-three," Aahz said. "We're worth twice that. You came to us because of our reputation. We'll make it worth your while."

"Twenty-three! My children will starve!" the Imp pleaded, wringing his hands.

"Do you have any children?" I asked.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Samwise demanded. "What happens when I do? They won't have any food, thanks to your greedy partner."

"Pal, if you haven't worked in a twenty percent fudge factor, then you'd better turn in your horns," Aahz said dryly.

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"How about naive? Is naive better?"

"We Imps were running successful businesses before Perverts stopped contemplating each others' navels! Sixteen, or nothing!"

"I don't know why I bother," Aahz snarled. "Sounds like you don't value our services. It would serve you right if we walk out and your entire project comes crashing down on your head!"

A wild yell interrupted us. We looked up. The Kobold had backed up along the invisible platform with his PDA held up to his eye. He missed a step and fell. He plummeted toward the open layer of stones far below.

Samwise squawked. With a disgusted look, Aahz leaned out over the edge and held out a hand. The Kobold reached out for it, but missed by inches. His wife and children shrieked, filling the air with exclamation points.

I threw myself flat on the stairs and tossed a handful of magik woven into a rope toward the Kobold. It flew down, easily outdistancing the falling body. It wrapped around his waist like a snake. His weight yanked me close to the edge, but I anchored myself with more magik. On my command, the rope retracted slowly. When he came within reach, I grabbed the Kobold and helped him up onto our steps.

The little male recovered his wits swiftly. He shook hands with us several times, and emitted a stream of unintelligible symbols.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"#$*&;@!" he exclaimed, his face a darker shade of gray. He waved angrily toward the Ghord, then

turned to me. . . . :-).

"Gee, am I glad to hear that," I said.

As soon as he was free of my spell, the Kobold opened his small device and tapped the keys with one finger. A handful of sparkling points rose into the air. They lengthened into lines, then spread out into geometric shapes. At his command, the shapes collected themselves into a narrow platform supported by a framework of wedges.

"Mathematical construct," Aahz said, approvingly. The Kobold gave us a cheery wave and walked across to the other staircase.

His wailing spouse and family surrounded him as soon as he arrived on the other side. The Ghord politely dusted him off. Small symbols filled the air as the Kobold gave his guide a piece of his mind. The female turned toward me. Her mouth moved. A single symbol appeared over her head. It looked like a pair of puckered lips. They blew me a kiss.

"My pleasure!" I shouted and waved. I glanced down again. In the middle of the expanse, a single Ghord stood staring up at us. He looked so tiny in the distance that my stomach did a double roll. I gathered up more magik from the force lines, just to be sure. Then I picked myself up and dusted myself off.

"I suppose," Samwise said, weakly, "that I could squeeze out twenty percent of net profits."

"Ten percent ..." Aahz said.

Samwise looked astonished, but he grabbed Aahz's hand and shook it.

"Ten percent? Done!"

"... Of gross," Aahz finished, firmly. Samwise gawked at him.

"Gross! Not a chance!"

Aahz looked unconcerned. "Gross. Or the kid and I find the nearest inn and drink it dry. You can deal with your own problems. We wouldn't be around for the next potential customer to take an unscheduled dive."

Samwise swallowed hard.

"Gross," he said, weakly. "I suppose . . . your expertise would be worth it." "Right," Aahz said. He stalked uphill. I followed. Aahz was still up to something-Samwise hurried on his shorter legs to catch up with us. "So," Aahz said, "that's my partners taken care of. What can you do to make me happy?"

"Ah, yes! You showed some interest in joining our little community here." Samwise rubbed his hands. "Well, then, you understood the cooperative nature of my business here. I don't have to draw a picture for you, do I? If you want to secure a spot on this fine edifice, you just have to say the word. I'd be delighted to have you involved—delighted! I have locations on almost every level. Your indoor locations are, of course, much more modest in price than your outdoor locations, but the spells provided by our magicians make certain that you and your loved ones will have permanent access. Furnish it with whatever goods you choose. Decorate it! Our artists and artisans are the finest to be found anywhere in Ghordon. The neighbors are all quiet. And you'll never find a better deal in your life. Or death. Ha ha ha."

I was not amused.

"What about theft?" I asked. "You said you had a problem?"

Samwise grinned, showing a mouthful of pointed teeth that would once have daunted me, but I'd seen lots bigger and worse since I started working with Aahz. "I hired the most notorious bandit chiefs from the three biggest bands as my consultants to prevent shrinkage. Nothing that has been left by the owners for safekeeping in any of the tombs has been stolen."

"Yet," Aahz said.

Samwise hurried past me until he was only a step behind Aahz.

"And that's something I expect you will advise me on, now that we have agreed as to terms. I can even offer you an advantageous price for a stone."

"How advantageous?" Aahz asked.

Samwise puffed after him. "In the name of good will, to my new consultant, a generous offer is in order."

Aahz waved a dismissive hand. "And how much is that translated from Imp-speak?"

"Oh, twenty percent off." Samwise said. "If you take a look down, you can see our model tombs. The tops have been made transparent so you can see the dimensions and the workmanship."

"Twenty percent off how much?" I asked. I peered down at the rectangular cases. They looked like identical shoe boxes fitted together side by side. "They all look the same to me."

"Naturally, the price is different for identical repositories depending upon how high up the pyramid you buy, my friend," he said. "And there are other amenities we can discuss once you decide on your location." He stopped and bent over with his hands on his knees.

Aahz continued upward, ignoring both of us. When it felt like we had been climbing for an hour, he touched the air with his foot, then stopped where he was. I looked down again, and realized that we were almost at the center of the massive square formed by the sides of the pyramid. Aahz must be standing on the apex.

"What about this one?" Aahz asked.