The Happiness Equation: Want Nothing + Do Anything = Have Everything

5

The 3 S’s of success

How can I be successful?”

I smiled at the eager fifty-something woman beside me. We were sitting at Table 1 at a banquet dinner for SHAD, a nonprofit for which I sit on the board of directors, as students paraded across the stage winning awards. Me being a director, she being a sponsor, we would be sitting a foot apart for the next two hours. The chairman of the board introduced us with a big grin and said, “Neil’s a New York Times bestseller who’s sold over a million books! Nancy wants to be a writer! Enjoy!”

Now I was smiling at her bright and shiny face. She spent a few minutes telling me about the years she’d spent writing novels that she’s never shown anybody. Then came the big question.

“What’s your secret to success?” she asked.

I paused for a minute and thought about it.

“Do you have a pen?” I asked, grabbing a napkin. “Let me show you a scribble.”

“There are three S’s of Success,” I started. “I put them in The Success Triangle. It took me a really long time to figure this out. The first step is actually figuring out what kind of success you want.”

Sales success is about sales. Your book is a commercial hit! Everybody’s reading it, everybody’s talking about it, you’re on TV. You sell hundreds then thousands then millions of copies. Your book becomes an “it book.” A catchphrase. Dump trucks beep while backing into your garage to pour endless royalty payments.

Social success means you’re a success among your peers. People you respect. This is critical success. The industry loves you! The New York Times reviews your book. You’re short-listed for the Man Booker Prize. An influential author you look up to sends you a letter, which feels like gold.

Self success is in your head. It’s invisible! Only you know if you have it. Self success means you achieved what you wanted to achieve. For yourself. You’re genuinely proud of your accomplishment, you’re happy with your work, and, most important, you’re satisfied. You want nothing. You feel contentment. Some people believe without self success, no amount of sales or social success will ever feel meaningful.

The 3 S’s of Success apply to all industries, professions, and aspects of life. Success is not one-dimensional. You must decide what kind of success you want.

Are you in marketing? Sales success means your product flew off the shelves, sales shot through the roof, and your numbers blew away forecasts. Social success means you were written up in prestigious magazines. Nominated for an award. Recognized by the CEO at a company meeting. Self success? That’s the same. How do you feel about your accomplishments?

Are you a teacher? Sales success means you’re offered promotions. Asked if you’re interested in becoming vice principal or principal one day. Social success means you’re presenting at conferences, mentoring new teachers, and the principal talks about your work. Self success? That’s the same. How do you feel about your accomplishments?

Here’s the catch: It is impossible to have all three successes.

I say this because I’ve never seen it and I don’t think you should aspire toward it. At least at first. If you have one type of success for a very long time, and then you add another for a long time, then sure. Go ahead. Try for the third.

But often two corners of The Success Triangle actually prevent the third.

How so?

Well, sales success can block self success. That’s what happened when I got hooked on blog counters and bestseller lists. My personal goals suddenly took a backseat to more tangible commercial goals. Think of Krusty the Clown–brand cough syrup, home pregnancy tests, and imitation gruel. (“Nine out of ten orphans can’t tell the difference.”) This is the artist who sells out. There’s nothing wrong with that! But you can see how commercial success blocks personal success sometimes.

And self success doesn’t necessarily have a marketable strategy—so no sales or social success follows. The birthday cakes you bake for your daughter. That incredible lesson you put your heart into for weeks. The backyard deck you built with your bare hands. You wouldn’t expect royalty payments or critical reviews from those endeavors. You’re not trying to sell cakes, lessons, or decks. You could! But that wasn’t your goal.

Lastly, critical darlings rarely sell! Social success can block sales success. Let me give you an example: One of my favorite movies a few years ago was The Hurt Locker. Tense, dramatic, I was glued to the screen. The movie won Best Picture at the Academy Awards. There is no higher honor! But its total domestic box office was 17 million dollars. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel came out that same year. And it ended up making 219 million dollars.

Which would you have rather made?

Know which of the 3 S’s of Success you want.