Watching the English

THE RULES RULE

The English have an uneasy, difficult and largely dysfunctional relationship with clothes, characterized primarily by a desperate need for sartorial rules, and a woeful inability to cope without them. This meta-rule helps to explain why the English have an international reputation for dressing in general very badly, but with specific areas (pockets, you might say) of excellence, such as high-class gentlemen's tailoring, sporting and 'country' clothes, ceremonial costume and innovative street-fashion. In other words, we English are at our sartorial best when we have strict, formal rules and traditions to follow - when we are either literally or effectively 'in uniform'. Left to our own devices, we flounder and fail, having little or no natural sense of style or elegance - suffering from, as George Orwell put it, an 'almost general deadness to aesthetic issues.'

Our need for sartorial rules has been highlighted in recent years by the 'Dress-down Friday' or 'Casual Friday' custom imported from America, whereby companies allow their employees to wear their own choice of casual clothes to the office on Fridays, rather than the usual formal business suits. A number of English companies adopted this custom, but quite a few have been obliged to abandon it, as many of their more junior staff started turning up in ludicrously inappropriate clothes - tasteless outfits more suited to the beach or a night-club than to any normal office. Others just looked unacceptably scruffy. Clients were put off, colleagues were embarrassed, and in any case most of the senior management simply ignored the Casual Friday rule, choosing, perhaps wisely, to maintain their dignity by sticking to the normal business-suit uniform. This only served to emphasize hierarchical divisions within the business - quite the opposite of the chummy, democratizing effect intended by the Dress-down policy. In short, the experiment was not a great success.

Other nations may have their flaws and foibles in matters of dress, but only among our colonial descendents, the Americans and Australians, is this lamentable absence of taste as marked or as widespread as it is in England. Ironically, given our supposed obsession with our weather and our pride in its changeable nature, even these sartorially undistinguished nations are rather better than us at dressing appropriately for different climatic conditions. We may spend inordinate amounts of time discussing weather forecasts, but we somehow never seem to be wearing the right clothes: for example, I spent several rainy afternoons on the streets counting umbrellas, and calculated that only about 25 per cent of the population (mainly middle-aged or older) actually manage to arm themselves with this supposedly quintessentially English item, even when heavy rain has been forecast for days. These perverse habits give us a good excuse to moan and grumble about being too hot, cold or wet - and, incidentally, would seem to bear out my contention that our constant weather-speak is a social facilitator rather than evidence of a genuine obsession.