Confessions of a GP

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These are apparently genuine excerpts from medical school entrance exams.

1. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and cater-pillers.

2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

3. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

4. For fainting: rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.

5. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it back and forth.

6. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

7. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.

8. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.

9. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

10. For head colds: use an agoniser to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

11. For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.

12. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

13. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

14. If the lady is sexually activated, you must do a pregnancy test.