Every Boy's Got One

e-mails

To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

It’s me. What you said back there in the parking lot—about how you’re going to do whatever it takes to make sure Mark doesn’t make the biggest mistake of his life—that’s pretty presumptuous of you, don’t you think?

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

Ms. Harris. What a surprise. You’re emailing me.

From the backseat.

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

Oh, please. Like you and Mark weren’t doing the same in the cab yesterday.

I realize you and Mark are friends—good friends, since childhood, just like Holly and I are.

But you haven’t seen him in a long time. How do you even know what’s good for him anymore? And you certainly don’t know Holly well enough to make any kind of judgment about her. How can you presume that you know what’s best for either of them when the truth is, you hardly know them at all?

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Just as I am entitled to mine.

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

You’re not entitled to your opinion at ALL. Because it’s WRONG. You have absolutely no factual basis for it. You can’t know Mark is making “the biggest mistake of his life” by marrying Holly because you hardly know Holly. You’re basing your opinion on your own personal biases against love and marriage. And that has nothing to do with Mark OR Holly. That was just your own stupidity.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

Now who’s stating an opinion for which she has no factual basis?

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

Um, hello, any MORON can tell you that marrying a model you’ve known for a month is stupid. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

Has anyone ever told you, Ms. Harris, that your tactlessness is astounding?

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

ME??? I’m not the tactless one, Mr. There’s No Such Thing as Romantic Love. Holly and Mark are in their thirties, not their twenties, and they’ve lived together for over two years. They are NOT making the same mistake you did. They are consenting adults—neither working in the modeling industry—who are in love. End of story.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

Perhaps we should discuss this face-to-face. My persuasive powers are at a disadvantage on handheld portable devices.

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

No way! I don’t want Holly getting wind of the fact that you aren’t one hundred percent behind this wedding thing. She’s freaking out enough about her family not being behind the idea. If she finds out the best man’s against it too, she’ll die.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

I meant sometime when Holly and Mark were not with us.

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

Well, I don’t see when that’s going to happen.

J

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To: Jane Harris

Fr: Cal Langdon

Re: Holly and Mark

You don’t anticipate that, during the next seven days we will be spending together, there will be a time when we will be alone together?

Cal

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To: Cal Langdon

Fr: Jane Harris

Re: Holly and Mark

God, I hope not. I mean, no, I don’t. Let’s just keep this conversation on paper. Or email. Or whatever. I don’t want Holly getting wind of it. I—

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!