Still Human

Chapter Nineteen Liv Two sounds perfect.

“Danny, you know I can’t let you use all of your life savings and bring nothing to the table. That’s your money.”

“It’s our money, Liv.” He gives me a stern look. “I’m serious.”

“God Danny, you don’t know what you’re saying.” I rub my forehead. “There’s so much we haven’t talked about. You can’t just go off on the ‘What’s mine is yours’ speech.”

“Liv, think about why I have all that money, why I haven’t settled down. Consciously or not, I was holding out for you. That money is our future, alone I don’t need it. Without you I…I want to share it with you, that’s it. Sorry, but like it or not, what’s mine IS yours.” He runs his thumb across my knuckles.

I watch him carefully, he’s so serious, I almost want to laugh. I’m really trying to loosen up, but this..?

“I can’t leave the money sitting there, it’s too much, I need to invest it in something. A house is a reasonable investment isn’t it?” He thinks for a minute. “If we stayed here forever, I would be living in a house you own. I want to have a home with both our names on the deeds. I want to do this for us, I’ve waited half my life for an ‘us’ to do it for.” He studies his fingers, then looks up at me and seems more sure of himself. “Besides, how would we manage in the flat with a baby?”

My heart misses a beat. “I…I thought…I…I didn’t know if that’s what you wanted anymore.” I manage to stutter out.

“Of course it’s what I still want, you goof!” his shy smile reappearing. Then it falls. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

I shake my head slowly, my own shy smile growing.

“Good. So you see why we need the extra rooms?”

“But four?”

Danny laughs. “Maybe two. We can keep the other rooms for Jen and your sister when they visit.” He looks at me with such hope.

“Two sounds perfect.” I smile. Danny wraps his fingers into mine and we sit quietly, digesting this new turn in the rollercoaster of our lives.

“Before, in LA...” Danny interrupts, “…when we talked about, you know, a family.” He fidgets. “We said soon.”

“Yeah, we did,” I reply, feeling the flutter of nerves in my stomach begin again.

“That was almost four months ago.” He hesitates. “So…is now too soon?”

My heads starts to shake slowly, involuntarily, before I even really process it. “Not really,” I admit, although I’ve tried not to think about it too much.

“I was thinking now that you’re getting better…I mean your body can probably spare the calcium.” He smiles.

“Is that what you were waiting for?” I laugh.

“Yeah, well, I guess. I would have suggested it sooner, but your bones were healing. I figured it could wait.”

“And now?”

“Now…I badly want to get you pregnant.”

A thrill shoots through me and I’m sure my cheeks flush.

“Whenever you’re ready, that is.” He adds.

“I’m ready.” And like that, I know I am. I want it all with him. I know I’ve forced myself not to hope too much, but this isn’t a vain hope. It’s being offered, something tangible and it makes me so happy. He still hasn’t mentioned marriage, which feels okay with me. I tried not to think too much about that either, but the future together and a family, that is all I ever wanted with him. Marriage wouldn’t make us complete, but I know a baby would.

“So will you let me buy us a house?” he pleads.

I turn to face him again. His eyes fixed on me in anticipation. He wants this so much. He wants to be the provider. Even my deepest urges to resist this can’t deny him. “Okay.” I nod taking his hand again. “But, you have to accept that it works both ways. What is mine is yours too.” His smile is the most perfect I’ve ever seen.

He pulls at my hands until I lift up out of my seat and fall into his lap.

“I love you so much.” He breathes into my ear as his arms hold me tight. A shiver runs down my spine leaving all of my hairs standing on end. If this is all it takes to see that expression on his face, he can buy all the houses he likes and I’ll fill them with children. My stomach flips at this thought. It’s primal and almost against everything I thought I believed, but I want so badly to be pregnant for this man.

He sighs long and loud. “You have no idea how happy you’ve just made me.”

“I think I do. I feel the same way.” I grin. A contented silence seems to fall on us. My thoughts wander to us in that glossy house. I’m not, well, glossy in the slightest, but I can envisage how it could accommodate my individuality…OUR individuality. I would enjoy the challenge.

“We can look at other houses if you like.” Danny interrupts my thoughts.

“I was just starting to picture us there.” I smirk.

Danny laughs. “Sometimes I don’t know which way is up when I’m with you.”

“That’s how I like it. So are you going to tell me how much it costs?”

I pull back from Danny in shock, I can’t believe a car could sell for so much money and I can’t believe what he has saved. My shock deepens when I hear the price of the house, but once he explains that his inheritance from his grandparents’ house will pay for almost half and he can more than cover the rest, I begin to relax. It will take some time for me to be fully at ease with a free ride, but he makes a compelling argument. Even after forking out for his ambitious furnishing plans, he will still have savings, which makes me feel better. All he wants is to make us a comfortable home and this will definitely be that.

“There’s no chain, it could be ours in a few weeks.” He nuzzles into my neck, inhaling deeply, then his lips make contact with the sensitive skin there. I begin to wonder if he wants to get started on the baby thing right away. “I need to come off the pill,” I say, suddenly realising it was out loud.

He nods, not breaking contact with his lips as his fingers travel up my leg. I exhale when his tongue runs over my earlobe, rolling my head backwards. I manage to suppress my moan, remembering where we are.

“Danny…please.” Although even I can’t tell if I’m asking him to cut out it because we are at work or for the love of God take me right here.

He fortunately interprets the former and reluctantly withdraws his exploring mouth. Inhaling, then exhaling deeply to gain his composure, Danny seems to come back to earth. I go to stand up, but he grabs me back. “Give me a minute,” he murmurs, then I feel the full extent of his arousal press against me.

“Oh!” I giggle, “Okay.”

“It’s your fault.”

“How?”

“Apart from being the most beautiful girl a lucky bastard like me has ever seen you mean?” He grins. “You’re going to stop taking the pill.”

“And that’s sexy, how?”

A lascivious look flashes across his face. “You’re going to let me get you pregnant. Everything about that is sexy.”

I shake my head in amusement, as I notice Max approaching us.

“Am I interrupting?” he asks, sitting before we answer. “You two look pleased with yourselves.”

I catch Danny flashing him a look that says ‘she went for it’. Max laughs when they realise I’ve rumbled them. “Am I always the last to know everything?” I moan.

“Charlie told me about the house,” Danny clarifies. “It wasn’t a conspiracy.”

Chuckling, Max leans over to squeeze my knee. “So are we going to be neighbours?”

“Yeah,” I laugh, “so we’ll need the number of your cleaning lady!”

Max’s face falls and he shoots daggers at Danny.

“Sorry man, it just sipped out!”

“Great, thanks.” Max Laughs.

“Oh come on. I’ve lived with you remember. I didn’t think YOU kept that place in order. I thought you had Charlie well trained!” I joke. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Charming!” Max says, standing. “I’m not hanging around here to be insulted by you. I’ll leave you to your little moment.”

As Max walks away, I turn back to Danny. “Now where were we?”

“I think we should save that for later,” he says regretfully.

I raise my eyebrows. “Or we could just take it somewhere more private.”

I groan as Danny presses into me. His hands planted on the floor either side of my head. We almost made it to the bedroom, but lust overcame us just inside the front door.

“Oh!” I gasp as his mouth closes over my nipple, just as his full length fills me once more. I run my hands over his back, scratching slightly with my nails. One of my arms is still in the sleeve of my top. My bra is yanked down to reveal my eager breasts and my jeans still cling to an ankle. Danny’s are merely pushed down to his thighs in our hurry, although I did manage to rip off his t-shirt.

The soft bare skin against me reminds me of our purpose. I know I’m not going to get pregnant today, I’ve already taken my pill this morning, but it’s symbolic of our decision. His flesh naked inside me feels more poignant than ever before and my senses seem heightened to the feel of him.

Danny is different as well. He seems to possess me as he stakes his claim on my body. Moving above me with such a purpose, he whispers, “God, yes.” He drops to one elbow beside me, deepening our connection and offering me the friction I crave. Once his weight is supported, his other hand strokes through my hair, grasping through it to bring my face close to his. Our lips brush and we share ragged breaths as his thrusts become sharper, deeper.

I choke out a fresh moan, certain that I’m seconds away from an earth-shattering orgasm and Danny’s lips press against mine. Our staccato breaths are more pronounced as our tongues complete our total connection to one another and Danny’s muted cries come, unusually for him, with every stoke.

I always find it hard not being vocal while Danny makes love to me, but the intensity of this experience and the sounds Danny is making against my lips make it worse than usual. I would be screaming if I wasn’t under the expert control of his tongue. However, the strangled sounds and the heavy, sharp breaths, sound almost animal and it’s enough to send me spiralling as he drives into me one last, wonderful time.

He breaks contact with my lips to free his final sounds. “Liv…God…I love you.”

“I love you too.” I gasp, fighting for air as my climax grips me. “I love you…I love you…I love you.” I whisper again and again, coming back to earth.

Danny showers my face with gentle kisses until he finally settles once more on my lips. They willingly part, inviting him in as I wrap my arms around him.

Once sanity has returned, I lift my hand to brush moisture from my forehead and giggle at the sight of my clothes hanging off my arm. “Look at us!”

Danny has a cursory glance and drops his head onto my chest, laughing. “What did you expect? I’ve dreamed of doing this for…ever.”

“You know I’m not actually going to get pregnant today don’t you?”

He shrugs. “Doesn’t hurt to practice.”

Danny is stood by the window in the living room wearing only his jeans. I stare at his immaculate body while I listen to his conversation. He’s telling Jen about the house and I smile fondly at his enthusiasm. His smile fades slightly and I wonder why. His voice lowers as he rubs his forehead and then rolls his head to relieve the tension in his neck. Whatever it is they’re discussing is making him stressed and I want to go over to him and ease his discomfort with my thumbs. But I feel like I would be intruding.

I wander back into the bedroom, pick up a hair elastic and sweep my damp hair up in a ponytail. Finding a fresh shirt in the wardrobe, I pull it on and reapply my eye makeup. It’s going to be so obvious that we just came up here for a quickie!

Picking up our towels from the floor, I drop them into the laundry basket. Then I notice the contents of the bin beside it. Obviously, while Danny was dressing, he decided to trash my pills, they’re in the bin, along with the other two months’ supply from my bedside drawer. I grin stupidly. I love it when he calls the shots! Then I cringe at what I’ve become. Oh well, I guess this is happiness.

Danny’s warm arms slip around me, his lips press into my shoulder. He peers over my shoulder into the bin. "I didn't think you'd need them anymore.”

I simply smile and turn slightly to kiss his tattooed shoulder. Unable to resist, I sink my teeth slightly into his skin. Danny sucks in a sharp breath at the contact. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s go back to work.” His voice is strained and I can tell it’s a struggle not to start undressing me again. He forces himself away from me and shoves a work t-shirt over his head.

“Jen says hi,” he says, lacing up his Converse.

I ruffle his hair as I pass him. “Everything okay?” I ask casually. “You looked stressed when you were talking to Jen, problems at home?”

He puffs. “This is my home,” he says firmly.

“I know, sorry,” I say, realising my mistake. “So what’s up?’

He sighs. “Nothing really."

I realise straight away that this is to do with baby stuff. "How is it going with them? You know, when I...left." I hesitate to bring it up, but we have to move on. "They'd had tests, but they weren't really sure what they'd do."

Danny looks up at me and gives me a tight smile. "They're okay. Jen’s on meds to figure out her cycle, or whatever. It's fixed her right up." He drifts off deep in thought.

I sit on the bed beside him, watching him. He is oblivious, I can tell he’s there with Jen. I know it's hard for him being away from her.

After a minute, I take his hand and he comes back to me. "Sorry. I just..." he trails off again.

"You want to help her."

Danny's eyes widen. "I..."

"Danny, it's okay, you can talk to me about it."

"Really?" he asks, stunned.

"Really. It was obvious to me in LA that you were thinking about it. But it hasn't come up since."

He rubs his head again. "It's complicated."

"Well yeah. But not impossible."

He shakes his head and the corner of his mouth turns up into a reluctant smile. "Can I really talk to you about this?"

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that."

"Okay," he says looking relieved and he turns to face me, holding my hands.

"So when they first started thinking that they were having trouble, the doctors said they should just keep trying. But Jen started looking at all the different possibilities. I told her to quit it, but she can't help herself. She tortured herself with every possibility, so I naturally learned a fair bit along with her. Obviously we didn't know what their problem would turn out to be, but seeing it have such an effect on her, I promised myself that if it was a problem I could help with, I would." He pauses, thinking.

"So that night when you found out that they would need a sperm donor..." I prompt.

"Well I was all different by then. I had you." He lifts one of my hands to his lips.

"Different?"

"Well yeah, I was starting a new life, I wasn't the single guy that I thought I'd be when the time came."

"You didn't think you could discuss it with me?"

"It's a big ask, Liv. Oh honey, before we have our happy ever after, you don't mind if I impregnate my best friend do you?" he chuckles. "No way."

"But we didn't get to the happy ever after bit did we?"

"No, and that's where it gets complicated," he says. "See, after you left...” He swallows hard and thinks about whether or not to go on, I nod, urging him. “I wanted to put you behind me because I thought you bailed on us. I needed something to focus on. So I offered to be their sperm donor." He sighs. "They we were surprisingly on board, but I made them have a serious think about it first."

I listen patiently. "Then Jen told me that they wanted to go ahead...but only if I talked to you.” He grimaces. "We had quite a fight. She had tried everything else to get me to call you and apparently she wasn't above emotional blackmail. She was convinced you must have had a good reason for leaving and she told me she couldn't take my first child if I still had a chance with you. She said if you really left because you didn't want me anymore, she would never mention it again, but if I wanted her to consider my offer I had to try. They would only go through with it if we were back on the right track, or if I was single for good." He exhales as he remembers the scenario. "That's when I called Max and found out about Brooke...that's when you fell. By the next day I was here. I haven't talked to Jen about it since."

"How do you feel about it now?"

"Everything is different now. I have you. We are going to start a family."

"Is it the distance? Did you see yourself being more involved?"

"No, I only ever wanted to be Uncle Danny. It's not that. It's us. I don't want anything getting in between us. I just wish helping them could be simpler, less significant, you know?"

"I know, but what you have offered to do is huge."

"Which is why I won't do it." He sighs. "Jen understands. I just wish I didn't feel so bad. Especially now that we are trying to make a baby. How will I tell her when that happens?" I watch him imagine that conversation in his head, it pains him.

"I understand what it is to love someone like you love her. Don't forget that," I say stroking his fingers. "I would want to help Max." I readjust my grip on him so that his hands are in mine and I dip my head to establish eye contact. "You should do it."

His face slowly changes from pained, to bemused and finally settles on amazed. "Why are you so wonderful?"

I laugh. "I just want you to be happy, I get why this is so important to you."

"But they won't have any trouble picking another donor. It would be less complicated for everyone." He argues.

"Now that you're here though, wouldn't you like that tie to them? We are kind of a family already. It doesn't make it that much more fucked up! You're essentially married to her anyway. You give yourself to her emotionally and I have no problem with that because I have it too. We healed ourselves by replacing each other, in a way that lots of people wouldn't understand. But now that we've found each other again, we are more than just us two...Do it. Make them happy, because by doing that you'll make us happy. I couldn't stand it if we had a baby and I kept seeing that pained look on your face, because you felt guilty."

Danny assesses me, looking for some sort of crack in me that shows I'm just saying this to do the right thing. There isn't one, I truly mean this. I want him to do it. When he is sure, he grabs me in his arms and squeezes me tight. "Thank you," he whispers and I squeeze him back.