Still Human

Chapter Twenty-six Liv I’m calling a meeting.

With Danny and the boys at the beach and Jen gone to check in on her shop, I’m grateful that the house is empty while I digest what I now know. We’ve only been here a day and it’s been lovely, but Danny can’t relax and I’ve been feeling it too. I know Jen is constantly thinking about Danny’s original offer and, to be honest, it’s become the elephant in the room. Danny talked to the clinic earlier and, when he’s ready, he just has to make an appointment for blood tests then he can donate. He wants to wait and come back to do that when we’re ready.

I’m just coming out of the bathroom when I hear Jen come home. I breathe deeply, my hands are shaking and I need to calm down before I go out there, or I could blow my cover. I can’t believe how it’s coming together. I’m virtually giddy and I would hug myself if I could.

“Hi.” I call out across the living room, to Jen in the kitchen. I hope I don’t sound like I feel.

“Oh, hi. I thought everyone was out.”

“I just got back.”

“I’m having a coffee, do you want one?” she asks.

“Actually, I was just going to have a juice, if that’s okay?”

“Orange?” I screw up my face and shake my head. Jen chuckles, reaching for the apple juice. “You and Danny are made for each other!”

“So how are things going now?” I ask casually. “You were saying at the airport that you’d have Scott on call twenty-four-seven after a couple of weeks.”

“Ha!” Jen blurts. “He’s wise to me. Do you see him anywhere around? He’s afraid to be left alone with me.”

“Hmm, it won’t be ideal for you with all of us here, just at the wrong time.” I look at my hands, suddenly feeling guilty for being so inconsiderate. “We could go to a hotel if you like.”

“Don’t be silly. A month off won’t kill us, it’s a damned near impossibility anyway. It just can’t hurt that’s all.” She sighs.

“So what’s next?” I ask. I’m looking for a way into a sensitive conversation I’ve no place in. But Danny hasn’t talked to them yet and time is ticking. He has an appointment at the clinic in two days and I need to state my intentions before then.

“Well, we need a donor…but that’s been…on hiatus.” She suddenly looks as awkward as I feel.

A silence spans between us. Oh God, I’m just going to have to bring it up and hope Danny won’t be angry with me for getting involved. “I know Danny wants to help you,” I say quietly. Then, seeing Jen’s blanched face, I realise that came out like I hate her for it. “We’ve talked about it and I really support him…all of you. I want him to do it.”

She frowns at me, probably because she doesn’t get why I would support it.

“I…I didn’t want him to jeopardise anything between you two, he offered when he thought…” She drifts off before she finishes saying that Danny offered this when he believed all hope of us having a future was gone.

“It’s okay. He told me everything. I really appreciate what you did for us. We wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t. But…it’s really important to him and I know why. I’d be the same for Max. I just wanted you to hear it from me. I’m okay with it, really.”

I realise that her eyes have welled up, so I step towards her and put my arm around her. “You don’t have to say it’s okay. I knew it was a long shot. We can go through the normal channels.” Tears roll down her face.

“No, Danny badly wants to give you this. Please let him.”

Just then we hear the boys pull into the driveway. Jen quickly wipes her eyes and laughs a little at her wayward emotions. She doesn’t know how close I came to joining in, but we pull ourselves together just in time and the boys find us sipping juice. That was close, I need to talk to Danny; the weight of what I have to say to everyone suddenly becomes unbearable.

Danny frowns from across the room as soon as he walks in, he can see something is wrong. He comes straight over. “What’s wrong?” he whispers.

I smile. “Nothing’s wrong, everything is so right in fact.” I slip my arm round his waist. “But I think we should have a talk with Jen and Scott.”

“Not yet,” he mumbles.

“No, we have to say something, all this not saying is eating away at our time together. Please?”

He nods, he feels it too. “Okay.”

I grab my chance. “I’m calling a meeting,” I say to the room. Five faces turn to me with varying degrees of uncertainty, ranging from Charlie’s general surprise, to Danny’s horror that I’m just running with this now, no further conversation. “Please, it’s important. Can you all just sit down?”

“What are you doing?” Danny hisses.

“The right thing,” I state simply and push past him.

“Wait, Liv we have to talk about this. I don't think I can go through with it…I’m not ready…I need to be sure you can deal with it.”

“I can deal with it.” I look into his eyes, trying to will him to have the confidence to believe me, find the faith I know he has in me underneath this momentary lapse. “Do you trust me?”

“Without question.”

“Then come with me and listen to how on board with this I really am.” He hesitates and then follows.

Everyone else is sitting round the big table between the living room and the kitchen, waiting to know why they are there. Max looks like he ought to know what this is about, but can’t put his finger on it and it’s bugging him. Maybe we should do this without them, but it sort of involves them too.

“Alright everyone. We need to talk about some stuff and unless someone speaks up, the wondering what will happen is going to affect everyone.” I take a deep breath. “Max, Charlie.” I turn to them. “Jen and Scott are trying to conceive and Danny has offered to help them by being their sperm donor.” Danny cringes. Max nods, he knew about their fertility issues.

Charlie begins to stand. “We should let you discuss this in private” he says sweetly.

“Sit down.” I say, a lot more forcefully than I meant. Charlie looks shocked. “Sorry. It’s just that this concerns you too, If you two ever want children, I’m helping you, so you may as well be involved in this.” Charlie is taken aback. Max half smiles. I always said I’d have his baby for him one day, but this is real. My asking them to join this conversation is a future offer, he knows I’m serious. “If you don’t want that, then your support on this is still appreciated.”

“Okay.” I take a steadying breath. “So Jen, Scott… Danny has been tying himself in knots over helping you. He wants to do it so much it aches, I can feel it. I’ve told him I think it’s great. I’ve talked about it with him until I’m blue in the face. But deep down he’s terrified that once it’s done, it will somehow come between us.” I turn to Danny. “Is that about right?”

Danny nods.

“Good. At least we all understand each other. For my part, I wholeheartedly support him in doing this and I want to make a similar offer to Max and Charlie. For years I've said that if Max wants to be a dad, I'd carry his baby. I don't even know if he wants it anymore, but if at some point in the future you wish to explore the options." I turn to Max and Charlie, so they can see I'm dead serious. "I would need to discuss it with Danny fully, but I would be open to talking about it.” A few cautious nods follow. Danny is wide-eyed, but the support for my sudden and frank offer shows on his face.

“I just can’t stand this anymore. The pressure is getting to Danny right at a time when I need him most. So tell them Danny, tell them you’re helping them.”

Danny sighs but then he gives me a tight smile and takes my hand for support. “Okay, I called the clinic and I have all the information.” He shrugs. “So once we’re ready, you know, once we’ve started our family, I want to get started. I’ll fly back and make the donations until you have however many you need.”

I shake my head. “Actually, I called them back. You have an appointment for tomorrow.”

Danny looks at me, stunned.

“Liv, we talked about this, not until we have our own family.”

“No way!” says Jen. “We told you, we are not taking Danny’s first child.”

“We can wait,” says Scott quietly behind her.

“Liv, you should think about this,” Charlie interjects.

Max just eyes me quietly. I hold his stare and I know he sees what is at the centre of this. A ghost of a smile crosses his lips.

I hold my hands up to stop everyone, someone is going to have an aneurism if I don’t calm this down. “Stop, please just hear me out.”

“Liv, no!” Danny erupts beside me. “I know you want to help, I do too, but not like this. We come first.” He gives Max a pleading look. "Max, will you talk to her?"

I stand and slip my hand in my back pocket. Pulling it out, I hand him the white stick.

Danny looks at me, eyes wide, his mouth twitches, he blinks and then looks back at the stick. He takes it gently from my hands and looks at the display. Slowly he looks back at me. I’ve never seen him so stunned, then the lights come back on and he leaps to his feet. The happiest, most confused, delirious smile I’ve ever seen, spreading across his beautiful face while he is in motion. He grabs me and lifts me clear off the ground, spinning me around and laughing. I’m suddenly aware that we’re both laughing. Tears roll down my face and when Danny finally puts me down, his lips are on mine before I even get a proper breath in.

“Are we having a baby?” he asks as he lets me up for air, his eyes shining with unexpressed emotion.

“Yes,” I whisper.

The others gather around us and I’m aware of congratulatory hugs and kind words, but, after Danny, my main focus is Jen. Our eyes meet. She’s crying, but they’re happy tears. There’s not a trace of resentment in her eyes and I know then that she is a true friend to Danny. Only the most pure friendships can withstand such landslide moments and she is unquestioningly happy for us. I smile at her and she smiles back. Danny lets go of me for a second and grabs her and I watch while they share this fantastic news together. Max envelops me in his arms.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. “Congratulations.” I wipe my eyes as Danny turns back to me and Max relinquishes me to my husband.

“When did you find out?” Danny asks.

“Today. I’m due on in a couple of days, but I feel different, my jeans are tight. I’ve felt like it for a week. So I did a test.” I gasp as he slides his hand over my stomach. We’ve had some heartbreakingly tender moments over the years, but this tops them all, hands down.

A tear rolls down his cheek. “Thank you,” he says. I smile softly.

“You see why I think we should do this now?” I say quietly to him while everyone else is giving us a little distance for our moment.

“Yes.” He sniffs. Then he smiles. “You are a very special person, you know? You don’t even stop to savour your own moment without thinking of someone else.”

After we have composed ourselves, Jen suggests tea and coffee as we are unprepared and have no champagne. I help her make it. For a minute or two we work in silence and then I catch Jen looking at me.

“I’m so happy for you,” she says .

“I know you are,” I say and hug her.

“I just…I don’t want you to think I’m just saying it. I’m so happy for you both, you will make wonderful parents. This is Danny’s dream, I love him, I know you understand that, so you must know that I wouldn’t have to fake this.”

“I do, I get it. Thank you.” We hug again. This is fast becoming emotionally exhausting!

After a pretty heavy afternoon, we all relax and digest the new turn in our lives. I watch in awe as Jen and Danny make us all dinner. They move around the kitchen like they are two parts of the same whole. They are so in sync and their bodies touch with practiced ease, it warms my heart and makes me feel smug at the same time. I doubt many spouses could stomach it. Scott is an understanding guy and came into this knowing their friendship…and me, well, just as I’m watching, Max comes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms and kisses my cheek. We’re just…different…and today has proved just how different we really are.

Weary from an emotional and mind-bending day, we all turn in early. Tomorrow, Danny has his blood tests and will make his first donation. I sigh contentedly as I flop onto the bed. Danny closes the door behind him and stands watching me. I look up to see what he’s doing after there is silence for a minute and realise that he’s just staring. I raise up onto one elbow to look at him properly and he moves towards me, not breaking the intense stare, he drops to his knees beside the bed.

He continues holding my gaze as he gently runs his hand across my midriff. It still makes me gasp even though he’s been doing it repeatedly all afternoon. I guess it’ll just take a while to sink in for both of us. He’s asked me how I’m feeling about fifty times and I haven’t lifted a finger since I told him, giving me some insight into how he’s going to be for the next eight to nine months. I honestly expected him to insist on carrying me the few feet to our guest room, fortunately, he let me walk.

Still with his hand on my stomach, he turns his eyes there too. I don’t know what he thinks he will see, but the look on his face is pure joy and I won’t take that away from him. I stroke my fingers through his hair and just watch him, lost in his moment.

He blinks and returns his eyes to mine, a smile lighting his face. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks again softly.

“Yes!” I giggle, a slight amused exasperation apparent in my tone. “I feel fine. Are you okay?”

He nods and that look of delirious joy comes over him again. I burst out laughing.

“What?” He frowns, although even that looks giddy with happiness, which makes me laugh harder. “Hey, what?”

“I blindsided you!” I laugh, pumping my fists in the air. “I did it!’

He laughs. “You did.” He smiles with adoration. “You really did. Thank you.”

“You've made me so happy,” he whispers.

I woke this morning with Danny in my arms, exactly as he fell asleep. I stare at him, his peaceful face, utterly relaxed, the past few days he has been the happiest I've seen him. He’s getting used to the idea that we have our dream come true and now that he is actively doing something to help Jen, he feels so much better. He has made a couple of donations so far. His last one for this trip is today. Unable to resist, I kiss his forehead and he stirs. We both stretch and he immediately reaches for me and then opens his eyes when he realises we are pressed together already.

“Morning.” I smile, snuggling into him tighter.

“Morning. How are you feeling?” His now standard question.

“Great thanks, stop worrying. You’ll be the first to know if I start feeling sick.”

“I know, I just want to take care of you.”

“Grace didn’t get morning sickness, neither did my mum, it could be a genetic thing. I might be lucky.”

“My mom got so sick, it’s the main reason I’m an only child,” he says regretfully. “I hope it’s not genetic, I could have just cursed you to a full nine months of not being able to stomach anything.”

“Well I feel fine so far, let’s just hope this baby has my genes.”

“That is what I’m hoping. She’ll be perfect just like her mom.”

“She?” I frown.

“Um, I don’t know, that just came out,” he says embarrassed. “I don’t care, as long as you are both okay.”

He squeezes me tight, this is still so hard to get used to; I feel almost silly claiming to be something as monumental as pregnant. Apart from tight jeans and an odd feeling of my body being on overdrive at times, I really don’t feel any different. I feel like a bit of a faker. I even secretly did the spare pregnancy test yesterday to make sure. It was definitely positive. We’ve decided not to tell anyone else yet though. It’s not my normal MO. I’m all for full disclosure, but with this whole Jen thing going on, it might be best if we wait. Nobody knows we aren't even properly married, what's one more secret?

But we’re fixing the marriage thing, we’re flying to Vegas today.

“We should get organised,” I murmur, trying to ignore Danny’s insistent lips on my neck.

“Really?” He tries his husky whisper on me.

“Really...Or don’t you want to marry me?”

“I’d marry you every day if I could. But I just want five more minutes in bed with you first.” He slides his hand up my camisole and caresses the sensitive skin under my breast.

“Okay, if you think five is all it will take, I’ll get the cup.” I smirk.

“Shit.” Danny huffs, rolling over.

I sigh and turn to him. “I know it’s been full-on, but you only have to do it one more time before we go, then you’re all mine.” He just has one last appointment before we leave, but I think he’s starting to feel like a performing monkey, although he would never say it.

He turns suddenly and pins me beneath him. “I just want inside you.” He growls, kissing me hard.

I smile against his lips and he begrudgingly releases me. “You can have me any way you want me when we get to Vegas,” I purr.

He raises his eyebrows. “Any way…?” I laugh and push him off me.

“Come on, you have a date with a cup!”

Danny groans.

The afternoon sun on the strip is intense and so is the heat. You can never underestimate the cooling effect of being near the sea and out here in the desert, everything is so exposed. We pull into the Bellagio and our bags are loaded onto a bellhop’s trolley and my wedding dress, kindly flown out by Max and Charlie, is placed on top. I can’t wait to wear it again. Once we’ve checked in, Danny and I leave the guys and hop in a taxi to the Marriage Bureau, to get our marriage licence. I've been good and I haven't asked a lot of questions. I know Danny has fixed everything and I'm loving the freedom. I've been told the wedding will be happening tomorrow evening. So for now, we head back to the hotel and shower before meeting up for dinner.

The Bellagio buffet is extraordinary, then we hit the strip. I must say I never expected to spend my first trip to Vegas sober and watching both what I eat and how I take care of myself. But Jen is taking it easy, so that makes it easier. We do a whistle-stop tour of Caesars, The Mirage and Treasure Island, in the warm evening air, stopping at all the attractions. This place is like a giant Disney for adults; it’s great fun. We go back towards the Bellagio on the other side of the strip and call in at the Venetian to wander around the canals and take a gondola ride, then after stopping briefly in Paris, we cross back and watch the fountains do their show before retiring to our hotel for the night. We walk through the casino with only mild interest and stroll through Via Bellagio window shopping the designer boutiques, then settle in at the Lily Bar for a nightcap.

Exhausted, I smile at Danny laughing with his friends. He smiles softly back at me and finishes his drink.

“I think I’m going to take my beautiful wife up to bed,” he says finishing his drink.

“She’s not officially your wife yet buddy,” teases Scott.

“Hey, watch your mouth!” Danny snipes back with a wry smile, but I can tell he’ll be happier tomorrow when Scott can’t say a word. “Ready?” He offers me his hand and pulls me out of the oh-so-comfy seat.

We say our goodnights and find the lifts. I really am tired, it hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as we stopped moving. I stifle a yawn as we wait and Danny wraps his arm around me.

“Tired?” he asks, trying to conceal his real question, it’s been days.

I nod as we step into the waiting lift. I see his shoulders sag slightly from the corner of my eye and smirk. I may be on the verge of sleep, but for him, I’ll always find reserves. As soon as the doors close, I turn to him, deliberately and quite aggressively palming his crotch as I probe his lips with my tongue. He groans, surprised and overwhelmed, gasping when I break my seal of his mouth. “Jesus.” He rasps while I tease him through his trousers. The lift dings and I turn away from him, allowing him to pull me close to cover his obvious erection.

I nod at the older couple who join us in the lift and Danny does his best to look un-phased, bless him. He has his arms slung casually around my waist and my hands rest over his, only I can hear his laboured breathing as he pants softly in my ear. The couple are to our right and slightly forward, so I press Danny further into the back wall and swivel my hips against him.

“Fuck,” he whispers.

I turn and give him an innocent peck on the cheek. The lady beside me smiles, warmed by our ‘young couple in love’ cuteness. Maybe she wouldn’t be so amiable if she could see the rock-hard bulge pressing against my arse and my wandering hand, the one she can no longer see, teasing Danny into near insanity.

He sucks air in sharply between his teeth and grunts slightly when I grasp him almost too firmly. He tries to cover it with a cough, but the man has already glanced at him.

“Please.” Danny begs almost silently. He’s begging me to stop in front of these people, but the edge in his voice is also pleading me to keep it up. I don’t think he’d even be able to say which he really means, but I do ease up…a little.

The lift stops at our floor and Danny muscles me out, still clamped to my back. The couple eye us suspiciously, I’m near hysterical.

“Are you trying to get me arrested?” he growls, I laugh but he shuts me up by pressing me into the wall as the doors finally close. His mouth on mine settles my giggles and his iron crotch digging in to me reminds me that I’ve started something that needs to be finished. On the other side of us the lift dings as the other car arrives on our floor, worried that it could be our friends, Danny hustles us along the corridor to our room.

While he fumbles for the key card, I turn in his arms to face him and glance beyond him. It’s just a couple of guys making their way down the corridor towards us, I wrap my arms around his neck and draw him in to a kiss, not caring if strangers see. All the while he is still trying to engage the card in the lock. The men mumble some crass comment as they pass and finally I hear the lock click behind me.

“Thank fuck!” Danny gasps picking me up and hoisting my legs around his waist. He steps through the door, his mouth on mine and bumps me against the wall of the entrance hall while he kicks the door shut behind him.

“Are you going to fuck me into another hotel wall?” I ask.

“I’m tempted.” He says breathlessly, kissing and biting all of my exposed skin. “But I haven’t been inside you in days…” His teeth capture my bottom lip and I groan. “…And I want it to last more than thirty seconds.”