Things my girlfriend and I have argued about (online version)

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I get accused of hoarding things by Margret. Now, this is entirely unfair — electrical items never die, you see, I am merely unable to revive them with today's technology. In the future new techniques will emerge and, combined with the inevitably approaching shortage of AC adapters and personal cassette players, my foresight will pay off and the grateful peoples of the Earth will make me their God. Anyway, never mind that now, because the real point is that it's Margret who fills our house with crap. And I'm not talking about doing so by the omission of crap-throwing-away here, but by insane design. While sorting out the stuff in the boxes, these are some of the things I've discovered that Margret actually packed away at our last house and brought to our new one:

* A dentist's cast of her teeth circa 1984.

* Empty Pringles tubes.

* Rocks (not 'special ornamental rocks', you understand, just 'rocks' from our previous garden).

* Old telephone directories.

* Two carrier bags full of scraps of material.

* Those little sachets of salt and sugar you get with your meal on planes.

* Some wooden sticks.

* Last year's calendar.

And yet, were I to throw her from a train, they'd call me the criminal.