Things my girlfriend and I have argued about (online version)

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Oh, as you ask, I had a pretty uneventful time over in Germany. Skiing, visiting friends, waiting for the figure to turn green at pedestrian crossing lights even though there quite plainly isn't any sort of moving vehicle within a mile and a half, being shown photographs of my girlfriend naked, etc., etc.

The Old Timers among you will be well aware that pretty much every household in modern Germany contains at least a couple of photographs of my girlfriend naked, and also that this is a) "Not sexual. Tch — what the hell's wrong with you?" and b) very much My Problem. So, I'm sitting in a living room and — after tea and cakes — out come the photographs of Margret naked. I hold one of the pictures in my hand and sit there, radiating heat. Alerted, perhaps, by the grinding sound I'm involuntarily making with my teeth, Margret looks across at me and lets out a long, weary sigh.

'Oh, for God's sake,' she tuts, 'OK — so I'm naked. But you can't see anything.'

I glance pointedly at her, pointedly at the photograph, and then back at her again — pointedly. She lets out an even wearier sigh and rolls her eyes.

'OK…' she shrugs, '…apart from that.'