AK 239: The Enemy Is Already Here

Fishing Trawler

General “Bad Odor” cannot believe what he’s witnessing: The sinking of his beloved boat. Stone looks on with casual confidence.

“You got some splainin’ to do now, son.”

I look at Jennifer dripping wet,

My first thought is: She looks pretty hot!

Thank God I didn’t say that out loud. What I ask is:

“I’m totally confused, so, who just sank that sub?”

“Oh I called in SERT,” says Stone confidently.

“Who?” I ask.

Jennifer, “SERT. They’re kinda like Alaska’s SWAT team.”

“Well,” I ask, “Does SERT carry torpedoes?”

“What?” Stone looks surprised.

“It’s a simple question,” I say.

“He’s right. Those were torpedoes,” says Jennifer.

“What?” Stone looks out the window in a panic.

Meanwhile, I’m looking through some old binoculars and see a pattern of flashing light at the mouth of Kendrick Bay saying,

“It’s Morris Code: Russian sub T-K-2-Zero. They’re saying, you’re B.E.L.C.O.M.E., belcome?”

Jennifer acts disgusted as she grabs the binoculars.

“Welcome. You are welcome! If that’s TK-20 that’s a Russian typhoon class boomer with enough firepower to take out North America.”

“Shit, I almost forgot!” says Stone.

Stone takes out his phone and calls Yura.

“Hi Yura, tell NORAD that we got TK two zero a Russian sub sitting at the mouth of Kendrick Bay. Make sure… Hang on.”

Stone sees General “Bad Odor” trying to crawl away so he puts his phone down and simply kicks his Alaskan cowboy boot into the Iranian’s forehead.

Bahadur goes down in pain ’til Stone picks him up.

“And what the hell’s a Russian sub doin’ in my town?”