Little Boy Blue

78

Are some wounds too deep to heal? Is damaged love ever beyond repair?

Sally Jackson sat by her husband’s bedside, clinging doggedly to his hand. She’d kept a vigil here since he’d been released from ICU, hoping that her support and encouragement might speed his recovery. Hoping that the Paul she knew would come back to her.

He was out of danger now, but he still found it hard to talk and was asleep for much of the time. Sally didn’t mind – she’d hated being excluded from the intensive care unit, powerless to influence events and ignorant of what was happening within. Here at least she could try to help. In Paul’s waking hours, she kept up a constant chatter, talking to him about mundane family matters as well as looking forward to things they might do with the boys once he was better.

Sally had no idea if it was true or just wishful thinking. It was hard to imagine they could ever go back to the way things were given the trauma of the last forty-eight hours. He had been in such a dark place, so despairing and rejected, that he had tried to leave them. Perhaps in her position some people might have felt rejected, but she didn’t. She just felt guilt. Paul had asked for her help, for her understanding, and she had been too weak to give it to him. Paul had betrayed her – of course he had – but she had repaid him in kind and it made her feel dreadful.

Her conversation had petered out a while ago now. Much as she tried to remain upbeat, it was hard not to be consumed by dark thoughts. She’d overheard the nurses gossiping about a second victim and she suspected they were wondering if her husband would be the third. None of it made any sense and it filled her with trepidation for the future. Yes, she was here, doing all the things she should do, but really what hope was there for the future when the fissure in their lives was so great?

Wiping a tear away, Sally chided herself for being so morbid. There was no point looking too far ahead, she had to keep her mind anchored on the here and now. The rest – the future – was another world for them. She would remain here and do what was needed for Paul, for the twins. She would stay because she still cared deeply for her husband. She just didn’t know him any more.