The Price of Butcher's Meat

9

Morning, Mildred!

They’ve still got me banged up in bed, so I might as well talk to myself. At least I’ll hear some sense!

No. Be fair. Like me old mam used to say, there’s some folk you needn’t be kind to, but you should always try to be fair with everyone.

I thought I’d wake up with the dawn the morning after the great escape and feel right as rain. Instead it were nigh on midday and I were busting for a piss, but when I slid out of bed, I almost fell over. Felt worse than I’d done in the Central.

Matron appeared like a flash-mebbe she’s got me bugged!

“Mr. Dalziel,” she said. “You shouldn’t be up!”

“Shouldn’t I?” I said. “It’s either that or I’ll be floating out of here on my mattress.”

She had the sense not to suggest I use one of them bottles, but slung my arm over her shoulders, grabbed me round the waist, and together we staggered into the bathroom.

“There,” she said. “I’ll just tidy up your bed, then I’ll be back for you.”

“Take your time,” I said. “I’m going to.”

I left flushing the bog till after I’d got washed up so’s she’d not have any advance warning and come rushing to help. Two quick steps from the bog to the doorway and I had to stop for a rest.

Matron were standing by my newly made bed, holding my recorder.

“Found this in your bed, Mr. Dalziel,” she said.

“Oh aye. It’s a sex aid,” I said.

“Really?” she said, holding it to her ear. “What’s it play? Beginner’s instructions?”

Cheeky cow! But I had to laugh. And she grinned too, like she knew that my only interest in bed that moment was getting into it and going back to sleep.

I went forward at a stagger, grabbed the recorder off her, and fell across the mattress. She tutted and pulled the duvet over me.

“I see you’ve got a visit scheduled tomorrow,” she said. “Hope you can get down to your physio session in the morning or we may have to cancel it.”

But she was grinning as she said it.

Bit more to her than I reckoned. Could make summat of her yet! But need to be careful now she’s set her sharp little eyes on this thing. Think I’ll tuck it between my legs before I go to sleep. If anyone can get it out of there without me noticing, then I’m really knackered! But I’ll need to find a better place to hide it permanent if I don’t want them having a right giggle in the nurses’ room. Old trick, wrap it in a plastic bag and stick it in the lav cistern. First place a cop ’ud look, but cops are one thing I don’t need to worry about just now!

So, head down, and hope I can skip them funny dreams I keep on getting and work on a nice little fantasy about Cap instead. Roll on tomorrow. Couple of hours with Cap’s all the physiotherapy I need!