The Price of Butcher's Meat

6

Well now, Mildred, that made interesting listening, didn’t it? So what are they up to? One thing’s clear, they weren’t together all the time after the storm started. But who’s alibiing who? Or could they both be in it together?

Going to be a hard habit to get out of, this thinking-aloud business. Place like this, no one takes much notice of old fogeys sitting in the sun, talking to themselves, but if I try it when I get back on the job, I’ll be on gardening leave afore you can say mesembryanthemums.

Clever bugger, old Fester. Had him going for a bit, but he came back strong. Liked the way he stuck up for Pet-mebbe he’s not just in there for his jollies. And that crack about me having mental issues, that were a clever bit of counterpunching. Like a sharp intake of breath from a car mechanic, not what you want to hear from a shrink!

And mebbe he’s right. Mebbe I have gone a bit doolally. I mean, what the fuck am I playing at, sticking my neb into this case? Nowt I can do that Pete isn’t capable of doing himself. He wanted to keep me out of it, but no, here I come, swinging through the trees, beating my chest and yodeling!

But I’ve made my bed-Jesus Christ, how I’d love to be lying on it! — by myself. Lead us not into temptation. At least what happened with Pet’s reassured me my bit of bother with Cap ain’t permanent. It’s a worry, but. Suddenly I could see all them Viagra jokes coming back to haunt me! It’ll never happen to me, you think, when you’re still getting a hard-on just walking through the lingerie department in Marks and Sparks. But, like the tax man, it’ll get you in the end. Right in the end! Women are lucky. Don’t matter how old they are, if they’ve still got the itch, all they’ve got to do is find a hard pecker to scratch it with. Like old Daph. Though it don’t sound like it were Fester that were doing the scratching.

And now she’s dead. That’s all that matters, Dalziel. Get your mind back on the job. She might have been a right old bruiser, but she didn’t deserve what happened to her. So let’s take a real close look at Fester and Pet, and ask what motive could either one of them have strong enough to make them decide Daph had to go?

Pet’s way ahead here. Combination of jealousy and doing your loved one a good turn has often done the trick, specially in a strong-willed passionate woman. No problem physically-she’d know all the right places to squeeze, and she’ll have had lots of practice lugging bodies around.

Fester’s different. Unless it turns out Daph’s remembered him in her will, I can’t see any reason why his fancy should have lightly turned to thoughts of murder. In the end he could just have walked away from Daph, shipping out back to the U.S. if necessary. Maybe he’d even hinted this to Pet. Maybe she’d begun to worry that getting his jollies from her didn’t include any long-term plans for their relationship. Wouldn’t surprise me if she were right. Being keen to hear a luscious handful like Pet say yes please! is a long way off wanting to hear her say I do! In fact, if my reading of Fester’s right, I’d say he were the type who were more likely to use his position and standing to get himself one of them trophy wives, some nice young juicy bit of tottie as ’ud hang on his arm in public and flash her tits and make all the other men drool with jealousy!

Easy to imagine Pet thinking, Walk away from Lady D if you want, but you’re not going to walk away from me! And a wise woman might find herself looking for something that ties a tighter knot than slippery love.

Like shared guilt.

So Pet does the deed, then makes sure Fester gets involved in the cover-up. Easy enough in the heat of the moment, and she knows once Fester has taken a step down that road, there’s no going back. Pet gets a bit mucked up dragging poor Daph around, so when she sees Roote’s fallen out of his chair later, she moves right in and picks the muddy bugger up, and now she’s got a reason for being all wet and clarty herself.

What about Ollie Hollis, but?

Could be he saw summat, enough to worry him, but not enough to make him head for the police. Rings up Pet or Fester, tells them he wants to talk, says he’s going round to Madame Lee’s. One of them takes off down there, the other stays up here, sets up the mutual alibi again.

If I hadn’t hijacked Pete when he came to take their statements, we’d have known which one was doing which!

Shit. Don’t expect he’ll be backward about pointing that out to me.

But I’m getting ahead of meself.

Looks like Godly Gordon’s out of the frame. Never did fancy him myself. I know there’s no art to read and all that, but I just can’t see a guy who looks like that being a killer! Bet the bugger has a hard time stomping on a beetle!

So who does clever old Pete see as the front-runner now?

Not Fester and Pet, I’d guess, else he’d not have agreed to turn me loose on them.

Seems to have serious doubts about the Heywood lass, but I reckon he’s up the creek there. Spent too many of his formative years with prancing ponces in education who reckoned bad spelling was a capital crime! No, I’d put money on Stompy’s lass being okay. My only worry about her after reading her e-mails is that round Sandytown just now it might not be too healthy to be so nebby and bright!

Make a note, Dalziel. Have a friendly word.

Back to Pete’s hit list. At the moment I’d guess Hen Hollis and Ted Denham are neck and neck. Then there’s all them Parkers. Or mebbe it’s the obvious for once and it were down to that animal rights woman Seymour spotted. Not likely, in my book, but mebbe I’m prejudiced ’cos of Cap.

One name that won’t figure high on Pete’s list.

Franny Roote.

Hard to believe he’s here for the good of his health.

Except of course if that’s exactly why the poor sod’s here!

Need to watch developments there carefully. I’ve invested too much good drinking time bringing Pascoe on to see him brought down ’cos he feels he owes a slippery bastard like Roote.

Any road, time to stop talking to myself.

Interrogation ain’t much different from fornication.

Keep ’em waiting till they want it as much as you!

Nurse Sheldon should be on the boil by now, so here I come, ready or not!