The Price of Butcher's Meat

14

FROM: charley@whiffle.com

TO: cassie@natterjack.com

SUBJECT: the hunk amp; his handle!

Hi!

Really pleased to hear from you-was getting worried-but not as worried as I would have been if Id known! No-nothing on the news here-small African hospital under mortar fire-no one dead-doesnt hit the headlines. Just as well maybe-for mum amp; dads sake I mean-saves a lot of brick walls from being banged!

Anyway-I feel real guilty-lounging around here-in what must be the safest healthiest place in the world-boring you with my rustic rollickings! But you say it helps keep you on an even keel knowing theres still places like sleepy little Sandytown in the world-so heres the next exciting episode!

Or rather the next several episodes-each centered on a man-just so you dont get the impression youve got exclusive rights!

First Teddy-the hunk with the handle-literally! — as I have seen- amp; you will hear!

Weather was so warm today-I thought Id head for the beach-see if it had improved since the famous trip!

Tom was too busy to join me-thank heaven-I wanted to swim not talk-or rather listen! He said this was the day hed fixed for Mr Godley-the healer-to drive over amp; take a look at the setup in Sandytown- amp; he hoped Id be back in time to meet him-as he knew how it would help with my study-which Im finally making a bit of progress with. Remembering how Godly Gordon took against me first time we met-I dont anticipate much encouragement there-but of course I said I hoped so too.

Tom also said-rather awkwardly-re the meeting at the Avalon-Charlotte-as it is mainly-nay solely-concerned with the alternative therapists-we-that is Lester Feldenhammer amp; myself-deemed it unnecessary to invite Lady Denham-so-should you chance into her company-it might be diplomatic not to say anything about it!-

Playing with fire there-Tom-I thought. But I was rather flattered to find myself part of a Sandytown conspiracy-so I said-no bother! — amp; my reward was that big boyish smile.

The kids were off doing their own thing somewhere-so I didnt have to offer to take them-which was a relief. My dip in the hotel pool had whetted my appetite for a real swim-not paddling around in the shallows-keeping an eye on young Parkers.

So off I went-cozzie on under a wrap-towel over my shoulder.

Only a fifteen minute walk down into the village-might take a bit longer coming back up the hill-I thought-but sufficient is the evil-remember?

Met quite a few people who said hello-more than Im likely to meet in Willingden-being Tom Parkers guest gets you on the social register big time!

The beach was pretty crowded. School hols-lots of families-an ice cream van-a burger stall-deck chairs-all the usual stuff for screwing money out of people. I guessed the Hope amp; Anchor was doing a pretty good business too. All in all-Sandytown looks like its booming. Good news for the consortium-Tom delighted because the prosperity gets shared around-Lady D because she sees her investment paying out big.

Mary-in her oblique way-has made it quite clear that civic responsibility doesnt figure large in Lady Ds worldview. Profits the thing. With her own family money-plus the Hollis fortune-she could lounge her life away in luxury. But a lots never enough for the rich. She wants even more!

Sorry-boring!

But you can wake up now. Im getting close to the beach- amp; the hunk!

Like I say-it was crowded-so I wandered along to the farthest extreme of the bay-marked by a rocky outcrop running out into the sea from the foot of North Cliff. You could probably get round the end of this at low tide-but now-with the tide well up-tho retreating-it created a bit of a barrier-reinforced by a sign on a steel post driven into the rock which warned-NO PUBLIC ACCESS-PRIVATE BEACH.

This was just the kind of thing the HB would have erected! So naturally I went scrambling up there without a moments hesitation!

From the top of the outcrop-I found myself looking down on to another bay-much smaller than Sandytowns-but also a lot emptier. In fact there were only four people there- amp; I wasnt too surprised to see they were Lady Denham-Teddy amp; his sister- amp; Clara Brereton.

The younger ones were wearing swimming costumes-Clara a polka dot bikini-that showed her boobs amp; bum to advantage-slender she might be-but even malice couldnt call her skinny. Lovely pale skin-dont know what sunblock she uses but its worth every penny to keep that lovely pearly glow-probably bathes in asses milk every morning. Stopped feeling sorry for her-even if she does have to skivvy for Lady D!

Esther was in a black one piece-revealing she was no frump either-though while Claras charms-asses milk apart-look all natural-I guess Ests are the best money could buy.

Meow!

Mind-I had to look at her twice-because-sitting at Lady Ds feet-looking up at the old bat- amp; listening to her with every sign of interest amp; pleasure-it was hard to recognize the sourpuss Id encountered the previous day. Once again I was put in mind of the sweaty laughing girl Id seen at the Bengel bar disco.

Her ladyship was-naturally-enthroned in a canvas directors chair-with the others-naturally-occupying rugs on the sand.

Teddy-yes Im getting to the meat of my tale-was sprawled alongside Clara-almost but not quite touching-looking up at her with what-even at a distance-I recognized as hot bedroom eyes. She was sitting on her haunches-holding her two yards of shapely leg close to her body-as if scared any relaxation would invite an immediate assault on her pudenda-though whether it was concern for her honor-or awareness of Lady Ds proximity-that kept her virtuous-I couldnt tell.

amp; Teddy the bart? Im happy to say-he isnt one of those prezzies where the wrapping promises more than the gift. Long-lean-as beautifully brown as Clara is gorgeously white-all of his contours muscle-enough hair on his chest to be interesting but well this side of apish-in short-or indeed at length-a dish.

I was going to beat a retreat-but drinking in Teddys delights-objectively! — kept me there longer than I meant- amp; suddenly Lady Ds beady eyes clocked me.

Theres someone there-she boomed-damn cheek!

They all looked-then Teddy rose to his feet-one movement-like a panther-except they dont stand on the hind legs-do they? — but you know what I mean! He cried out-its Charley! — hey Charley-come on down here amp; join us!-

Might have made an excuse amp; left-but I saw Sister Esthers face congeal from dimpling attentiveness to pack-ice mode- amp; that did it!

— Hi-I said-scrambling down-didnt mean to intrude-but the beach back there is absolutely packed-

Bit of an exaggeration-but without thinking Id pushed the right button for Lady D-to whom bodies on the beach ultimately translates into boodle in the bank- amp; she said-never mention it-my dear-any friend of Toms is always welcome here-

Clara smiled up at me-while Esther gave me a twitch of a nod-then-unfreezing her face-turned back to Lady D amp; said-now auntie-you mustnt lose your thread-not when you were telling me the fascinating story of your plans for the estate-

I was trying to work out how to sit close to Teddy-without drawing too much attention to the contrast between my kitchen table legs- amp; Claras works of art-when he solved the problem by saying-youve obviously come to swim-ready for a dip now? — come on!-

He grabbed my hand amp; started leading me down the beach.

I said-what about Clara? — amp; he said-oh shes all right-needs to stick close in case auntie needs her back scratched-or something fetched from the hall-

I glanced back- amp; up. The cliff rose steep amp; bare for about 80 feet-with a zigzag path marked by a guardrail- amp; then for the next 40 or 50 feet the incline became easier-with lots of greenery now-till presumably it flattened into the grounds of the hall. Quite a trip to send someone to fetch the hankie youd forgotten! Dont expect that would worry Lady D though- amp; to give her her due-it was quite a climb-up amp; down-for someone her age. Must be fit as a butchers dog-as the HB likes to say!

I said-must be nice to have your own private beach-

He said-strictly speaking its not aunties at all. Anything between the high tide amp; low tide marks belongs to the Crown- amp; the spring tides here reach several feet up the cliff-but it would take a bold trespasser to argue the point!-

I couldnt argue with this. We soon reached the edge of the water-where he paused-staring out to sea- amp; said something I didnt catch.

— sorry? — I said.

He spoke again-more clearly-but I still couldnt make any sense of it.

Seeing this he smiled-rather patronizingly I thought- amp; repeated the sounds.

— thalatta thalatta-he declaimed (thats how its spelt-I checked it out on the Net)-the sea-the sea-

— no argument there-I said-its the sea-sure enough-

— its Greek-he said-tho I hadnt asked-its what the Greek army-in retreat from Marathon-all shouted in releif-when they breasted a hill amp; saw the Aegean-which meant they were home. I know how they felt-my own heart always swells when I glimpse our own dear North Sea-

I suppose he was trying to impress me with his classical learning- amp; his poetic sensibility-but I just felt he was trying a bit too hard-plus when I checked the word on the Internet-I also got the history- amp; the plonker didnt even have his facts right! Not Marathon-but some place called Cunaxa- amp; not the Aegean-but the Black Sea!

I said-OK-now weve established what it is-are we going to swim in it?-

He said-of course- amp; then-youre not going to believe this-he pushed his trunks down- amp; stepped out of them-so there I was-standing alongside this guy wearing nothing but his big nobbly Rolex-thats his watch I mean! — with his trio of womenfolk not thirty yards away.

I said-for Godsake!-

He said-dont be shocked-I always skinny-dip-

I said-Ive got 4 bros-plus I grew up on a farm-Im not shocked-but what about Lady D- amp; the others?-

He laughed amp; said-oh theyre used to it-auntie pretends to look the other way-but like many old country ladies she likes her meat well hung- amp; Ive often caught her taking a peek-

— through powerful binoculars you mean? — I said-sneering-quite unjustly! — hed have made a donkey envious! — then waded out till the water was deep enough to dive into.

He took his watch off-dropped it on his trunks-followed me in-came up alongside me- amp; stayed there-doing a pretty fair crawl-smiling at me from time to time-as if to say-dont worry-I wont sprint away amp; leave you-so youre quite safe-

Well-you know me-not the fastest thing on fins-but can keep going forever.

There was a buoy about 1/4 mile offshore. I fixed my eyes on it- amp; got into my rhythm. He stuck with me for a while-then dropped behind- amp; when I reached the buoy it was 3 or 4 minutes before he joined me. He tried a smile-but I could see he was knackered- amp; I started to feel guilty. Just cos he had a lousy chat-up line didnt mean he deserved to drown! amp; dragging that thing along beneath him must have been like a plane trying to take off with its flaps down!

We clung on to the buoy for a few minutes-then I said-ready for home?

He nodded- amp; I set off back-breaststroke this time-a lot slower- amp; it gave me room to keep an eye on him.

By the time we reached the shallows-he was so whacked-a little wave knocked him over when he tried to stand up.

Big-test time now-would he turn nasty-or could he take it?

He collapsed on the sand. Wed come ashore about 30 feet from where wed left our gear.

He gasped-do me a favor-Charley-fetch my trunks will you? — Id like to be buried decent-but not at sea-please!-

So that was OK. Dont mind a prat-so long as he can laugh at himself.

I fetched his watch amp; his trunks-he made himself decent-then we sat on the sand together-warming ourselves in the sun-till he got his breath back.

I said-do you ski as well as you swim?-

He said-better-youll be glad to hear-but I usually keep my clothes on. Why?-

I said-I was out in Switzerland before Christmas-near Davos-bunch of my mates from uni-thought I saw your sister there-at a dance-but could be wrong. Kind of place us poor students party at-not really her thing-I shouldnt think-

He pulled a face amp; said-might well have been-Aunt Daph had a rush of blood to the head-took me amp; Ess on a skiing holiday last Christmas-near Davos-

That was generous of her-I said-where were you staying? — Morasinis? — The Fluela?-

— O no-he laughed-dear aunties not that generous! — we had a chalet-but in fairness it was very comfortably appointed-

— so why would Esther be moving amp; grooving with the plebs? — I pressed.

— why not? — he said in the casual tone the upper classes use to disguise an evasion.-Could be there was a ski instructor she fancied-holiday romance-no strings-no harm-but wouldnt do for auntie-

I almost asked-whats it to do with her? — but I didnt need to-being such a clever observer of human behavior! She who pays the piper calls the tune-right? Lady D definitely would not care for the prospect of any of her money-now or later-finding its way into the pocket of a penniless foreigner. So if her beloved neice wanted to stay in her good books amp; her will-shed better pick her young men v carefully. The HB feels much the same-so the way youre going-Ill probably be getting your share!

I was also recalling that-according to George-Emil was a student-not a ski instructor. Teddy-I thought-either youre lying-or Ess lied to you-

I said-so Esther went slumming with us plebs- amp; Lady D never found out-

He said-happily auntie had her own affairs to divert her-

The way he stressed affairs got me curious-but our interesting chat must have been observed-for now it was interrupted by a sergeant-major bellow-Teddy! — what are you doing down there? — Time for lunch!-

The bart flinched- amp; made a face-but he still started to get to his feet.

Shes really got him at the end of a leash-I thought as we headed back to the group. Must be hard for both of them-having to be careful who they got the hots for in case Lady D disapproved. Wonder how shed feel about me?

I was soon to find out!

The women were all on their feet. Clara was gathering up their stuff-bags-towels-Lady Ds folding chair-while Esther gazed out to sea like she was trying to freeze it over. Lady D greeted me with a stern look-then she said-Miss Heywood-if you could lend me your arm-too much sitting makes me stiff-

Not much sign of stiffness-the speed with which she walked me away from the others-but it quickly became clear what she wanted was a private chat.

— a word to the wise-she said-Teddy is a fine young man-

— yes-I noticed-I said.

That got me a sharp glance-then she went on-but alas-he may flatter to decieve-

— you mean hes not to be trusted with a girls affections! — I exclaimed-all shock horror.

— of course I dont mean that! — I am talking of his circumstances-she declared-He may look like a good catch-big mansion-expensive watch-but Denham Park is entailed-cannot be sold- amp; needs more spent on it in repairs than it would probably fetch anyway. As for the watch…

— Yes-I noticed the Rolex-I said-all bright eyed-thinking no harm in letting the old cow peg me as a predatory fortune hunter-could lull her into a false sense of security if I decide to have me wicked way with the bart! — That must be worth 5 thou of anyones money!-

— yes indeed-she said triumphantly-mine! — it was Sir Harrys-my late husbands-Teddys uncle. I gave it to Teddy as a memento-there was nothing in the will-you understand-but I beleive Sir Harry would have wanted it-family meant much to him- amp; as Teddys circumstances have meant he has had to part with many Denham heirlooms-it is good he should retain at least one item-to remind him of dear Harry- amp; better days-

Meaning-I interpreted-that Teddy wouldnt dare flog it-cos shed be asking him the time whenever they met!

Well-I had news for her-Id wondered why the bart took off his Rolex before entering the water-those things are supposed to be still working when theyre dredged up from a ten year old shipwreck. So when I collected the guys trunks-I checked it out- amp; its definitely a Hong Kong job-20 quid off a sampan-you could bend the expanding “gold” bracelet with two fingers if you took a fancy to! I reckon Ted-on-the-rocks has flogged the original- amp; invested in a fake-to fool auntie. Could explain how come he could afford a Buell. That won-it-in-a-lottery story had sounded pretty feeble!

Good for him! — I thought- amp; I said to her-yes-I understand- amp; Im sure someone as attractive- amp; talented-as Teddy will have little difficulty in finding someone his equal in name- amp; his superior in income-

Nicely put-eh?

She nodded- amp; smiled- amp; said-Im so pleased we understand each other-my dear-now I must toil up this path to lunch-

She let go of my arm- amp; Ess-whod been veiwing our tete-a-tete with great suspicion-went into ministering angel mode-leaping forward-presumably to ensure Lady Ds foot did not dash against a stone.

Her ladyship did not look at her-but gazed on me assessingly. I guessed she wanted to reward me for being a sensible peasant-possibly with an invite to lunch-which I wasnt crazy about-but might just accept-to put Esthers nose out of joint!

Then she said-in a very measured extremely condescending tone-Miss Heywood do tell Tom Parker to bring you to my hog roast this Sunday-

Her hog roast-which-according to Mary-the consortium was paying for!

I resisted the temptation to do a curtsy- amp; said-that would be lovely-but Im probably going home on Saturday-

I expected her to react sort of amazed anyone could turn down a royal invite-instead she said-yes-of course-your family must miss you-family loyalties are so important. Come if you change your mind-meanwhile-do feel free to stay here as long as you like- amp; dont be afraid to come again-whenever the public beach is full-

There! In my place-or what?

I felt like kicking sand in her face.

Instead I said-very dignified-thank you-so kind-but I really ought to get back to my friends- amp; off I stalked!

Id gone about a dozen yards when Teddy caught up with me.

— dont take any notice of the old bat-he said-she cant help it-still thinks were living in the dark ages!-

Which might have impressed me with his independence-if he hadnt still been whispering-for fear of being overheard!

I said-better get back-else you might be sent to bed without any lunch-

He grinned-hes got a great grin- amp; said-who cares about lunch-so long as the company in beds good? Look-Id like to see you again-soon-

I said-pushing it-is that an invitation to Denham Park then? — or do you need permission to invite someone to your own home?-

He winced-then said-of course not-though I warn you-the plumbings terrible! What Id really like is to give you a ride-on the Beast I mean. You could borrow Ests leathers. The trick is-to get the full experience-not to wear anything at all underneath!-

Who writes this guys scripts?!!

But-like a good thriller-it may be a load of crap-but you cant stop reading it!

I said-Ill think about it- amp; scrambled over the rocks-back to the main beach-even more crowded now than before. Suddenly the peace amp; friendliness of Kyoto House seemed very attractive.

So off I set to trudge back up the hill.

But my exciting adventures werent over yet!

However-youll have to wait for the next exciting episode-as I have to go amp; interview a woman who says that an infusion of whortleberries amp; a nettle oil massage have taken 20 years off her age.

You see-Im a working girl too!

Much love

Charley xxx