The Price of Butcher's Meat

8

So what do you make of that, Mildred? I could do with a bit of female input.

Nowt worries me more from a woman than a sudden rush of honesty. Usually means they’re hiding something, in my experience!

Old Fester too. Mebbe after I went back in to pick up my file and Mildred, he got to thinking I could have been eavesdropping on his call to Pet. Mebbe it weren’t Pet’s idea to come clean, but Fester’s. Mebbe there’s something he’s more worried about me finding out than that the two of them were both wandering round loose during the period when Daph got topped. I’d put money it’s got summat to do with that song about the Indian maid, the one that got Fester so upset when Ted the bart whistled it in the pub. I were singing it in the shower when Pet jumped me. Got to give it to her, the way she explained doing that were pretty convincing! Don’t know why they give Oscars to them Hollywood stars for spouting some other bugger’s lines when half the women I know could act ’em off the screen without breaking sweat! No, it was Daph visiting me, then me singing “The Indian Maid” as did it.

My guess is Daph must have got something on Fester, something that meant he couldn’t just tell her to sod off and bother some other bugger. She wants him, but she can’t buy him, ’cos, first off, he seems pretty comfortable already, and second, it’s clear the one intimate part of herself she kept out of everyone’s reach was her purse! Nay, it had to be summat really personal to keep him dangling at the end of Lady D’s string.

Likely Pete’ll think I’m delusional if I tell him any of this. Any road, last thing I want is him getting a sniff of my knee trembler with Pet. Don’t think he’s got any secrets from Ellie. Okay, she wouldn’t go running to Cap, but by God, the reproachful glowers I’d have to put up with! So I’ll sit on that till I know what it is I’m sitting on, as the actress said to the bishop.

What Pete will like is knowing how the wine got on Daph’s dress. I can see his eyes lighting up as he thinks, What if it went further than wine throwing and ended up with Pet on top of her, throttling the poor old biddy? Doesn’t mean to kill her, but when she realizes how far things have gone, she rushes off to fetch Fester. So they decide the best thing is to stick her in the hog roast!

Doesn’t sound all that likely to me. And it ’ud mean all that stuff about fixing then unfixing their stories was even more complicated than it looks! No, like all the best lies, I reckon most of Pet’s story is true, up until the storm starts anyway.

So what was all that stuff about squealing pigs she overheard? Mebbe the animal rights nutters had got close enough to really put the frighteners on Daph. But you don’t soften people up, then top them, do you?

So where now? Report back to Pete?

Nay, he’ll have plenty of other things to worry about. And I don’t want to look like I’m hanging around, all pathetic, like them poor old sods who sit on park benches watching the lasses playing tennis.

Not that I’d mind the company of a bit of young stuff for a change. That lass of Stompy Heywood’s now, she’s got an interesting way of looking at things. And a nice turn of phrase. If I’d caught her a bit younger, she might have trained up into a good cop. Said I needed a bit of female input, didn’t I, Mildred? And talking to her ’ud give me the chance to take a closer look at the Parker setup. Sounds like if anyone will benefit from poor old Daph’s departure, it’s Tom Parker. Now he’ll have free scope to put all his daft ideas into action!

So Kyoto House it is. But how am I to get there? That’s the rub. No problem, Pet ’ull fix me up a lift. Her and Fester will be only too glad to see me off the premises.

And if I time it right, I might get a bite of lunch too!