The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

Myths About Anal Fisting

Just as there are many myths about anal sex in general, there are several misconceptions about anal fisting (or handballing) in particular. The following are a few of the most common myths.

Anal fisting is not exactly what it sounds like—you don’t just make a fist and stick it in someone’s ass. Fisting is a gradual penetration process of adding finger after finger until you can curve your fingers and comfortably fit your entire hand in someone’s rectum. Some people may cringe when they read that, but when done safely and properly, fisting can be an incredibly intense, pleasurable experience for both partners. As Bert Herrman, one of the leading experts on anal fisting, reminds us, “The joy comes from the feeling not the anatomical description.”[47]

In the late 1960s and 1970s, gay and bisexual men popularized the practice of anal fisting, especially in bath-houses and private parties in major urban areas. It is widely believed that people engaged in fisting for decades before the sexual revolution, but the recorded history of the practice in Western culture dates to the late sixties. (According to sex educator Robert Morgan, fisting has been practiced in China and India for thousands of years.) Like other forms of anal sex, anal fisting has become intrinsically linked with gay men, and only gay men, because particular communities of gay men were widely practicing it. However, while not as common as other forms of anal eroticism, anal fisting is practiced and enjoyed by many women, with both female and male partners.

In her erotic writing of the early 1980s, Pat Califia wrote about anal fisting among lesbians who practiced S/M, and by the early 1990s, Bert Herrman reported that both men and women subscribed to Trust/The Handballing Newsletter. Some women, in fact, become aware of and interested in anal fisting through gay male pornography. Many women, especially lesbians, enjoy gay male erotic stories, photography, and videos and have learned about techniques and safety from these sources as well as from gay men who practice anal fisting.

Some people think that anal fisting will leave the receptive partner in diapers or the insertive partner with a disease. When anal fisting is done with patience and care, it will not injure either of you. Insertive partners can practice safer sex to protect themselves from contracting an STD or other diseases.

Contrary to some popular misconceptions, being anally fisted will not make you bleed excessively, damage your rectum, stretch out your anus, or rupture your intestines—if done correctly.

Anal Fisting and Safer Sex

Unless you are monogamous or fluid-bonded, you should practice safer sex every time you engage in anal fisting. There are some specific differences between the regular safer sex practices already outlined in the book and the precautions you should take for anal fisting.

Just as you can use water-based lubricants for anal penetration, you can use larger amounts of thicker, water-based lubricants for fisting; however, most experienced fisting aficionados say they prefer oil-based lubes because they are thicker and dry up much less quickly than their water-based counterparts. While you should never use oil-based lubes for vaginal penetration, because they will not naturally flush out of the vagina, they do flush out of the rectum easily during defecation. It is important to remember, however, that you won’t be able to use condoms for anal penetration one to two days after oil-based lubricants are used in the rectum, because the oils will destroy latex condoms.

Many fisters use Crisco regularly because it’s thick, it’s inexpensive, and it works. Regular, rather than butter or other flavors, is recommended. Remember that sticking your hand in a can of Crisco will leave that can full of bacteria and not usable with any new partner. Try Crisco sticks (individually wrapped portions that resemble sticks of butter) or scoop smaller amounts of Crisco out of the can into a separate container for use with one partner and one session; make sure to clean these containers frequently.

If you are nonmonogamous, you should always use protective gloves for fisting; the risks that are present for anal penetration are magnified for anal fisting. Bert Herrman outlines these risks for the insertive partner:

Latex gloves protect the person doing the fisting as well as the person being fisted. Even monogamous and fluid-bonded partners may prefer using gloves since the rectum is easily irritated by fingernails or rough skin.

While it is a proven fact that vegetable shortening and oil-based lubricants break down latex condoms, latex gloves tend to be much thicker than condoms and therefore can be used for fisting. Many sex educators recommend that you change into a fresh pair of gloves every fifteen to twenty minutes to ensure safety by preventing tiny holes from forming in the latex.

Latex gloves are sold in many drug stores, in bags of small quantities or boxes of fifty or one hundred. Some gloves are certified sterile, others aren’t; however, the place you’ll be putting your hand won’t be sterile (not even with the most fastidious enema), so the gloves do not necessarily need to be sterile. Some gloves are powdered on the inside to make it easier to put them on. You should rinse gloves out because the powder may irritate your partner’s delicate, sensitive anal tissue. Herrman has another tip for the glove wearer:

Some people wear two gloves or purchase heavier rubber gloves commonly used for household work; these gloves also tend to be longer (more like “opera length”), which can be a plus for people who want to venture beyond the wrist. Keep in mind that heavier gloves tend to decrease the inserter’s sensitivity and sense of how lubricated the glove is.

Recently, many people who regularly use latex gloves—especially those in health care professions—have become either allergic to latex or latex-sensitive. If you are sensitive to latex, you might not want to try Herrman’s technique of putting nonoxynol-9 inside the glove; you may also want to try well-fitting vinyl gloves. You might try coating your hand with liquid silicone (found in medical supply or auto supply stores) before putting on a latex glove.[50]

Anal Fisting: The How-To’s

People who enjoy being penetrated by larger plugs and dildos and like the feeling of fullness and pressure may also delight in being fisted. Fisting takes a large amount of everything that anal sex requires: latex, lube, desire, patience, relaxation, communication, and trust. Fisting takes a great deal of time and skill; you should proceed to fisting only after you have become comfortable with extensive anal penetration.

In order to prepare yourself to be fisted, it’s a good idea to do some Kegel exercises for several weeks beforehand. Get used to contracting and relaxing your anal sphincter muscles. Relax.

Deep breathing during foreplay and fisting is a great way to relax, get focused, and get in touch with your body.

I cannot stress enough that a proper diet with enough fiber is a key component to enjoying anal pleasure. Diet is very important for a person who’s going to be fisted.

Most people who practice anal fisting recommend an enema for the receptive partner because of the depth of penetration. Chapter 5 covers different types of enemas and how to give them. Remember to have an enema at least two hours before the sexual encounter, avoid using harsh chemical enemas, and don’t have enemas too often. An enema clears out not only the “bad” bacteria, but also the “good” bacteria that normally live in and help our digestive systems; you can take acidophilus (available at most health food stores) to bring your system back in balance. Bert Herrman recommends that you eat easy-to-digest food for nineteen to thirty-six hours before your enema, and very little eighteen hours before fisting. Avoid foods containing small seeds (like strawberries).

Some advice before you make a hellish trip to the laundromat: There is going to be some mess, so you should have lots of paper towels on hand. You should also know that oil-based lubricants and anal secretions are not exactly the easiest laundry job. Many fans of fisting recommend using “chucks,” plastic sheets used as under-pads in hospitals. They are made to absorb, and they are disposable. You can find them at hospital supply stores.

After the enema, an erotic fisting session should begin like any erotic encounter involving anal penetration. Relax. Do whatever you need to—baths, candles, music, meditation, visualization, deep breathing, massage—to relax each other. Take your time. Focus on your desire for each other, on communicating, and on trusting each other.

You should also experiment with positions. You want to find one that is comfortable for both of you and that allows the easiest entry and depth of penetration. Some people like to be on their backs with their legs on their partner’s shoulders. Some like to be in the doggie-style position on hands and knees, affording a good angle of entry.

Others like to be in a sling—a specially designed seat made of leather, canvas, or plastic webbing (like a hammock for one). A sling is usually suspended from the ceiling or a hook high on the wall. You can lie in it comfortably with your head above your waist, and your partner can have good, flexible access to your ass. Slings can be an expensive item at specialty sex and leather stores and are usually purchased by advanced players.

Just as outlined in the techniques for anal penetration, you should work your way up from external stimulation to actual penetration, with all the necessary steps in between. Remember that the initial opening-up process takes time for the receiver. You may want to start with fingers, graduate to a small butt plug, maybe a dildo, then go back to fingers. Or you can use only your hand the entire time. Rather than pushing your way in, let your partner suck your hand inside and guide you to each new level. Work your fingers inside, adding more lubricant as you go, until you have worked up to four fingers.

A good way to begin the handballing process is to put your fingers together to create a point with your hand, and gently slide inside. Stop as soon as you feel resistance and stay there, letting the muscles get used to the feeling. Each person likes a different method for entry. Some people like to move with a slow, constant pressure. Others use a twisting motion to work their way inside. Some let the receiver draw the hand inside or go slowly in and out as you would with a penis or dildo. Some keep their fingers together in the point until they feel like they can spread their fingers slightly. You can also cup your hand with your fingers curled into your palm. The trickiest part of hand-balling is the first move into the rectum. Make sure that you are well lubed, because this will be a crucial step.

As with each progression of penetration, when you’ve gotten your hand inside the rectum, stay there for a while. Let your hand get used to the feelings, and let your partner get used to the feelings she or he is experiencing. Now, remember your anatomy lesson and that all-important curve of the rectum. Feel your way as you venture, and let your partner guide your hand. Go as far as feels comfortable for your partner. You don’t have to keep going and going; get to a place that feels good, and decide that’s as far as you’ll go.

Once you’re in the rectum, some partners may like you to stay where you are, while you stimulate their genital area with your free hand or a vibrator. Other folks may like some actual in-and-out movement; keep in mind that your movement while fisting should never be too drastic or jerky. Again, it’s all about communication between the two of you.

If you are the receptive partner, remember that you are in control of the action. It’s critical that you pay attention to your body, know your limits, and communicate with your partner. She will take all her cues from you, and so you need to be aware of your desires, your needs, and the sensations you are feeling. Do not push yourself to do something if your body isn’t ready. Rest and take a break if you need one. Stop if and when you need to stop. If you listen to your body, when it is ready to take an entire hand inside your rectum, the feeling will be nothing but pleasurable, intense, and ecstatic.

Afterward, you may feel like having another enema in order to clean out all the lubricant. Do not have an enema. Your system has been worked over, and an enema will only irritate your rectum, especially if there are minute abrasions. It is a good idea for you to eat and drink something.

You may experience some soreness, gas pain, irregular bowel movements, or slight spotting of blood when you wipe yourself. All this should correct itself within twenty-four hours. Use common sense: if you are bleeding, experiencing severe pain, have a fever, or feel very sick, go see a doctor immediately. But if you’ve listened to your body, and your partner has listened to you, anal fisting will leave you satisfied and happily exhausted.