The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

Enemas

So you want to have an enema. First, I want to reiterate that you don’t have to have an enema in order to have relatively safe and clean anal sex. Some people find that an enema helps reassure them about the cleanliness of their anuses and the emptiness of their bowels. Others like to give or receive enemas as part of an erotic encounter or an S/M scene; for them an enema does not necessarily go hand in hand with anal sex but becomes an erotic activity unto itself.

When I use the term enema, I am referring to a douche of the anal canal and rectum. There are other practices that some people also call enemas—including colonics, high colonics, or cleaning of the transverse colon—which I do not cover in this book.

I cannot stress enough that giving enemas is a skill that takes practice and patience. Your first enema may feel strange. Since your rectum is used to expelling matter, having water flow into it can feel a little weird at first. Don’t worry—this sensation of fullness in your rectum just takes some getting used to. When you have a bowel movement from an enema, it may feel like having diarrhea. Just remember to listen to your body—an enema can feel different, but it should not be uncomfortable or painful at all.

There are three different kinds of enemas, and I will review them from simplest to most complex (also see figure 7).

You can purchase a bulb syringe at most drug stores. If you don’t want to use a bulb syringe, you can buy an enema kit at a drug store, empty out the chemical solution, and refill the nozzle-tipped bottle with plain warm water.

Many people find that filling a bath with warm water (around 100°F) is the easiest way to begin this kind of enema. Fill the syringe with water and gently insert the tip into your rectum. Lubricate the tip and your anus with water-based lubricant before insertion. Squeeze the bulb to release the water into your rectum. Withdraw the syringe as you continue squeezing, then refill it with water and repeat. Do it a few times or until you feel “full” of water. Wait a few minutes, then get out of the tub, go sit on the toilet, and let nature take its course. You can get back in the tub and repeat the enema (about two to three times) until your bowels are completely cleaned out.

Giving yourself an enema with an enema bag and plastic tubing (also called a fountain syringe) takes a little more skill, and maybe even an assistant. You need an enema bag (which resembles a hot water bottle with a nozzle on the bottom), tubing, and a hook of some kind to hang the bag on (over either the toilet or the tub).

Fill the bag with warm water (100°F). Hang the bag within easy reach and no more than eighteen inches above your butt. Find a position that’s comfortable; you may want to try lying on your left side with your right leg pulled up to your chest or kneeling with your ass up, your head down, and one side of your face against the floor. Again, apply some water-based lubricant to the tip of the nozzle and inside your anus. Gently insert the tube into your rectum, then release the valve on the bag until water begins to flow at the desired pressure (very low pressure is best). You’ll know when you’ve had enough. When you feel full, close the gauge, take the tube out, and go to the toilet. Repeat several times until only water comes out during a bowel movement.

You can buy an attachment for your shower—called the aluminum nozzle attachment, the silver bullet attachment, or the shower bidet attachment—through sex shops or mail-order catalogs. After you’ve attached it to your shower, set the temperature to a comfortable level of warmth and the flow to a desired speed and pressure (slower is better, especially for beginners). Again, find a comfortable position, like kneeling, squatting, or standing with one leg up on the edge of the tub.

Slip the tube inside, take as much water as you can, and hold it for a few minutes. if you have an exceptional drainage system, you may want to remain in the shower and shoot the water back out. Doing it right in the shower means you don’t have to keep jumping in and out, and the mess will wash right down the drain. Or you can return to the toilet to ensure less mess. Repeat the enema until you’re all clean, usually two or three times total—don’t overdo it.

• You should feel no discomfort during an enema; if you experience pain or cramping, go sit on the toilet right away.

• If you’re having an enema in preparation for anal sex, you should do it at least two to three hours prior to having sex to give your body a chance to reabsorb water and recover.

• Storebought enemas like the Fleet Ready-to-Use Enema™ contain laxatives and harsh chemicals that can irritate your rectum; plain filtered water without additives is a better idea. Never use a vaginal douche in your rectum.

• Do not use a turkey baster to give yourself or your partner an enema. Turkey basters are too long and are made of plastic that is inflexible and may have rough seams.

• Depending on the state of your water supply, you may want to use heated bottled water (100°F).

• I’ve heard about vodka enemas, coffee enemas, and other exotic enemas, but these are really not good for you. Any liquid you put in your rectum gets absorbed so quickly that it’s like shooting it in your veins. It will ultimately irritate your rectum, and it could make you very, very sick.

• Allow yourself plenty of time and several bowel movements before you’re cleaned out.

• Do not share enema equipment.

• Clean and disinfect your enema equipment carefully (diluted liquid bleach is a good disinfectant).

• Carefully read and follow all instructions that accompany enema kits or equipment.

• It’s not a good idea to have enemas too frequently. They tend to stress out your rectum, and too much of this evacuation can throw your rectum, bowels, and gastrointestinal tract off balance. According to sex educator Robert Morgan, frequent use of enemas can wash away mucosa from your rectum and cause colitis/proctitis.

• If, after an enema, you don’t have a bowel movement or expel any liquid, you could be dehydrated or have a serious condition. See a doctor immediately.[37]

The Barber and the Back Door: Shaving the Anal Area

Although it is not widely discussed, many people find that shaving their own or their partner’s anal area can be very erotic. Guidelines for shaving the anal area are very similar to those for shaving a woman’s pubic area or a man’s balls and pubic area. Use a regular disposable razor—leave the wielding of straight razors to the professionals—and plenty of nonirritating shaving cream (I find Aveeno Shaving GeI™ with oatmeal ideal). Find a clean, well-lit place to work, go slowly, and be careful. If you’re shaving your own anus, use a hand-held mirror so you can see exactly what you’re doing.

It’s probably a good idea not to shave the anal area right before you’re planning to have sex; since you’ll have a greater chance of having nicks or cuts, be extra careful and definitely practice safer sex. One more thing: when the hair grows back, it will itch, so use a soothing lotion.