The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women - читать бесплатно онлайн полную версию книги автора Tristan Taormino (10 • S/M AND GENDERPLAY) #12

10 • S/M AND GENDERPLAY

S/M and Anal Sex

Sadomasochism (S/M) is often misrepresented and misunderstood in mainstream culture; frequently, S/M is equated with whips and chains, violent abuse, and deviant behavior. In reality, S/M has nothing to do with abuse or force—it is a consensual exchange of power arousing to both partners that may or may not involve genital sex. S/M includes one partner who is referred to as the dominant or the top; this person is in charge of the encounter, or scene, taking an active role in directing the activities. The other partner, referred to as the submissive or the bottom, takes a receptive role in the scene.

Both partners negotiate a scene beforehand, communicating their likes and dislikes as well as their physical and emotional boundaries and limits.

S/M encompasses a broad spectrum of practices, including but not limited to role-playing; dominance and submission; bondage and discipline; flagellation (spanking, slapping, paddling, whipping); sensory deprivation with the use of blindfolds, hoods, gags, and/or ear plugs; and body modification (permanent and nonpermanent piercing, cutting, branding))

One of my current fantasies has my partner coming home while am scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees in a maid’s outfit. She puts down her bag and tells me not to turn around, and then I realize that she is already wearing her strap-on as she proceeds to fuck me in the ass. HARD.

Anal sex can be a very hot part of an S/M scene for many different reasons. Because it is already considered taboo, naughty, and forbidden, those attitudes can be exaggerated and played with in the context of an erotic encounter.

My favorite way to combine S/M and anal play is to make her submit to it and then tell her what a bad girl she is for wanting it.

I COULDN’T RESIST RUNNING MY HAND OVER HIS BUM.

He pushed it up into my palm, and I stroked the firm, muscular globes. I ran my hand lightly down the crack, past his anus and over his balls. I heard him expel his breath with a little sigh of pleasure, at which point I drew myself up and let the lash crack down upon the beautiful flesh.

— LINDA JAIWN[53]

ONLY A SHORT WHILE BEFORE, when she had been kneeling half-naked before Rene, and Sir Stephen had opened her thighs with both his hands, Rene had explained to Sir Stephen why O’s buttocks were so easily accessible, and why he was so pleased that they had been so prepared: it was because it had occurred to him that Sir Stephen would enjoy having his preferred path constantly at his disposal.

— PAULINE REAGE[54]

Sometimes I like to incorporate some of the taboos about ass-fucking into our dialogue during sex, like saying, “Oh, you’re such a bad girl—only bad girls like getting it in the ass. How did you get sooooo naughty?”

For men and women interested in relinquishing control, letting someone else decide what goes on, or being told what to do by a top, anal sex provides a perfect activity of surrender.

Others find that being anally penetrated is the ultimate experience of submission, yet still very safe because they can set the boundaries and be in control of the action.

I like anal sex because submitting to my partner this way is one of the ultimate gifts I can give her. It is something I crave and absolutely love, but it is also something that takes a great deal of trust for me to do.

S/M can also be an exploration of the limits of your body: how much you can give and take and for how long. Anal play and penetration can be an excellent manifestation of this metaphor.

It continues to amaze me that it feels really awesome, and that I can take a big butt plug, and that I like it so much. I also like being on the receiving end because… I love the aggressive side that comes out in her when she’s fucking me in the ass.

Many people who practice S/M explore the power dynamics of dominance and submission.

I like the idea of “forced” penetration. The idea of holding my lover down, with a knife to her throat, and forcing myself into her tight ass while verbally humiliating her and pinching her tits and slapping her… I love sensual and nonscene-oriented anal sex, too, but it is… the violation that really gets me off.

For people interested in incorporating anal sex into dominant-submissive role playing, it is especially important to negotiate your desires and boundaries with your partner. Keep in mind that if the mutually agreed upon use of force, bondage, or very hard fucking are involved in a scene with anal play, you should still go slowly and let the receptive partner take the lead. S/M practitioners often explore the edges of pleasure and pain, but these practices should never be conflated with the experience of anal sex. Anal sex should never be forced or painful even in the context of an S/M scene, because you can do damage to your partner’s body. When anal sex is consensual and approached with patience, gentleness, and lots of lube, it can be an ecstatic part of S/M play.[55]

Genderplay and Anal Sex

My current partner is a bi woman and we alternately take on different gender roles in our relationship. There is a gender fluidity that is very important to me.

Many people enjoy enacting gender role-playing, “switching” gender roles, or combining gender characteristics during erotic encounters. Genderbending and genderplay are great ways to explore the complexities of our own genders and how they relate to our sexual identities and practices.

Some of the myths associated with anal sex are related to gender and sexual identity, and these make it ripe for genderplay. For example, some men embrace its perceived link to submission and feminization:

I love to be fucked. I fantasize about being a woman. And sometimes about just being a man while my female partner takes on the role of a man in my head. The genderbending and role reversal here can sometimes be threefold as we switch gender, dominance, and identity all at the same time.

Playing with the association between anal sex and gay men, some heterosexual and lesbian couples like to role-play gay male sex scenes:

I like genderplay within anal sex situations… I like to be a “fag” with my (female) partner, who’s also a gay man.

With the help of some imagination, sexy dialogue, costumes and props, or a dildo and harness, you and your partner can be just about anyone you want to be.

SHE SPREAD MY LEGS WIDE, pulled on a latex glove, reached across me to the nightstand for lube, and then began working fingers into my ass.

“Don’t move your hands,” she whispered, while hers invaded me, one long finger at a time, first working in and then starting to fuck—repeating again and again until she had three up my ass and I was as stretched out and full as I’d ever been.

Her other hand, ruby ring glinting in the low light from a streetlamp, lay splayed across my belly, holding me down, thumb slowly working my clit, while she fucked my ass with the other. I held the bars but soon writhed crazily with the sensation, and as she flicked me more and more fiercely I raised my legs to her shoulders, spreading my ass as wide to her as I could wanting to let her get at me as deeply as possible.

When she felt my body tighten up in an imminent come, she stopped playing with my clit altogether, pulled my nipple hard, and I orgasmed from her pumping hand alone, coming until I was curled up practical y sobbing—but still holding the bars.

“You’re so good,” I gasped when she was finally done with me, and she gave me that small smile again and said, “What I like about assholes is, everybody has one.”

— CAROL QUEEN[56]

You can be your girlfriend’s boyfriend, your male partner’s gay lover, or a “chick with a dick.” Your female partner can be a male hustler or your husband. Your male partner can be a submissive young woman with a strict mistress or a girly girl being told what to do.

I absolutely love to penetrate my male partners with a strap-on dildo. It’s very important to me as a newly reformed butch dyke to continue to play with gender roles.

Although dildos are not penis replacements, they certainly symbolize a great deal of erotic potential. Women who strap on a dildo can feel silly, sexy, or wildly powerful:

Mostly now I have sex with men (actually, I only have sex with one man now, but even before that it’s been mostly men for the past few years), and I like to have a penis and fuck with it. I like to run around the house with my strap-on on, knowing I’m going to use it on my partner, who is nervous but excited; it makes me feel silly and selfish and rude and excited. I am typically more of a bottom in bed, but when I put on my penis, I am Ober-top, with a whole new erotic personality.

Combining genderplay and anal sex is a way to explore a range of fantasies: enacting a more dominant, aggressive role; experiencing a submissive, receptive role; or assuming a different sexual identity altogether. Because everyone has the anal orifice in common, anal sex can be both the great equalizer and a source of genderbending, fantasy, and unlimited erotic possibilities.