You Against Me

Nineteen

Something had changed in her by the time he came back with his jacket, because she took his hand, actually took his hand, and led him across the car park to the sea wall.

‘There’s a bench over there,’ she said. ‘Come on.’

The tide was out and a stretch of sand had opened up. Mikey looked in both directions, up and down the beach, but apart from a bloke with a dog, and another bloke fishing, there were no people about.

‘I think we should go down,’ he said. ‘It’ll be less windy.’

‘No, let’s stay here. It’s a better view.’

She sat on the bench and patted the space next to her. She really was very pretty. It was like it was dawning on him, like she got prettier and prettier the longer he looked. Her skin was so smooth and she had the most amazing eyes – blue with splashes of grey in them.

He cast a quick look around. Did it matter if they sat up here? It was more exposed, but apart from Jacko, no one round here would know who she was. He yanked his hood up just to be safe and sat down.

She shuffled close and leaned in to him.

‘Look at that,’ she said. ‘So much water just for us.’

Mikey had seen people do this plenty of times, just sitting watching the sea doing its thing – in and out. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the wind, or the smell of the beach or the way the waves never gave up, it was that he’d never seen the point of it. But today was different. Today he was with Ellie.

He had to do things right, treat her right. What was it his mum always said? If you want a girl to like you, you have to listen like a woman and love like a man. She reckoned that men hardly ever ask questions and when they do, they never listen to the answers.

He’d start with something simple, to get into the swing of things.

‘So, why aren’t you at school?’ he said.

‘I bunked it.’

‘Second time in five days, eh?’

‘Oh, I’ve got no shame.’

That sent a thrill of something through him. He wanted to touch her, especially her hair. It was loose and snapping in the wind. Seaside hair with strands of blonde among the gold. He coughed, shuffled about on the bench and adjusted his jacket, tried to concentrate.

‘How did you get here?’ he said. ‘Did you walk or get the bus?’

‘My brother gave me a lift.’ A pause, then, ‘You met my brother, didn’t you?’

He nodded, fumbled in his pocket for his tobacco. ‘Yeah, at the party. Just for a minute, near the end.’

‘Ah, yes,’ she said, ‘the party. The one you gatecrashed.’

He pinched tobacco into a paper and rolled it, aware she was looking at him. ‘You sound like a cop.’

‘Which makes you the criminal.’ She was so quick at answers. She glittered with cleverness.

He offered her the finished rollie. ‘You want this?’

‘I don’t smoke.’

‘Sensible.’

Still she was watching him. He lit up and took a drag, pulled it down hard. ‘So,’ he said, ‘tell me about this argument, who was it with?’

‘It’s too long to tell.’

‘I’ve got time.’

‘I’d rather talk about you.’

That wasn’t what was meant to happen next. What was the point of asking girls questions if they refused to answer? And what were you supposed to do when they turned it round and asked you stuff?

‘Tell me a secret,’ she said. ‘Tell me something about you that I don’t know.’

What was she expecting? A confession that he was married or gay or something? He took a drag of his cigarette, then another, before he thought of the perfect thing.

‘OK,’ he said. ‘I don’t really go to college.’

She looked surprised. ‘Why did you say you did?’

‘I thought you wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t clever. I work here full-time, but I’m learning stuff I’d never discover at college. There’s a great chef and he’s teaching me.’

He wasn’t sure she understood how important this was and he wanted her to know. ‘I’ve always liked those cooking programmes on the telly – you know the ones? I want to be like Jamie Oliver and run a whole kitchen. It’s very complicated, takes years to learn.’

Ellie nodded as if she was really listening. She asked him how long he’d worked in the pub and what his hours were. She asked about Jacko and how long they’d known each other. He told her everything, including his dream of working in a top London restaurant. He hadn’t meant to let that one out, but she was so easy to talk to, taking every word somewhere deep inside. He could have sat there all day talking. But then he remembered his mum’s advice.

‘You tell me a secret now,’ he said.

‘OK.’ She leaned in close. ‘Here’s my secret. I’m hopeless at cooking, I can’t even make cakes from packets, or follow recipes or anything, but’ – and here she moved closer, her breath hot in his ear – ‘I think boys who cook are very sexy, and, one day, I’d like you to show me how you do it.’

He laughed out loud. ‘That’s a promise.’

It was weird. At the pub she’d seemed frightened, as if she was worried he hadn’t wanted to see her. But out here, it was like she was running the show. She was totally flirting with him, it was great. It was obvious she wanted something to happen between them. It gave him confidence.

‘So what else do you find sexy, then?’

‘Easy.’ She held out a hand to count on her fingers. ‘Boys who play guitar, boys who make me laugh, boys who have a nice smile and boys who never lie.’

Shit! That was a lot to live up to, especially the no-lying bit.

‘Can you play guitar?’ she said.

‘No, but I had a drumming lesson once.’

She rolled her eyes as if that was a total let-down. Well, maybe he should try and be funny then.

‘I’ll tell you my little sister’s favourite joke,’ he said.

‘Go on then.’

‘OK, what do you call a sheep with no legs?’

She wrinkled her nose to think about it. He liked that. She had a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose that he’d never noticed before.

‘I give up.’

‘A cloud.’

She groaned, rather than laughed. But she leaned in to him to do it, and her hair brushed his face. He kissed the top of her head, suddenly, out of the blue. He hadn’t meant to, it just happened – right there on a bench outside the pub. And although a faraway part of him knew it was a bad idea, there was a much closer, bigger part of him that wasn’t going to stop. Not while she didn’t move away, not while his kisses climbed down her hair to her neck and one of his hands crept inside her coat to pull her closer.

‘You’re beautiful,’ he whispered.

She went very still, then slowly pulled away. She looked startled. He felt a bit surprised too – as if he’d said he loved her, which he never had to any girl. It was one of his rules.

Her eyes flickered. ‘Beautiful?’

‘Totally.’

‘What about my scar?’

‘I like it.’

She looked down at herself. ‘What about my legs? I’ve got horrible legs.’

‘No, you’ve got beautiful legs.’ To prove it he got off the bench and inspected both ankles, cupping each foot in turn.

‘My shoes might be dirty.’

She was wearing her school skirt and tights, like before. It filled him with longing and fear to be down there, close to her feet, close to her ankles, her knees, her thighs.

She took a handful of his jacket and pulled it gently, so he had to look up.

‘Maybe you should come and sit back down?’

But he couldn’t move. He was an animal, wild and hungry. He let his tongue hang out, did that panting thing dogs did, hoping for a smile. He rubbed his head against her thigh like he wanted stroking.

But she didn’t stroke him. In fact, she went a bit quiet and moved along the bench and looked at her mobile.

‘Don’t you need to go soon?’ she said. ‘Won’t you get sacked or something?’

It was very complicated, the way she went from flirting to cool, but he knew she liked him, however much she was avoiding it now.

‘I want to see you again,’ he said. ‘Will you meet me after my shift? I finish at ten.’

‘I’m busy tonight.’

Of course, she was only sixteen and it was a weekday evening – what was he thinking?

‘I get a half-day on Saturday,’ he said. ‘I’ll meet you in the afternoon, we’ll do something.’

She stood up, made a big show of adjusting her bag on her shoulder, then folded her arms at him. ‘What will we do?’

He should’ve thought before he opened his big mouth. It had to be quality with a girl like her. Not a pub or a club, but somewhere amazing – hot-air ballooning, or a trip in a space ship. It also had to be somewhere far away from everywhere.

‘I know. I’ll borrow my mate’s car and we’ll do that wild swim thing. You remember telling me about some place where the waves are really massive?’

She frowned at him, like that was the worst idea in the world. But he was burning with it. It was what he wanted to do more than anything else. Just for a bit. For a day. A half-day. An hour. To be alone with her.

Seconds went past. Ellie chewed her lip and stared down at the beach. The bloke with the dog was still there and the dog was yapping because the bloke was holding a ball a fraction out of its reach. Ellie watched them. Out of the corner of his eye, Mikey watched her.

This was deep for her. She was only in Year Eleven and he was two years older and knew stuff about the world. It was his job to make her feel OK.

‘Nothing can happen unless you want it to,’ he said.

Which wasn’t strictly true – just look at Karyn. But it would be true for Ellie. Eventually she’d give stuff away about her brother, and he wasn’t going to hurt her while he looked for it. They’d hang out, kiss some more. No harm done.

‘Ellie, come out with me, come on. What are you scared of?’

‘Not of you.’ She whipped round, her eyes shining. ‘All right, let’s do it then.’

It was like she was accepting a dare.