You Against Me

Thirty-three

Mikey banged out of the door and down the stairs. Never mind the lift, stairs were quicker, racing down five flights, his heart pounding. Just before the bottom, he stopped, because there she was outside, her face pointing up to the rain. He slammed through the doors and marched up to her.

‘What are you doing?’

Her dress was wet, her jeans were wet, even her eyelashes were dripping with rain. ‘I had to see you.’

‘You can’t just text and demand I come down or you’re coming up. Who do you think you are?’

‘I’m sorry. I wouldn’t really have come up. I don’t even know which flat’s yours.’ She scanned the block of flats above them, shielding her eyes against the rain. ‘Which one is it?’

He shook his head. ‘You have to go.’

Her eyes travelled the length of the balconies, door after door. ‘Does Karyn know I’m here?’

‘Are you crazy?’

Ellie looked sad then, and confused. ‘Please don’t send me away. You’re the one who came running after me in the beginning, remember?’

That was true, and he felt a bit rubbish then. To make up for it, he pointed out the flat. He wanted her to know he didn’t hate her. It wasn’t about that.

‘Blue door,’ he said, ‘with the Christmas tree outside.’

It was a dead stump of a tree, no needles, but still decorated, still covered in tinsel. It was nearly May and they’d only managed to drag it as far as the balcony. He felt foolish, like he was pointing out their chaos.

‘My little sister likes it,’ he said. ‘She thinks it’ll grow back. I’ll swap it for a new one in December and hope she doesn’t notice.’

Ellie looked at him, a strange, deep look. ‘That’s kind.’

He hadn’t thought of it as being kind. It’s just what you did if you wanted Holly to be happy – you pretended there was magic in the world.

‘Listen,’ he said. ‘You have to go. Serious, I’ve got work in half an hour and Jacko’s picking me up. My life won’t be worth living if he sees you here.’

He led her round the corner, by the lift, where it was sheltered from the rain. She grabbed her hair with one hand and twisted it, wringing it out. He peeled off his jacket and offered it to her.

‘Here,’ he said. ‘Take this, or you’ll get pneumonia on the way home.’

She put it on without a word and did up the zip. She shoved her hands deep into the pockets. He hoped there weren’t any scaggy tissues in there, or packets of condoms, girls’ phone numbers…

‘You’re the nicest person I ever met,’ she said.

She must know some total shits if she was impressed by a coat.

‘Whatever,’ he said. ‘I’m going now.’

She put a hand on his arm. ‘I have to tell you something.’

‘I don’t want to know.’

‘Please,’ she begged. ‘You’re the only person I can tell.’

She looked like she was tempting a bird to feed from her hand, seeing how close she could get to him. It was weird being chased.

‘Two minutes,’ he said.

They sat on the wall together, the lift doors in front of them. It stank of piss, but this was the best they had for now.

‘So,’ he said, ‘did you get in another argument with someone?’

‘Not really.’

‘Was it your brother?’

She shook her head, looked down at her shoes.

‘To be honest, if it is about your brother, I don’t even care. Anything could be true and it wouldn’t surprise me. Maybe Karyn’s lying.’

‘She’s not.’ She turned to him slowly. Fear dipped in and out of her eyes. ‘I wanted to believe Tom was innocent. For weeks I wanted it. But I think he did it and I’m not going to be his witness.’

‘So?’

She frowned at him, puzzled. ‘That’s massive! I’m supposed to stand up in court and say I didn’t see or hear anything. I’m supposed to say my brother is lovely and couldn’t possibly have hurt your sister. And now I’m not going to.’

It wasn’t like she had video footage or anything. Plenty of other people would stand up in court and defend her brother, even if she didn’t.

‘It won’t make any difference, Ellie.’

She let out a little sob, which shocked him. He’d thought girls like her didn’t cry. Weren’t brains supposed to be in charge of feelings?

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Hey, are you OK?’

He put an arm round her and she leaned against him for a minute. She was embarrassed, tried to hide her face from him, kept wiping below her eyes to check her mascara hadn’t run.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to diss you.’

She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed. ‘Why are you being nice to me now?’

‘I like you.’

She started to laugh. He did too. It was great, the sound of it.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You want to go somewhere? We could if you like.’

‘I thought you had work?’

‘Sod work. Let’s get out of here.’

She nodded. ‘Yes please.’

Absolute gold and unexpected.

‘Where shall we go?’

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Not near my house.’

‘OK.’

‘And not in town.’

He knew it was wrong, knew it was slipping back into something he’d given up. But here was Ellie, telling him her brother did it. Her family were going to hate her for this. She needed him.

He looked around for inspiration. They couldn’t go to the flat because of Karyn, and they couldn’t go to Ellie’s house because of her brother and they couldn’t go into town because of everyone else. And they had to decide pretty quick. Once the rain stopped, this place would liven up and someone would come out of those lift doors and see them for sure.

‘Can you get your friend’s car?’ she said.

He wished he could, but Jacko would be here to pick him up for work in a minute, and he didn’t fancy that run-in.

‘Maybe a bus,’ she said. ‘Where do they go from here?’

‘Through town, then out to the coast.’

She looked at him as if she was working something out. ‘Do they go near the bay?’

And now he knew what she was thinking. He stared at her, willing her not to change her mind, to be brave enough to go through with this.

‘Pretty close,’ he said. ‘We could walk the last bit.’

‘Because that’s where my gran’s cottage is.’

He tried not to look too happy. She’d told him about the cottage the day they’d gone swimming. It was near the beach and it was empty because her gran was in some nursing home. Perfect.

‘Have you got a key?’

She faltered for only a second. ‘There’s one hidden in the garden, in case of emergencies.’

Well, this was an emergency for sure. He couldn’t think of a better one. Two people locked out in the rain, who only wanted to be alone together.

She sat chewing her lip for a bit. ‘My dad’ll kill me if he finds out.’

‘You want to stay here then?’

They looked around the place together – at the rubbish piled up near the lift, at the wet steel doors, at the drips of rust-coloured rain splashing into puddles at their feet.

She stood up and held out her hand for him, like she had that time at the pub. ‘Come on.’

He half expected to hear a crowd suddenly burst out cheering.

He turned his mobile off so no one from work would bug him, and put his hood up. Ellie swung her hair in front of her face to hide from anyone walking by. They looked like a couple of criminals. It was funny. They were blazing with it, both of them jittery as they got on the bus. They sat at the back. It was quiet, too cold and wet for day trippers. Their knees touched. Mikey wondered what that meant, if Ellie even realized. He leaned in closer. She smelled of vanilla and rain.

They didn’t say anything. It was impossible for him to talk with her knee against his. He was having to use all his concentration to stop himself leaning in and kissing her. Did she know this? Did she know her leg knocking against his made his whole body throb?

The bus went down the high street, past the bakery and the shops, through the estate on the other side of town and into the country. Fields appeared, cows, a few straggly sheep. Rain slammed against the windows, hot air leaked at them from heaters under the seats. Their clothes steamed, which made them laugh again.

As the coast swung into view, she nudged him. ‘I saw a whale there once.’

‘You never did.’

‘I did. Me and my granddad used to climb over that cliff and sit on a ledge about halfway down. When the tide was in, it was amazing with all that water crashing against the rocks. We used to sit there for hours watching the boats go by. And one day we saw a whale.’

‘Well, I’ve never seen a whale and I’ve lived here for years and years.’

She laughed at him softly, her eyes shining. ‘Well, maybe you weren’t looking in the right place.’

It was true. He used to come here sometimes with Karyn and Holly when he was a kid, but they’d just go to the beach. They’d eat pasties and doughnuts and Mum would take her shoes off. On sunny days, the place would be crawling with families, hot and salty people flinging themselves after balls, bobbing about in the water with their armbands and rubber rings. But he’d never seen a whale. He felt sad about that. It seemed strange that two people could be in the very same place and see totally different things.

The bus followed the curve of the bay and then swept back inland and up the hill.

‘We’re close now,’ she said. ‘Shall we walk from here?’

They stood on the corner and watched the bus move away. It was quiet after it had gone. It smelled different from town, like everything was wilder. The rain was lighter now, but it wasn’t letting up. He was glad. She might say they had to go back if it stopped. They walked in the road. No pavement, no cars. There was something old-fashioned about it, as if they’d gone back in time.

‘Look,’ she said. ‘Lapwings.’

Two black and white birds hung poised above the sea. He thought they were gulls, but he liked it that she knew their proper names. They watched them gliding and pitching as they walked on. Even from the top of the cliff they could hear the faraway hush and roar of the waves.

‘Fancy a swim?’ she said.

He laughed, hoped she wasn’t serious. They’d get hypothermia down there today.

‘There’s a path that goes down,’ she said. ‘I used to stay here every school holiday with my grandparents and we’d swim every day.’

They stopped to look at the water for a bit. They stood under a tree, rain dripping around them. Out there, under the clouds, the sea was the colour of carbon. There was a strange light coming from the sky as well, like maybe a storm was coming.

‘Tell me about your grandparents,’ he said.

What she told him then sounded like something from a film – sunny days and picnics, games of rounders and cricket on the beach. She didn’t mention Tom’s name once and Mikey wondered if she was being careful, or if he never went on holiday. Maybe the grandparents were sensible enough to avoid him. They sounded nice enough.

‘When we moved here last year,’ she said, ‘I was looking forward to spending more time with them, but as soon as we got here, my granddad died.’ She gave him a sad smile. ‘Three heart attacks in a row. I didn’t even know you could have that many.’

He took her hand. She didn’t move it away, only looked down at their fingers laced together.

‘After that, my gran went crazy,’ she whispered. ‘She lived with us for a while. She used to sit in a chair at the top of the stairs all night. She said if she went to bed, she’d wake up with cobwebs on her face. It infuriated my dad, so he shoved her in a nursing home. Now my mum has to drive miles if she wants a cup of tea with her own mother.’

Mikey lifted Ellie’s hand to his lips and kissed it. He didn’t know why he did it, but it fitted in with the sadness and the sea and the rain. He knew he’d got it right, because she gave him that look again, like he was some kind of hero.

‘Come on,’ she said. ‘It isn’t far now.’