You Against Me

Thirty-six

Mikey knew something was wrong as soon as he walked into the lounge. Jacko was sitting in the armchair with a fag and a cup of tea, and Jacko was never there, not without Mikey. Karyn and Mum were huddled together on the sofa opposite, and all three of them looked up at Mikey as if the world had just ended and it was all his fault.

‘What?’ he said. ‘What did I do?’

Karyn did a fake laugh. ‘Like you don’t know.’

Mum said, ‘Let me handle this. I thought we agreed.’

Mikey clocked the wine glass on the table in front of her, the ashtray tipping with fag ends. He perched on the arm of Jacko’s chair and waited. Something big was happening – his mum never took charge when she’d been drinking.

She glared at him. ‘Why didn’t you go to work?’

‘Is that what this is about? Did I get sacked?’

‘I hope so,’ Karyn spat.

Mum put a hand on her arm. ‘Where have you been all day, Mikey?’

‘Different places. Out and about.’

‘Who with?’

‘Does it matter?’ He turned to Jacko. ‘What is this?’

Jacko shrugged, looked down at his feet.

‘Will someone tell me what’s going on?’

‘I’ll tell you,’ Karyn said. ‘You’ve got yourself a posh little girlfriend, that’s what. Jacko’s been filling us in.’

A pulse banged in Mikey’s head. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m talking about your latest shag – Ellie Parker.’

Like her name was a cheap thing and sleeping with her meant nothing. Like special things could be chucked out like that.

‘Shut up, Karyn.’

‘So it is true.’ She shot out of her seat and flung herself at him. ‘How could you? With her!’

She thumped him on the arm again and again. He had to grab her wrists to stop her, had to push her back to the sofa and shove her down.

His mother’s face darkened with fury. ‘Don’t you dare lay a finger on your sister, Mikey.’

‘Then tell her to shut up. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.’

‘You stupid boy!’ Mum waved her hands at him as if to say, We all know you’re guilty and I don’t want to hear any more about it.

Karyn started to wail. ‘How could he? He doesn’t care about me at all.’ Her whole face turned to tears right in front of their eyes.

Mum clutched her, whispered into her hair. ‘Karyn, love, you’re making me cry now. Let’s find out exactly what happened before we go getting so upset.’

Mikey kicked Jacko’s foot and made him look at him. For a second they were alone in a room with a couple of hysterical women and they both understood it was harsh and desperate.

‘See what you’ve done?’ Mikey said.

A look crossed Jacko’s face, like maybe he was sorry. ‘I didn’t have a choice.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘I wouldn’t’ve been the only one who saw you on that bus, Mikey. What if some random kid texted Karyn about it? Someone had to tell her properly.’

‘And that was you, was it?’ Mikey grabbed him by his jacket and hauled him out of the chair. ‘This is my flat, do you want to get out of my flat?’

‘Leave him alone,’ Mum yelled.

‘I don’t want him here!’ He jostled Jacko towards the door, heard a satisfying rip as the material of his jacket shredded under his fingers. ‘Get out. Go on, get out.’

‘I said leave him alone!’ Mum roared. She stood in the middle of the lounge, hands on hips. She was swaying slightly, but she sounded like she meant business. ‘Take your hands off Jacko, sit down and shut up, Mikey, because I swear if you wake Holly up and she gets brought into this, I will never forgive you.’

By the look on her face, she wasn’t going to forgive him anyway, but he sat down in Jacko’s empty chair. At least the bastard would have to stand up.

‘Jacko’s our guest,’ Mum said. ‘He’s been sitting here with us for two hours waiting for you.’

‘Three,’ Jacko said, ‘actually.’

‘Sorry,’ Mum said. ‘You’ve been good to us, Jacko. I can’t thank you enough.’

‘Yeah, what a great guy,’ Mikey said brightly. ‘Always there when you need him.’

‘That’s enough,’ Mum said. ‘At least he was thinking about Karyn in all this, which is more than I can say for you.’ She looked at him like he was a total let-down and she’d been expecting this moment all her life. ‘Couldn’t you have kept it in your pants for once?’

What was he supposed to say to that? Shame flooded his face and there was nowhere to look except down at his feet.

‘Jacko,’ Mum said, ‘any chance you could stick the kettle on and make Karyn some more tea?’

He nodded, went straight to the kitchen. What a suck-up. Mum poured herself another wine, emptied the bottle out and still only got half a glass. She frowned as if she couldn’t believe she’d finished the lot, then knocked it back in two great gulps.

‘Should you be doing that?’ Mikey said.

Karyn made a face like she wanted to hit him again. ‘You’re such a tosser.’

‘I’m only asking. Did you drink that whole bottle tonight, Mum?’

‘Actually,’ Mum said, ‘you don’t get to ask me questions. You’re the one in the hot seat, not me.’ She plonked her glass down. ‘Now tell me about this girl. I want to know exactly what you think you’re playing at.’

She folded her arms, waiting for an answer. Karyn leaned back on the sofa and looked at him too. Even Jacko stopped clattering tea things in the kitchen to listen. But there was nothing Mikey could say that would make them feel better. They’d want details, like when and where, and all he could think of was Ellie’s smile, her shyness, how many crazy things she knew, and the fact that she was so good at listening that when words came out of his mouth, they made sense. And the smell of her – he’d never met anyone who smelled so entirely of themselves, even her clothes just smelled clean, not of some crappy washing powder or perfume.

‘Come on,’ Mum said. ‘Get on with it.’

He shrugged. ‘I’ve got nothing to say.’

‘Well, I better fill everyone in then,’ Karyn said. ‘She’s an ugly nerd.’

Mikey shook his head. ‘You don’t know even know her.’

‘I know she’s a nerd.’

‘Oh for God’s sake!’ Mum said.

She passed her fags round, like that would calm them down. The tea came in. Mikey enjoyed the silence while it lasted.

Karyn was first to break it. ‘Nice tea, Jacko, thanks.’

Mikey thought he was going to throw up, didn’t even bother moving his feet when Jacko tried to find space to sit on the rug.

‘So,’ Mum said, ‘how long’s it been going on?’

‘Yeah,’ Karyn cut in, ‘when did she first get her claws into you?’

‘Don’t talk about her like that.’

‘I’ll talk about her however I want.’

‘She’s not like him, she’s different from the rest of her family.’

‘Oh, is that right? What’s so special about her then? She’s not even pretty.’

‘Shut up, will you?’

‘No. You always think you know best, but you’re wrong about this.’ Karyn was almost shrieking. ‘Ellie Parker’s just like her brother and they’re both liars.’

‘She’s not a liar.’

‘She was in the house when it happened!’

‘That doesn’t make her a liar.’

‘Listen to yourself, Mikey – whose side are you on?’

Fury boiled in him again. He stood up, fists curled. ‘She’s not even going to be a witness for her brother any more because she thinks he did it, so shut up about her, OK?’

There was a terrible silence. Nothing happened for ages. Then Karyn said very softly, ‘She told you that?’

He nodded, and for a minute she watched his face as if she was trying to work something out, then she said, ‘She’s known for weeks and weeks and she’s kept quiet all this time?’

Mikey took a last deep drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out. He needed something to get him out of this. Ellie hadn’t told him not to tell Karyn, but now he saw the effect it was having on her, he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Even his mum thought it was nuclear by the frown on her face. He needed a distraction, something that would change the whole vibe.

‘Listen,’ he said. ‘Why don’t I pop down the off-licence and get some more booze? I’ve got cash.’ He patted his pocket to prove it. ‘Do you fancy some more of that wine, Mum?’

It was a cheap trick and he knew it as soon as his mother scowled at him. She stood up suddenly. ‘I’m calling Gillian.’

‘What the hell for?’

‘Because if this girl says her brother did it, she needs to know.’

Mikey absolutely hadn’t thought of this possibility. If the cops got involved, Ellie would think he’d got the information out of her and passed it on on purpose. She’d never trust him again.

‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he said, his mind racing. ‘It’s Sunday. You’ll piss Gillian off if you call her now. I might have remembered it wrong anyway. I probably muddled it somehow. Let me talk to Ellie. Serious, let me talk to her first.’ He went to the door. ‘I’ll call her now and find out exactly what she meant.’

‘Don’t you dare,’ Karyn said. ‘She lied in her witness statement, which means she’s in big trouble. If you warn her, she’ll change her story again.’ She turned to Mum, her eyes glittering. ‘Go on, phone Gillian.’

‘No,’ Mikey said, ‘it’ll make everything worse.’

Karyn flashed him a look of total hatred. ‘It can’t get any worse.’

‘If her family freak out, it can. Let me call her and find out what’s going on.’

‘No.’ Karyn leaped up and caught his arm. ‘I want the police to go round her house and I hope it freaks them out and I hope they arrest her and she rots in jail with her brother.’ Her fingers dug in like she was never letting go. ‘You owe me.’

She went for it then. It was like all the rage of the last few weeks got chucked at him. Dry-eyed and fierce, she told him how he secretly blamed her for what had happened and she’d always known it, how selfish he’d been to fight Tom, how everything he did was about making himself feel better and never about her. He caved under it. He knew he should try and stay angry, but he couldn’t. It fell out of him and he stood there weak and useless and not knowing anything. Listening to her, it sounded like he’d got every single thing wrong.

‘Do you know what Gillian told me?’ she hissed. ‘She told me it’s not my fault. She said I should be able to wear a short skirt whenever I like. She said I should be able to go to a party in my bloody bikini if I want. I should be able to dance and drink and stay up late. I should even be allowed to snog the face off Tom Parker and it doesn’t mean he can do what he did.’ She squeezed Mikey’s arm harder, quivering with rage. ‘Any time I tried to talk to you about that night, you never listened. As long as you managed to punch him on the nose, the truth didn’t matter. But it’s all that matters to me, can’t you see?’

Mum shushed them then, because Holly was standing in the doorway, shivering in her pyjamas. ‘Why are you fighting?’

‘It’s nothing,’ Mum said. ‘They’re mucking about.’

‘I heard shouting.’

‘You were dreaming.’

Karyn let go of his arm and he stood there rubbing it as his mum put her phone back in her pocket and went over to Holly. She picked her up and held her, planting kisses on her hair. It was like some ancient memory of his mother, someone he hadn’t seen for years.

‘I’m here,’ Mum said. ‘Hush now, don’t cry.’

They all watched, him and Karyn breathing hard like they’d been running, both of them stuck there in the middle of the lounge.

‘Come on,’ Mum said. ‘Let’s get you back to bed, sweetheart.’

Holly looked surprised. ‘Are you taking me?’

‘Sure, why not?’

‘Can we watch TV in your room?’

‘No, you’ve got school tomorrow.’

‘Will you tell me a story?’

‘No, babe, it’s sleep time.’

Holly stuck her thumb in her mouth and snuggled in, hoping for a carry all the way up the stairs. Mikey could barely watch. It was usually him who took Holly upstairs when she woke up – he’d lie on the bed with her, listen to her chatter on about nothing and then watch as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

‘I’ll be back,’ Mum said. ‘Nobody go anywhere.’

The three of them were left in silence. Jacko got out his tobacco. Karyn sat down on the sofa. Mikey stood there rubbing his arm.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ he said.

Karyn scowled at him. ‘Don’t even try and tell me that you didn’t think I’d mind.’

‘That’s not what I’m saying.’

‘What are you saying then?’

‘That I didn’t mean to like her, it just happened. She’s a very nice person. You’d probably like her if you got to know her.’

‘Ah, Mikey.’ Jacko shook his head.

‘What?’

‘You never know when to stop, do you?’

Jacko strapped a rollie together. Karyn offered to make him a fresh tea to go with it. Mikey took the chance to go to the bathroom. He’d lock himself in and wait for things to get better. He didn’t want to be alone with those two when they were being so weird.

He had a piss, then sat on the toilet seat to think. How had this happened? Earlier, when he’d dropped Ellie off, he’d thought nothing could mess with his high. And now it was ruined.

He phoned her from the bathroom, but her phone was off, so he left a message. Call me, he said. It’s really important.

His mum was there when he came out, leaning against the bedroom door, waiting for him.

She said, ‘Holly’s asleep. Are you coming back down?’

‘I’m going to bed.’

‘Shouldn’t we sort this out?’

She was less certain, the wine finally slowing her down. With a nudge from him, she’d go to bed and forget all about it.

He said, ‘Let’s leave it till tomorrow, eh?’

‘What about Gillian?’

‘You can’t phone her now, it’s late.’

She sighed, pulled out her cigarettes and offered him one. He opened the landing window and they stood there looking down at the courtyard, blowing smoke out into the dark. It had started raining again and it smelled fresh and cold out there. A baby was crying, a dog was sniffing about on the grass. A bloke, hands in pockets, whistled for it and together they went through the doors of the opposite block.

In a minute he’d try Ellie again, and if her phone was still off, he’d leave another message asking to meet tomorrow. Then, in the morning, all the normal routines would kick in – he’d get up, take Holly to school and go to work. Mum would sleep off the booze, Karyn would stop being mad at him, and when he explained to Ellie what had happened, she’d agree to come round to the flat and meet them. They’d like her. They’d drink tea together and decide what to do next.

His mum was yawning now, leaning against the window looking exhausted. She smiled wearily at him. ‘I think someone finally stole your heart, didn’t they, Mikey?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Go to bed, Mum.’

‘I always said you weren’t as tough as you made out.’

‘Serious, go to bed.’

She leaned in and kissed him goodnight. ‘It’ll all be clear in the morning, won’t it?’

‘It’ll be fine.’

‘I’ve got a daughter down there who needs me, and I want to do the right thing for once.’

‘Sleep on it. We’ll talk tomorrow.’

She nodded, walked away across the landing. At her bedroom door she turned and looked at him very seriously. ‘I want to be a good mum.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’

She laughed. ‘I do though, that’s the trouble.’