The Sandman

43

Mikael’s breathing has speeded up, and he’s tossing his head, whispering something. He opens his eyes and stares at Joona with a haunted expression.

‘You’ve got to help me, I can’t lie here,’ he says. ‘I can’t bear it, I can’t bear it, my sister’s waiting for me, I can feel her the whole time, I can feel...’

Reidar hurries over and takes his hand, holds it to his cheek.

‘Mikael, I know,’ he whispers, then gulps hard.

‘Dad...’

‘I know, Mikael, I think about her all the time...’

‘Dad,’ Mikael cries with an anguished voice. ‘I can’t bear it, I can’t, I...’

‘Calm down,’ Reidar reassures him.

‘She’s alive, Felicia’s alive,’ he cries. ‘I can’t lie here, I’ve got to...’

He lets out a long, rattling cough. Reidar holds his head up and tries to help him. He keeps saying soothing things to his son, but Mikael’s eyes are burning with boundless panic.

He sinks back onto the pillow, gasping and whispering inaudibly to himself as tears run down his cheeks.

‘What were you saying about Felicia?’ Reidar asks calmly.

‘I don’t want to,’ Mikael gasps. ‘I can’t just lie here...’

‘Mikael,’ Reidar interrupts. ‘You need to be clearer.’

‘I can’t bear it...’

‘You said that Felicia is alive,’ Reidar repeats. ‘Why did you say that?’

‘I left her, I left her behind,’ Mikael sobs. ‘I ran, and I left her behind.’

‘Are you saying that Felicia is still alive?’ Reidar asks, for the third time.

‘Yes, Dad,’ Mikael whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks.

‘Dear God in heaven,’ his father whispers, stroking his son’s head with a trembling hand. ‘Dear God in heaven.’

Mikael coughs violently, a cloud of blood billows into the tube and he gasps for air, then coughs again and lies there panting.

‘We were together the whole time, Dad. In the darkness, on the floor... but I left her.’

Mikael falls silent, as though every last drop of strength has been exhausted. His eyes suddenly seem clouded and tired.

Reidar looks at his son with a face that has lost all trace of stability and abandoned any attempt at a façade.

‘You have to tell us...’

His voice cracks, he takes a deep breath and then goes on:

‘Mikael, you know you have to tell us where she is so I can go and get her...’

‘She’s still there... Felicia’s still there,’ Mikael says weakly. ‘She’s still there. I can feel her, she’s scared...’

‘Mikael,’ Reidar pleads.

‘She’s scared, because she’s on her own... She can’t bear it, she always wakes up at night crying until she realises I’m there...’

Reidar feels his chest tighten. Big patches of sweat have formed under the arms of his shirt.