The Little Book of Stoicism

Practice 18

Win at What Matters

“You are winning affection in a job in which it is hard to avoid ill-will; but believe me it is better to understand the balance-sheet of one’s own life than of the corn trade.” – Seneca

His father-in-law lost his position as person in charge of Rome’s granary when Seneca sent him this reminder that it’s not too bad.

Who cares? Says Seneca, now he can spend time with what’s truly important, “The love and practice of the virtues, forgetfulness of the passions, the knowledge of how to live and die, and a life of deep tranquility.”

It’s more important to understand the balance-sheet of one’s own life than that of the corn market, stock market, or our office.

But what do we do? We invest our working time in getting better at topics necessary for our (future) jobs, and our leisure time in mindless activities to numb ourselves.

We become experts at fantasy series, video games, sports, celebrity news, and effortless jobs—unaware that none of these things will teach us anything about how to listen to our friends, how to become self-disciplined, and what to do with anger or grief.

We confuse getting better at stuff with learning how to live, and how to be a good person.

“At the end of your time on this planet,” Ryan Holiday asks you, “what expertise is going to be more valuable—your understanding of matters of living and dying, or your knowledge of the ’87 Bears? Which will help your children more—your insight into happiness and meaning, or that you followed breaking political news every day for thirty years?”

Wow, right? It’s clear what’s more valuable. So let’s actually use this understanding and set the right priorities and make sure we invest in what truly matters.

There’s nothing harder to learn than how to live, says Seneca. It’s about time to get started. Forget about acing tests, climbing the career ladder, and learning everything about cryptocurrency—what’s the point of winning at those things but losing in the game of being a good mother, sister, and friend?

Look, there’s definitely time and space for those things, but not at the cost of improving as a person. That’s what we’ve just decided to be more valuable.

Don’t envy the colleagues who shine bright at the office, as their success comes at the cost of life. The father who puts in eighty hours a week might be a hero at work, but he probably neglects his wife, son, and health.

Successful is a broad term. This father might have been employee of the last three months, but in this time he never listened to his wife, never saw his son’s soccer games, and he was cranky due to his sleep deprivation.

Again, what’s the point of winning at a career but losing at the effort to be a good husband and father?

Let’s get better at what matters. Let’s learn how to deal with depressive thoughts, how to be a good listener, how to stay calm in the face of adversity, and how to be a good spouse, parent, and friend.

That’s our inward transformation nobody knows about. And it’s much more important than the superficial outward transformation. Who you truly are inwardly is way more important than who people believe you to be.

Your most valuable asset is your character.

It will help you win at what matters.