The Little Book of Stoicism

Practice 43

Pity Rather than Blame the Wrongdoer

“As we pity the blind and the lame, so should we pity those who are blinded and lamed in their most sovereign faculties. The man who remembers this, I say, will be angry with no one, indignant with no one, revile none, blame none, hate none, offend none.” – Epictetus

The people who do wrong? Pity rather than blame them.

They don’t do it on purpose. They are blinded and lamed in their most sovereign faculty: their mind, and thus in their ability to think straight and use reason.

These poor people! Even if what they do hurts you, know that they’re blinded and don’t see what they’re doing. If you’re able to recognize this injury, you’ll be angry with none, revile none, blame none, and offend none.

That’s what the Stoics ask of us: To be our best even if we get slapped in the face. And knowing that the wrongdoer is lamed in his most important faculty is an immense help.

You wouldn’t judge an injured teammate when he’s unable to catch a ball. In the exact same way the injured player shouldn’t judge the person who tells him off. Because the offender is injured too, just not in his body but in his mind. Even if we can’t see it from the outside.

The person is penalized enough for being blinded in his most important ability.

However, if you find it difficult to recognize this injury in people who hurt you, simply know this: “The person who does wrong, does wrong to themselves. The unjust person is unjust to themselves—making themselves evil.”

Marcus Aurelius is making the point that ultimately people hurt themselves when they go wrong. Maybe they will feel guilt or shame after acting unjustly, and maybe they won’t feel anything. It doesn’t matter.

But you know by now that virtue is the highest good. If you do what’s right, you’ll live a happy life. And the same is true for the people who act wrong. They won’t lead happy lives.

What goes around comes around.

Whenever someone wrongs you, you have several options. Maybe you judge what happened as bad and get hurt by it. Maybe you judge the wrongdoer as evil and get angry at him. Maybe you see the situation as neutral and make the best of it. And maybe you recognize that the wrongdoer is blinded in his ability to use reason, and you choose to pity rather than blame him.

It’s in your power to be kind to people. It’s in your power to stay true to your path and respond to evildoers with compassion, forgiveness, and kindness.

Because even if what they say or do hurts you, you know they’re lamed in their most important faculty and will ultimately hurt themselves.