The Little Book of Stoicism

Practice 25

Beat Fear with Preparation and Reason

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” – Seneca

What we fear will often not happen in reality. But our imaginary fear has real consequences. We’re held back by our fears, we’re paralyzed by what isn’t real.

The Stoics know about the danger of fear. The actual damage of what we fear pales in comparison to the damage done by ourselves as we’re blindly trying to prevent what we fear.

The primary cause of fear, says Seneca, is that “instead of adapting ourselves to present circumstances we send out thoughts too far ahead.” It’s a projection to the future about something we don’t control that causes a dangerous amount of worry.

We want something that’s not under our control, as Epictetus explains wonderfully: “When I see a man in a state of anxiety, I say, ‘What can this man want?’ If he did not want something which is not in his power, how could he still be anxious? It is for this reason that one who sings to the lyre is not anxious when he is performing by himself, but when he enters the theatre, even if he has a very good voice and plays well: for he not only wants to perform well, but also to win a great name, and that is beyond his own control.”

We fear because we want what’s outside our power, or we’re too attached to something that’s not in our power to keep. We’re attached to people we love and fear losing them. We’re attached to the security of a regular salary. And we desire what’s not in our power to receive.

We must stop attaching ourselves to external things and desires which are not under our control. Because a lack of control leads to fear.

He who does not desire anything outside his control cannot be anxious.

“The man who has anticipated the coming of troubles takes away their power when they arrive,” says Seneca. That’s why it’s so important to prepare for challenging situations to arise.

Anticipating calamities is not about ruining the present moment, but optimizing it. We’ll be less afraid of things which might never happen. The Stoics think the best path to freedom is by imagining what we fear as it’s going to happen and examining it in our mind—until we can view it with detachment.

The common way to deal with fear is to hide from it and trying to think of something else. But this is probably the worst technique of all. Fear grows by not being looked at.

The proper way to deal with what we fear is thinking about it rationally, calmly, and often—until it becomes familiar. You’ll get bored with what you once feared, and your worries will disappear. By confronting your fears, whether in imagination or in reality, you reduce the stress caused by those fears.

Marcus has another way of dealing with fear: “Clear your mind and get a hold on yourself and, as when awakened from sleep and realizing it was only a bad dream upsetting you, wake up and see that what’s there is just like those dreams.”

What you fear is often a product of your imagination, not reality. You’re afraid of something not because the reality of it is bad, but because you think reality would be bad. Most people who are afraid of spiders have never even been touched by one. What do they fear?

We fear in imagination. It’s like a dream. Instead of going along mindlessly, we must stop and ask rationally: “Does this make any sense?”

We’re creating nightmares for ourselves. That’s why we must wake up and stop this madness. We get upset at dreams. What causes the fear isn’t real, but the consequences are very much real and get in our way. We’re the ones holding us back.

Look, you can’t cure all your fears all at once. But if we manage to get less attached to things, realize that what we fear is in our imagination, and if we face our fears even in imagination only, then we can overcome most of our fears. Step by step.