The Little Book of Stoicism

Practice 40

Nobody Errs on Purpose

“When a man assents, then, to what is false, know that he had no wish to assent to the false: 'for no soul is robbed of the truth with its own consent,' as Plato says, but the false seemed to him true.” – Epictetus

People do what seems right to them. If they do wrong, it’s because that’s what seems true to them.

Therefore, we should not blame people, even if they treat us rudely and unfairly. They don’t do those things on purpose. As Socrates said: “Nobody does wrong willingly.”

Jesus said something very similar after he was forced to bear his own cross, and got beaten, flogged, and insulted. Despite the unpleasantness of the situation, Jesus looked up to the sky and said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

The Stoics believe people act as they think is the best way for them to act. If people lie, it’s because they think this will benefit them. If people steal, they think it’s the best thing to do. If people are mean, they somehow have the impression that’s how they get the most out of the situation.

They lack certain wisdom. They don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. And even if they know what they’re doing might be wrong, they’re still mistaken and think it’ll be to their advantage.

The point is, they don’t do wrong on purpose. They just don’t understand any better.

We must be patient with these people. “Some people are sharp and others dull,” Musonius reminds us, and goes on: “Some are raised in a better environment, others in worse, the latter, having inferior habits and nurture, will require more by way of proof and careful instruction to master these teachings and to be formed by them—in the same way that bodies in a bad state must be given great deal of care when perfect health is ought.”

Let’s not forget that we’re privileged. Not everybody had the same upbringing as we had. Not all have them same genes, education, and early exposure. These things highly influence a person, and it’s not something we can control.

Just like a body in bad shape needs more time to heal than one in good shape, a person who lacks a lot of wisdom needs longer to catch up and understand than a person who had the wisest parents and best schooling.

It makes no sense to be angry with these people. It’s not their fault. A much better way to deal with them is to lead by example. Instead of reacting angrily, react in a kind and understanding way. Instead of judging them, try to help and support them.

Whenever you come across a situation with people who seem to act wrongly, it’s an opportunity for growth. Because you can practice the virtues of self-control, forgiveness, kindness, and patience.

Marcus says it’s important to keep this in mind: “As Plato said, every soul is deprived of truth against its will. The same holds true for justice, self-control, goodwill to others, and every similar virtue. It’s essential to constantly keep this in your mind, for it will make you more gentle to all.”