Where'd You Go, Bernadette

From Ms. Goodyear, hand-delivered to the Westin

Audrey and Warren,

A disturbing allegation has been presented to me regarding Kyle. A parent came to me a month ago with an accusation that Kyle had been selling drugs to students in the hallways. I refused to believe it, for your sake as much as Kyle’s.

Yesterday, however, another parent found twenty pills in her child’s backpack. These pills have been identified as OxyContin. Under questioning, the student pointed to Kyle as the source. The student has been allowed to continue classes for the next week, with the understanding he/she will receive treatment over winter break. I need to speak to you and Warren immediately.

Kindly,

Gwen Goodyear

From: Audrey Griffin

To: Gwen Goodyear

You’re going to have to do better than that if you wish to implicate Kyle in a Galer Street drug ring. Warren is curious about how a legal prescription for Vicodin written to me, which I asked Kyle to carry because I was on crutches due to an injury sustained on your campus—something I never considered holding Galer Street liable for, even though the statute of limitations gives me plenty of time to change my mind — has anything to do with twenty OxyContin? Was my name on those pills too?

Speaking of Warren, he’s looking into the legality of letting a student who’s a known drug abuser finish out the semester. Isn’t that a threat to the other students? I’m asking out of curiosity.

If you’re so hell-bent on placing blame, I suggest you look in the mirror.

From: Audrey Griffin

To: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal

Excuse me for not responding sooner. But it has taken me an hour to pull my jaw off the floor. I’m spending Christmas in a hotel and you’re lauding my tormentor? Last time I checked my calendar, it was the middle of December, not April first.

From: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal

To: Audrey Griffin

Let me clarify. Elgin Branch walking down the aisle of the Microsoft Connector is like Diana Ross walking through her adoring audience, that time we saw her in Las Vegas. People literally reach out and touch him. I’m not sure Elgie knows any of them, but he’s led so many gigantic meetings, and been on so many teams, that his face is familiar to hundreds, if not thousands, of MS employees. Last year when he won Outstanding Technical Leadership, which is awarded to the ten greatest visionaries in a company of 100,000, they hung a huge banner of his face from Building 33. He raised more money than anyone to be dunked in the dunk tank for the company-wide giving campaign. Not to mention his TEDTalk, which is number four on the list of all-time most-watched TEDTalks. No wonder he wears sound-canceling headphones. Otherwise, people would be climbing over one another to get some face time with him. Frankly, it stuns me that he takes the Connector to work at all.

My point is, it would have been wholly unprofessional for us to launch into Bernadette’s transgressions with everyone straining to listen in.

From: Audrey Griffin

To: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal

I don’t give a fig about Ted. I don’t know who he is and I don’t care what he says during this talk you refuse to shut up about.

From: Soo-Lin Lee-Segal

To: Audrey Griffin

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design. The TED conference is an exclusive meeting of the most brilliant minds in the world. It’s held once a year, in Long Beach, and it’s an enormous privilege to be chosen to give a talk. Here’s a link to Elgie’s TEDTalk.

Dad’s TEDTalk was a really big deal. All the kids at school knew about it. Ms. Goodyear had Dad come to give the whole school a live demonstration. It’s hard to believe Audrey Griffin had never heard of it.