Where'd You Go, Bernadette

Fax from Soo-Lin

Dear Audrey,

I hope this finds you well in Arizona. (Utah? New Mexico? All Warren said is you’re in the desert at a motel without cell reception or email, darn you!)

I’m not sure how much news of the past month has reached you, so I’ll start from the beginning.

As you suspected, long before even I did, Elgie and I were developing a strong bond on Samantha 2. It started, for my part, as an admiration for his genius, then blossomed into much more as he confided in me about his abusive marriage.

The eighth graders are reading Shakespeare, and one of Lincoln’s assignments is to memorize a soliloquy. (Tell that to Kyle. He’ll be thrilled he’s no longer at Galer Street!) Lincoln was given a speech from Othello, where the Moor defends the improbable love he and Desdemona share. It’s me and Elgie in a nutshell.

She loved me for the dangers I had passed

And I loved her that she did pity them.

Shakespeare always puts it best, doesn’t he?

You know that Bernadette disappeared from a drug intervention at her house. Everyone’s first concern was that the Russian Mafia had gotten in and kidnapped her. However, we soon learned the Russians had been apprehended switching planes in Dubrovnik. That made the FBI and the police vanish almost as quickly as Bernadette!

Elgie and Bee did not go to Antarctica after all. Elgie had to be treated for a corneal abrasion, and he received stitches on his eyelid. After seventy-two hours, he filed a missing-persons report. To this day, there’s still no news of Bernadette.

If you ask me, she was swallowed up by the ghosts of the Straight Gate girls. Did you know Straight Gate wasn’t just a “school for wayward girls”? It was a place to lock up pregnant girls, and illegal abortions were performed in the basement. And this was where Bernadette chose to raise a baby daughter?

I digress.

Elgie had made contingency plans to send Bee to boarding school in January. Once Bernadette disappeared, he assumed she wouldn’t want to go. But Bee insisted.

I asked Elgie to move in, but he still prefers a hotel, which I respect. Lucky me, I have that big dopey dog of theirs, who runs around day and night whimpering for Bernadette, dripping water on everything.

Elgie suggested I look for a bigger house on Queen Anne, which he would pay for. Then Lincoln got accepted to Lakeside. (Oh, did I tell you? We got accepted to Lakeside!) Since Lakeside was going to be the center of our lives for the next four years, I thought, What’s keeping us on Queen Anne anyway? Why not Madison Park? It’s closer to Lakeside. It’s closer to Microsoft. Elgie said fine, as long as the house requires no construction.

I found the most beautiful home, right across from Lake Washington, a charming Craftsman, the one that used to belong to Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Lincoln’s stock has zoomed up at school, that’s for sure!

I quit Microsoft, and thank God. There’s about to be another huge reorg. Yes, so soon! Of course, Samantha 2 is protected, but still, Microsoft is not a fun place to be right now. Productivity grinds to a halt with all the rumors.

Upon rereading this letter, I fear it’s in terribly bad taste, considering where you are. Where is that, anyway?! How is Kyle? I hope you can be happy for me.

Love,

Soo-Lin