Where'd You Go, Bernadette

SUNDAY, JANUARY 16

From: Soo-Lin

To: Audrey Griffin

Audrey! I’m in the middle of the most horrific nightmare!! I should write to a fellow VAVite. I can’t pecause my labtob with all my addresses is dead, and yours is the only email address I know by heart. I’m in an Internet café in South America, and this keypoard is so dirty and sticky and HORRIPLE and the P makes a B and the B makes a P and the comma sticks and you have to immediately hit packsbace or else the whole email will pe commas! I’d fix the p’s and b’s put they’re charging me py the minute and they don’t take credit cards and I had only 20 besos. I’m on a timer and this HUNK OF JUNK combuter shuts off in 2 minutes. I don’t want Elgie to know I snuck out so I’m going to tell you as much as I can pefore my money runs out.

They found her!!! They found Pernadette!!!! Yesterday a charge for $1300 from the Antarctic cruise combany showed ub on Elgie’s Visa card. Elgie called the travel agent, who confirmed it. Pernadette went to Antarctica without them!!! Her credit card was on file,, and pecause the trip was ending, her card was charged for the incidentals, so Elgie was alerted. The travel agent said the shib was at that very moment heading into the Drake Bassage, returning from Antarctica, and it would land in Ushuaia, Argentina, in 24 hours! Elgie called me and I got us two tickets to go down.

Audrey,, I’m bregnant!!!! Yes, I’m carrying Elgie’s child. I wasn’t going to tell you or anyone pecause I’m 40 and it’s a geriatric bregnancy. Elgie knows of course and that’s really why I quit my job, so I wouldn’t have any added stress and that’s also why Elgie is puying a house, not for me and him to live habbily ever after, HA HA HA, like I wish, put for his new papy!!! Now that Pernadette is pack in the bicture, what will habben to me? I should have never quit MS! I’m a fool! I was living in a fantasy pupple, stubidly pelieving Elgie and me and the kids would live habbily ever after. What will I do for money? Pernadette hates me. You should have heard the mean things she said to me. I’m terrified of her. She’s a witch. I’m in a state of total banic. Elgie doesn’t want me here. He almost died when he found out I was coming to Ushuaia,, too. He didn’t realize I was getting myself a ticket. What was he going to do, turn down the woman who is carrying his papy? Ha ha, no. I’m in Ushuaia, that’s where I am now, writing on this HORRIPLE KEYPOARD!!!!!! I must must must pe right there standing by Elgie’s side when Pernadette gets off that shib tomorrow. If HE doesn’t tell her I’m bregnant, you petter pelieve I will and