The People’s Republic of Desire

19 Acting Your Age

As I'm getting impatient with Colorful Clouds and her bragging, my boss Sean suggests that I tie her story into a feature about the moral decline and opportunism in China resulting from the rapid growth of the economy and the slow progress of democracy.

So I have to hang out with Colorful Clouds again.

"Rich and nice-looking, I can have a good time in China." Colorful Clouds starts our day by telling me this as I pick her up from her hotel. Knowing that she's my subject, she demands that I show her around and pay for everything. This time, she says, "Take me to the Red Moon. I've heard this place is famous for its good-looking waiters and male patrons."

This kind of place sounds not too bad to me. So I agree to drive her there and spend a few minutes sitting with her.

As soon as we sit down at the Red Moon, a tall, athletic young man gets Colorful Clouds' attention. She winks at the man. The man smiles back. She feels flattered. So she becomes bolder. She wiggles her finger to invite the man to come over to join us. As the man walks in our direction, she whispers, "Niuniu, I am who I am. Although I'm a mother of three children, this man cannot resist the temptation to meet me. Don't I look young!"

I have noticed that Colorful Clouds never wears her wedding ring in China.

"You'd better be careful." I warn her about the existence of xiao yazi, male prostitutes, before she takes off.

On the way home, I receive a phone call from Colorful Clouds, proudly saying that the man is not a little duck, but a college student who is intrigued by her elegance. She is going to take him out for dinner.

Half an hour later, I join my usual friends Lulu and Beibei at a teahouse. My phone rings again.

"Guess what? I can't believe Beijing people are still as rude as they were when I left here many years ago." It is Colorful Clouds on the line.

"What happened?"

"The waiter came and asked, 'Are you and your son ready to order?' How dare he?" She' s angry. "I do not look that old. I use Estée Lauder every day."

I tease Colorful Clouds. "Perhaps the waiter is jealous of your friend?"

"Perhaps!" says Colorful Clouds cheerfully.

After I hang up, my friends Beibei and Lulu ask me, "Who was that?"

"Colorful Clouds," I admit.

"The woman who thinks she's a double for Gong Li, but is really only double her size?" asks Beibei.

"The peasant woman who thinks she can become a member of the aristocracy by marrying her American grandson?" asks Lulu.

They both dislike Colorful Clouds.

I don't know what to say. I don't see Colorful Clouds as a friend, but she always contacts me. I don't want to offend her, a run-around full-time gossiper, because of possible reprisals.

Around midnight, I'm awakened by Colorful Clouds' phone call.

"Niuniu, help me! I've been robbed!"

"Where are you?" I can't help but feel a little sorry for her.

"I'm in a hotel room. I took the young man here after dinner. We were going to do it, so I said I'd take a shower first. But when I walked out of the shower, he was gone! My purse and money were all gone! Please come and get me!"

I sigh, thinking to myself, "This is what I get for always saying yes to people like Colorful Clouds."

"Bring some clothes on your way. He even stole my clothes!" says Colorful Clouds.

"He probably thinks they'd fit his mother well!" I say to myself as I head out the door, cursing Colorful Clouds' massive reluctance to harness her pumped-up ego and act her age.