The People’s Republic of Desire

65 Sun-Tzu on the Art of Love

When her mother lives with her, the most awkward moment for Lulu is not that her mother throws her small sexy underwear away. Nor is it when her mother finds her adult video collection and black condoms.

"It's the moment when Chang calls from the United States and my mother picks up the phone," she tells me when we meet for a late cup of tea.

Chang is Lulu's childhood friend. At that time, Lulu was the best student in sports and academics. Moreover, she was able to speak perfect Mandarin, which was considered a symbol of status. Thus, she was deemed a princess. Chang was her quiet admirer.

By the time Lulu was admitted to the best university in Beijing, Chang had failed his college entrance examination. But he studied hard, joining Lulu in Beijing being his only motivation.

A year later, he got into the English program in the same university Lulu attended.

Since both were in Beijing, Chang thought it would be a good chance to develop their relationship. Lulu had never thought of him in a romantic way. After all, she had defeated him in virtually every arena, including height. Chang was too shy to proclaim his love and Lulu pretended that she didn't know he was enamored of her, so the two acted like normal friends.

After graduation, Lulu worked for Women ' s Friends in Beijing and Chang was hired by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs as an interpreter.

Six years pass.

Chang has become a promising diplomat working in the Chinese embassy in Washington, D.C. He was afraid of being a lonely celibate in the States, so before leaving for Washington, he selected a woman from among the many Chinese girls who dreamed of being the wife of a foreign diplomat. His wife is a traditional Chinese woman, thin, shy, quiet, worshipful of her man.

When Chang calls Lulu from overseas, there is much to catch up on. I imagine he wants to tell her about the beautiful cherry blossoms in Washington, the different ethnic foods along Embassy Row, the art galleries and museums and the charming Georgetown area… but Lulu isn't home. Instead, her mother answers the phone. She has seen Chang grow up. Hearing his voice from the other side of the earth, she almost burst into tears.

"Chang, I knew that you were such a good boy from the very beginning. I knew that you'd be so excellent some day. I always dreamed that you and Lulu would become a pair when you were young. But I didn't want to interfere because I thought kids should make their own choices. Before Lulu's father died, his biggest hope was to have Lulu bring him back a nice boy. Such a simple wish still hasn't come true yet. Chang, my good boy, tell me, what's wrong with our Lulu? Is it that she is not beautiful enoug h? Is she too independent? Is she too old?" Lulu's mother is really laying it on thick.

As her mother is talking, Lulu returns and overhears everything. She doesn't know what Chang's answers are on the other line. But it's clear that all those cold shoulders she gave Chang when they were young are now being returned. Chang finally has his revenge.

She feels a deep sense of defeat. All her previous victories over him, from grades to love, have just become history, with no current value. Henry Kissinger once said that the ultimate aphrodisiac is power. Between them, two friends and two rivals, she is the failure – and she has been betrayed by her own mother. It's a power game, reversed.

By the time she enters the room, her mother has just hung up. Lulu suppresses her rage, but her voice still trembles.

"Mother, even though I'm the lowest of the low, I thought that I still had my pride. But just now, my last shred of pride and privacy has been taken away!"

She later tells me, "Game, set, match, I just lost to Chang 40-Love."

Her mother tries to reassure her. "Totally submitting without pride is a winning strategy in Sun Tzu's Art of War."

Lulu is confused, not sure what an ancient general has to do with twenty-first-century love in Beijing. "What do you mean?"

Her mother smiles like a flower. "Lulu, I just used fake weeping to test him. He still has feelings for you. Can you win him back? I want to be the mother-in-law of a diplomat and see cherry blossoms in Washington, D.C.!"

As I listen to the stories of her mother, I think, Lulu's mother isn't as conservative as she thinks after all.