The People’s Republic of Desire

79 The Ups and Downs of Female Friendship

People say that making friends becomes more difficult as we grow older. Friendship between women is tricky. Women can be compassionate, sympathetic, and giving, but at the same time, we can be catty, jealous, and moody. At a certain point in our lives, we all crave friendship to some degree. When it comes to friends, there have never been too many.

Beibei, CC, Lulu, and I are four girlfriends who have been confidantes for some time. We talk, listen, and help one another. One reason that we get along so well, according to Beibei, is that we come from similar family, financial, and educational backgrounds.

But lately, I have a burning desire to make friends outside of my own clique – even among people who are opposite to me. I don't know why. Perhaps friendship also has a seven-year-itch cycle.

Twenty-something May May, one of my interviewees who works as a secretary at a foreign enterprise, wants to be my friend.

We start to hang out.

May May likes to talk about herself. Being a journalist, I enjoy being a good listener. May May thinks she is fashionable and likes to criticize me from time to time.

"Your clothes make you look fat," she comments out of nowhere.

"Your hair is wrong. Short hair doesn't go well with your facial structure."

At first, I take it as constructive criticism. After all, I'm tired of the superficial, meaningless compliments of Americans. But I soon find out that every time May May scolds me, she adds, "You should look like me." The latter part annoys me sometimes.

Nevertheless, I want to test my limit. Although I don't think of May May as gorgeous, I never object when May May becomes self-indulgent. But there was one time that I felt very awkward. As we are having dinner, she tells me, "Niuniu, can we switch seats? That weird guy has been staring at me since we walked in. I don't know why this type of thing always happens to me."

I agree. As I sit in May May's seat, I notice a man who is looking this way. But it is so obvious that he is looking at the clock on the wall. No doubt, May May is a narcissist. But, I think, who is not? Every young woman is a bit like that. If I want to make friends with her, I should look at her positive side.

But apparently, May May is not only narcissistic but also competitive. If I wear a Bebe T-shirt to dinner, next time May May wears the same T-shirt in a different color. If I carry a new cell phone, May May will make sure to bring a newer model next time. Once I take May May to the Rose Garden, where she has never been before. A few weeks later, she brings me back to the Rose Garden. "You should thank me for taking you to this in place," she says, as if doing me a favor.

"Wait a minute. I was the one who took you here," I think, but I check myself. What's the point? After a cup of English tea, I leave the bar. After I get home, I call my friend Lulu right away, recounting the story.

"May May is typical of the one-child generation," says Lulu. "Their problem is that they want to be number one. They see everyone as rivals, not friends. They've lost their ability to keep friends."