The People’s Republic of Desire

32 Internet Date No. 2

In Henderson Center 's Irish Bar, some men are watching sports, and some are playing darts. Lulu, Beibei, and I are here to drink imported beer. Lulu updates us on her latest Internet dating fiasco. "After what happened with the 'MBA,' that married-but-available jackass, I told myself, 'You can't be so gullible anymore. Be smarter and take better control of your libido.' "

"That's exactly what I was going to suggest to you," I say.

"This Internet date was a handsome French-language interpreter in the Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs – a diplomat," Lulu says. "In his e-mails, he told me about his journey from a poor fishing village to Beijing. The hardship he endured was beyond understanding to those of us who were born with silver chopsticks. He walked thirty miles every day to his high school and had to work in the fields after school. He dreamed of being China 's Henry Kissinger. I was so moved."

"Perhaps he tried to win your sympathy. A trick Japanese women love to use to get their men," Beibei says.

"We first met at the Boys and Girls Bar in Sanlitun. He complimented me in French – calling me mon amour and ma belle and so on. It was romantic, but I told myse lf, let him keep on sweet-talking, but I am going to maintain control!"

"Sounds like mission impossible," I say.

"I stayed cool till our fifth date. On the evening of the Mid-Autumn Festival, we took a boat ride in the moat around the Forbidden City. On the boat, a girl in a traditional Chinese costume was playing the pipa for us, and two other girls were serving us tea and rice wine. All three of these chicks were pretty, but his gaze always stayed with me. Then we lit paper lanterns, put them in the water, and let them float away."

"Oh, yeah, I know, that's a tradition from southern China. The lanterns are in the shapes of lilies. You make a wish every time you light one, right?" I say.

"Yes. You know that the lily is my favorite plant. Every time the diplomat lit a paper lily, he looked into my eyes, murmuring 'I love you' in French. Just close your eyes and imagine the scene: a moon-lit autumn night, ancient towers and pavilions all around, pink lily lanterns floating on the water and casting their golden glow, a handsome young diplomat telling you that he loves you in the most romantic language in the world, plaintive ancient tunes being played on the pipa in the background…" Lulu closes her eyes, enraptured.

"I guess that's your excuse for not being able to say no, you big hopeless romantic!" I speak matter-of-factly.

"I thought it was amour. I overestimated those creatures we call men once again." Lulu speaks with tears in her eyes.

"You didn't end up in his bed, did you?" Beibei asks.

"Almost. After the boat ride, he told me that he had bought a new apartment in Tongxian and would like to take me there. I said yes right away because I thought he might propose."

"We drove for an hour and a half. As the miles rolled by, I was envisioning the two of us living in the new apartment in the suburbs and sharing a car together to go downtown to work each day. But then, he took me to a scruffy old house. In front of a rough wooden door, he told me, 'Here is our nest of passion.'"

"What was the inside like?" I ask anxiously. Beibei's eyes are also wide open in disbelief.

"The first thing I noticed after entering was the faint smell of cooking. Then I saw a pink coat on the hanger, pink slippers on the carpet. I went to the bathroom and saw a woman's toothbrush – and tampons. I confronted him. 'A woman lives here." I said.

"He nodded. 'Yes, but she's not here tonight.' He responded so brashly – as if I was asking him if he owned a pet. He tried to lead me to the bedroom. There I saw the picture of him and a woman hanging on the bedroom wall. It was clear that he had brought me to the apartment where he and his wife live every day."

"He didn't even bother to hide his wedding picture?" I yell out.

"Why did he tell you that it was a new apartment that he had bought?" Beibei asks.

"I asked him the same question. Guess what he said? He had been living there for five years, but just newly owned it. He used to rent it. I feel stupid even repeating his words!" Lulu is inconsolable.

"He took you there perhaps because his wife was out of town," I say.

Lulu says, "I asked him to take me back to town right away. He said, 'It's late. Stay here and I'll drive you back tomorrow.' I said, 'Let me go now.' Guess how he answered?" Lulu looks at Beibei and me who are holding our breath, waiting for the ending. "'I'm tired. If you want to go, go ahead, but I can't give you a ride. You'll have to get a cab.'" With these words Lulu starts to laugh hysterically.

"So did he help you call a cab?" Beibei asks.

"No. I did it myself. But there is no such service in Tongxian at night. It's too remote. "

I could picture the rest of the story: cold, scared, angry, and humiliated, Lulu, in her miniskirt, standing alone in the bleak suburb of Tongxian in the middle of the night, trying to hail a cab. Forty minutes passed, or maybe an hour, before she could finally get a cab – and then of course the cabdriver overcharged her.

"What he did to you was criminal," I yell.

"We have to get that bastard!" Beibei becomes enraged too.

"This time, I refused to be a victim," Lulu says. "I wrote to his work unit, telling them that he, a diplomat and married man, tried to seduce women on the Internet. I gave them his name, described his looks, and told them everything I knew about him."

"Good. You need to be a woman warrior!" I say.

"I bet his work unit fired him the next day. He made the glorious motherland lose face. He should not be allowed to receive French guests anymore," Beibei says.

"So did you hear from them?" I ask.

Lulu says, "Yes. In their reply, they said there was never any such person working in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs."

"They didn't say that!" Beibei whines.

I am speechless. One thing is for sure, I'd rather live alone for the rest of my life than try to find a date from the Internet.

"Yes, they did. Can I sue the Internet?" asks Lulu, almost crying.