Requiem for a Nun

REQUIEM FOR A NUN 219

girl held prisoner in the cave by the Bedouin prince? -That you had to

lose not only your bachelor freedom, but your man's self-respect in the

chastity of his wife and your child too, to pay for something your wife

hadn't even lost, didn't even regret, didn't even miss? Is that why this

poor lost doomed crazy Negro woman must die?

GOWAN

(tensely) Get out of here. Go on.

STEVENS

In a minute.-Or else, blow your own brains out:

stop having to remember, stop having to be forever

unable to forget: nothing; to plunge into nothing and

sink and drown forever and forever, never again to

have to remember, never again to wake in the ni ' ght

writhing and sweating because you cannot, can never

not, stop remembering? What else happened during

that month, that time while that madman held her

prisoner there in that Memphis house, that nobody

but you and she knew about, maybe not even you

know about?

Still staring at Stevens, slowly and deliberately Gowan sets the glass of

whiskey back on the tray and takes up the bottle and swings it bottom up

back over his head. The stopper is out, and at once the whiskey begins to

pour out of it, down his arm and sleeve and onto the floor. He does not seem

to be aware of it even. His voice is tense, barely articulate.

GOWAN

So help me, Christ ... So help me, Christ.

A moment, then Stevens moves, without haste, sets his own

glass back on the tray and turns, taking his hat as he passes

the sofa, and goes on to the door and exits. Gowan stands a

moment longer with the poised bottle, now empty. Then he

draws a long shuddering breath, seems to rouse, wake, sets

the empty bottle back on the tray, notices his untasted whiskey

glass, takes it up, a moment: then turns and throws the glass

crashing into the fireplace, against the burning gas logs, and

stands, his back to the audience, and draws another long

shuddering breath and then draws both hands hard down his

face, then turns, looking at his wet sleeve, takes out his hand

kerchief and dabs at his sleeve as he comes back to the table,

puts the handkerchief back in his pocket and takes the folded

napkin from the small tray beside the saltcellar and wipes his