Requiem for a Nun

REQUIEM FOR A NUN 269

hope: which was the child's own tender and defenseless innocence: that

God-if there was one-would protect the child-not her: she asked no quarter

and wanted none; she could cope, either cope or bear it, but the child from

the sight draft of her past-because it was innocent, even though she knew

better, all her observation having shown her that God either would not or

could not-anyway, did not-save innocence just because it was innocent; that

when He said 'Suffer little children to come unto Me' He meant exactly that:

He meant suffer; that the adults, the fathers, the old in and capable of

sin, must be ready and willing-nay, eager-to suffer at any time, that the

little children shall come unto Him unanguished, unterrified, undefiled. Do

you accept that?

GOVERNOR

Go on.

STEVENS

So at least she had case. Not hope: ease. It was precarious of course, a

balance, but she could walk a tightrope too. It was as though she had

struck, not a barg~!in, but an armistice with God-if there was one. She had

not tried to cheat; she had not tried to evade the promissory note of her

past by intervening the blank check of a child's innocence-it was born now,

a little boy, a son, her husband's son and heir-between. She had not tried

to prevent the child; she had simply never thought about pregnancy in this

connection, since it took the physical fact of the pregnancy to reveal to

her the existence of that promissory note bearing her post-dated signature.

And since God-if there was one-must be aware of that, then she too would

bear her side of the bargain by not demanding on Him a second time since

He-if there was one-would at least play fair, would be at least a gentleman.

And that?

GOVERNOR

Go on.

STEVENS

So you can take your choice about the second child. Perhaps she was too busy

between the three of them to be careful enough: between the three of them:

the doom, the fate, the past; the bargain with God; the forgiveness and the

gratitude. Like the juggler says,