Requiem for a Nun

268 WILLIAM FAULKNER

well, maybe not specifically reminded, but say madekept-aware of it in

order to be forgiven for it so that she might be grateful to the

forgiver, but in having to employ more and more of what tact she had-

and the patience which she probably didn't know she had, since until

now she had never occasion to need patience-to make the gratitude-in

which she bad probably had as little experience as she had had with

patience-acceptable to meet with, match, the high standards of the

forgiver. But she was not too concerned. Her husband-my nepbew-had

made what he probably considered the supreme sacrifice to expiate his

part in her past; she had no doubts of her capacity to continue to

supply whatever increasing degree of gratitude the increasing

appetite-or capacity-of its addict would demand, in return for the

sacrifice which, so she believed, she had accepted for the same reason

of gratitude. Besides, she still had the legs and the eyes; she could

walk away, escape, from it at any moment she wished, even though her

past might have shown her that she probably would not use the ability

to locomote to escape from threat and danger. Do you accept that?

GOVERNOR

All right. Go on.

STEVENS

Then she discovered that the child-the first onewas on the way. For

that first instant, she must have known something almost like frenzy.

Now she couldn't escape; she had waited too long. But it was worse

than that. It was as though she realized for the first time that

you-everyone-must, or anyway may have to, pay for your past; that past

is something like a promissory note with a trick clause in it which,

as long as nothing goes wrong, can be manumitted in an orderly manner,

but which fate or luck or chance, can foreclose on you without

warning. That is, she had known, accepted, this all the time and

dismissed it because she knew that she could cope, was invulnerable

through simple integration, own-womanness. But now there would be a

child, tender and defenseless. But you never really give up hope, you

know, not even after you finally realize that people not only can bear

anything, but probably will have to, so probably even before the

frenzy had had time to fade, she found a