Why Men Love Bitches

The Dumb Fox Handles His Ego with Kid Gloves

In the last chapter we touched on why power is intoxicating to a man in the very same way that romance is intoxicating to a woman. And now… a closer look.

In order to motivate a man to give, he must feel good when he gives. He wants to feel appreciated and revered. Ego is the reason men go to war. It’s the reason they build large corporations. Ego is the reason they stick needles in their butts at the gym before lifting heavy weights. It’s the reason they beg, steal, and borrow. And ego is the reason they fall in love.

The explanation may sound obvious, but it’s not: A man needs to feel “manly.” That’s why he won’t stop to ask for directions. It doesn’t matter if you tell him that six exits ago he was supposed to go west. He’ll still push the pedal to the metal and hightail it in the opposite direction. Men don’t get lost. They merely…

• “Get familiar with another area.”

• “Change destinations.”

• “Look to see what is down another street.”

• “Explore new terrain.”

He’s never lost. No, Inspector Gadget is merely “checking things out” in every last square foot of a 37-mile radius that is outside the intended destination.

If you want him to turn right, tell him “I think it might be to the left.” In a man’s mind, his navigation skills will always be superior to a woman’s. It’s all about his ego, which has no direction and no line of rotation.

The three words guaranteed to turn any man on? “You are right.” You’ll never convince him otherwise, so don’t bother trying.

Let him be right. You be smart. This is precisely the reason the dumb fox lets a man think he’s in control. When you appeal to his feeling of power, you “charge up his batteries.” Then you’re giving him what he needs and he doesn’t even know it.

A couple of times a week when he’s kind or generous, let him know he’s the top dog. Make him feel as though he’s the alpha-dog and the Grand Poo-Bah. He wears the pants, and he is the man. Meanwhile, guess who is getting her way?

My friend Annette learned this the hard way. She made the mistake of telling her new boyfriend about how she had killed a snake in her backyard. He asked her, “How in the world did you kill it?” She went on in detail about how she used a very large shovel to “do battle.” A look of complete and utter horror came over his face as she gave him a graphic play-by-play of the brutal “massacre.” Later that night, he couldn’t get an erection.

An obvious “penile” code infraction: When you act too much like Tarzan, he feels too much like Jane. Don’t even kill a bug when he’s around. Don’t change a tire. In fact, don’t even change a light bulb. (Heaven forbid, sister.)

For any red-blooded male, the feeling that he is the “man” is the ticket. This doesn’t mean that you should be docile all the time. At the same time that you show him you offer him “a mental challenge,” remember that he needs to have his ego stroked. There is a very big difference between catering to his ego and appearing needy. You shouldn’t show that you “need” him to help you with:

• Common sense

• Coping with everyday life

• Emotional stability

• Reassurance of your self-worth

• Self-esteem

• Feeling complete as a person

These things signify neediness. However, you can show that you need and appreciate his masculinity. He’ll absolutely eat out of your hand when he feels that you like his “manliness” or that you admire his… brawn.

Praise is an effective tool in getting him to treat you the way you want. Don’t complain, “Well, you used to bring me flowers.” From this point forward, every bouquet he gives you is the “prettiest you have ever seen.” Don’t complain that he doesn’t take you out enough. Instead, every restaurant he takes you to is “unbelievable” or “amazing.”

When he asks if you’ve been to the restaurant before, don’t tell him about the two ex-boyfriends who took you to the very same romantic corner table you are now sitting at. (Unless you never want to go back to that restaurant again.)

Whenever you give a man the impression that you want to “wear the pants,” you’ll almost always have a battle on your hands, in which case, congrats—you’ve become his opponent. If he competes, he plays to win at your expense, and good luck getting anything that way.

Men need a little coaching, and the way to coach them is to praise them when they behave well. A man’s favorite word? “Best.” It doesn’t matter if you say, “Honey, you eat those beer nuts the best—like no one I have ever met in my life.” Use the word best, and you’ll always have his full attention.

Make friends with his ego. For example, suppose you live together and he wants to help decorate. Chances are at some point he will have a need to “express” his virility by hanging something on the wall. (Something that clashes with everything.) When he gleefully breaks out those elephant tusks, the African sword, or the 1986 Super Bowl poster that he calls “art,” keep a straight face and appear sincere. “Yes, honey, Grandpa’s eighteenth-century rifle is to die for!” Then immediately enlist his “much needed help” in decorating the garage or the basement.

Want him to pitch in around the house? Just make him feel needed (i.e., powerful). Give him little assignments. It doesn’t matter if you ask him to program the VCR or help hang a photo on the wall. When he uses that noisy electric drill, he will feel just like Rambo. When the picture hangs crooked—and it will—pretend it’s perfect. Simply wait until he leaves the room and then straighten it.

When he hands over that paycheck, thank him for working so hard for “the benefit of everyone in the family.” Again, wait until he leaves the room. Then review the stub to make sure that he got paid all of his overtime.

Remember, when he behaves like a man and he treats you well, pay a little “homage” to that ego. He should feel like Conan the Barbarian a couple of times a week.

Whenever he does something handy around the house like putting up a shelf, praise him. It doesn’t matter if the shelf hangs at a 45-degree angle and the stuff keeps sliding off the other end. Clap like the happiest seal at the zoo, and then have a handyman come over to fix it when he isn’t around. The minute you say, “It’s crooked,” it’s all over. He’ll never do anything handy around the house again. It will make him feel worse than a little kid who got scolded in arts and crafts class.

Men have big egos and they need to have them stroked. This is what the “dumb fox” does. In small ways, she makes him feel like he is the King Kong of her world. Here are a few more dumb fox tips on how to make him feel “studly.”

• If you’re walking your dog at dusk, ask him to come with you because you want him to “keep you safe.”

• If he kills a little bug, look away. And don’t turn back around until he lets you know he has “secured the premises.”

• If you hear a noise at night (like a bird pooping on the roof), act really scared. Tell him to check to see “what that noise is about.”

• After he checks out the source of the noise, tell him you like having him in the house or apartment because it makes you “feel so much safer.”

• Ask him to open a jar that you can’t open (even if you can) or unzip your dress (even if you can reach it). Or, you can ask him to lift a small box for you.

• At a scary movie, hang on to him tightly. If there’s violence, cover your eyes and let him tell you when it’s over.

• If it’s cold outside, crawl under his coat and hang on to him for warmth.

• Let him move a piece of furniture (even one you could move yourself). When he does this with ease, tell him how heavy it was. “You are so strong! Gee, I don’t know how you moved that.”

• Let him parallel park your car or back it out of a tight spot. If you tell him he’s a “much better driver” than you are, he’ll really be eating out of your hand. He’ll probably wash your car or fill your tank with gas.

Handling his ego with kid gloves is as easy as learning your A-B-Cs. When her child brings home a crayon drawing from kindergarten—no matter how ugly it is—a mother doesn’t criticize it. She’d never say, “Is that a dog or a cow? Hey kid—don’t quit your day job.” Instead she tells him, “This is a masterpiece!” Then the child thinks he is the next Picasso, and he draws ten more pictures.

Praise is important. When he takes you out to eat, say thank-you once at dinner, and again when you say good night. The nice girl often makes the mistake of saying thank-you over and over. Then she calls the following day to say thank-you three times on his answering machine. As though no one’s ever bought her a hot meal before.

In the beginning, without question let him pay for dinner. After you’ve been dating for a while, you can reciprocate. But don’t do a 50/50 split or go Dutch—he’s not a long-lost professional colleague.

When a man is really crazy about a woman, he isn’t concerned with splitting a check. He won’t say, “You had the turkey salad and I had the beef. So your total comes to…” If he adores her, he won’t be thinking about petty cash. What he’ll be thinking about is how he can win her over.

If he can’t afford it, suggest an inexpensive place or do something that doesn’t cost money. Visit a museum. Go on a bike ride. Split a dinner plate, and don’t order alcohol. However, if he asks you to split the check on the first few dates, don’t see him again. It has less to do with a few dollars than with the fact that he’s not very concerned with impressing you. And that’s never a good sign.

This conversation came up on my radio show. A caller asked if she should let the man pay, and I said, “In the beginning, yes.” Both my male guest and the male sound engineer jumped in and said, “But that’s not fair.” Then I got a spelling lesson: “Fair. It’s spelled f-a-i-r.” I see their point. But it also isn’t fair that we get sixty cents on the dollar in the workplace, that we wear painful pushup bras and high heels, and that we carry the babies and give birth. So let him be the man. A gentleman.

The important thing is that when he pays, let him know at the end of the dinner you really do appreciate it. And compliment him on his taste in food, wine, or the restaurant. If it wasn’t good, don’t comment.

The dumb fox knows that the less she criticizes, the better. Which is why she doesn’t nag. Instead, she maneuvers.

For example, when he leaves his clothes on the floor next to the bed before he turns in for the night… don’t worry about it. He’ll probably get out of bed in the morning and pick them up. And then he’ll put them right back on.

About those socks and underwear that are peppered throughout your home? That was your fault, because you bought a hamper with a lid. (Much too complicated.) Get a hamper with no lid and strategically put it in a corner. Congrats. You’ve erected your very own basketball hoop. Every time he makes a dunk shot out of his dirty underwear? Two points.

Do you always change the toilet paper roll? Does he always get a full roll, while you get the last crummy little square, half of which is stuck to the cardboard? Nothing a little housebreaking won’t fix.

One Sunday morning, he’ll go in the bathroom and take his seat with the sports section. He won’t notice the absence of toilet paper for twenty minutes because he’ll be fixated on the stats from Saturday’s football game. Then, when he’s finished reading he’ll call, “Honey? Honey?! Can you hear me?!” (No response.)

This is your cue to take out the kitchen trash. After all, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are chirping. (Trivia question: How long before he realizes there’s more toilet paper under the sink?)

If he doesn’t help out around the house, the dumb fox doesn’t complain and say, “You can’t put a price on what I do around the house.” Instead, she gets an estimate from a maid service. See how easy? Now not only does she “put a price on it,” she even pays it to someone else.

Here’s another example of how a dumb fox might “maneuver.” A friend named Sharon was running herself ragged trying to clean up after her kids and her husband. She wanted to have someone come in to help her once a week. Her husband was very opposed to paying $50 for a maid every week, even though they could afford it. He kept insisting on “just once a month.”

Sharon played the dumb fox and agreed to a maid once a month—sort of. She wrote a check to the maid once a month, and each of the other three weeks she asked for $50 in cash back when she wrote a check at the market. Not only did this prevent weekly arguments, he came home to a beautifully cleaned house every week.

The Dumb Fox Credo as outlined here, allows for smooth sailing and no room for conflict:

• Agree with everything.

• Explain nothing.

• Then do what is best for you. It will make life a whole lot easier.

For example, the dumb fox is smart enough to save herself the grief by insisting on separate bathrooms. First of all, the concept of guest towels or decorative towels is foreign to men. To him, a towel is a towel, which means a bath towel is a beach towel is a carwash towel is an oil-changing towel. You would think he’d “spare” the pretty one with the pink bow, but no such luck. And the towels you use on your face? Say hello to your new floor mop.

Once in a while, you’ll come across a man who is extra clean. But generally, sharing a bathroom with a man will be sheer misery. Ten minutes after you’ve cleaned the sink and mirror with streakfree Windex, he’ll come in there and spray water everywhere. It’s like sharing a bathroom with your very own, inhouse, adopted walrus. Scientists have not yet joined with zoologists to do a study on why it is that men “spray.” So, until they figure it out, insist that you have your own bathroom.

The dumb fox also cleverly divides up the personal space in the home with the utmost fairness. She gives him 20 percent of the closet, but “the whole garage” or basement to himself. He also controls the lawnmower, the cars, the barbecue, and the tools. Remember: Men are very territorial, so you’ll also want to designate the yard as his domain in the “habitat.” It will come in handy when you’re hogging the bathroom.

In Japan, there is an interesting motto: A smart eagle does not show her claws. American women perceive Japanese women as submissive because they bow to men and walk behind them in the streets. However, Japanese men typically bring their paychecks home and give them to their wives. The wife controls the purse strings in the Japanese home and decides how the money is spent.

Now we uncover the real reason why a Japanese woman may walk behind her man in the street: It is those deep, heavy pockets that are slowing her down. The poor thing can hardly keep up.

In addition to having to feel he’s “right,” a man needs to have things be “his idea.” So, remember, it’s always his idea. Even if it isn’t, convince him that it is.

When you’re in front of a group of friends and he steps in and takes credit for something that you thought of, don’t make a fuss over it. He needs to show that he’s the chief. Don’t correct him or try to “show him up” in front of your mutual friends because he’ll feel emasculated. It’s like a mommy scolding her little boy in front of his friends at school. Publicly, he needs to “save face.”

If it’s absolutely necessary, wait until you are alone with him to bring up something he did that may have bothered you. Address it privately, not in front of people. If it’s unimportant nonsense, let him take all the credit. Who cares? The dumb fox knows better. She never starts a fight over something trivial, particularly if she knows in advance she’ll gain absolutely nothing from winning. The dumb fox is strong in a demure way. She stands her ground, but she’s not a ballbuster. She employs the “Science of Compliance.” She appears to give up power, but gains leverage in the process.

For all “egointensive” purposes, help him look manly in front of other people. Let him open doors and let him address the hostess at the restaurant. “Johnson. Party of 4.” This is just the token power position which is meaningless.

When you are truly running the show, you don’t need to tip your hand or flaunt it. If he is treating you like you are his dreamgirl, you have all the power you need. Remember, feminine strength is equally as powerful. It’s poetic justice: Men control the world, but women control the men.

Alice, an attractive older woman who has been married for many years, shared the following advice. “Whenever I want to do something, I convince my husband it was his idea. I’ll say ‘Sweetie, would you like to go to this restaurant or that one?’ He’s paying, so I always let him think he’s the one choosing. And after we’re done eating? I tell him, ‘What a great idea that was!’”

Most men know it’s a turn-on to a woman if they do romantic things, but women don’t understand that giving men the feeling of power has the same effect. It melts them like butter. It is a good-natured way of gaining leverage in your relationship.

Men do the very same thing. They know that we like roses. If they never saw another rose, it would be no loss to them. They’re as attached to the roses as they are to a plant in their office building or a weed growing in the cracks of a sidewalk.

Most women generally won’t say no to any reasonable request made by a man who has just brought a beautiful bouquet of roses. When you appeal to his ego, it has the same effect. He’ll want to remain a king in your eyes, and he’ll want to please you. Men work their whole lives just to have a woman look at them adoringly and say, “You’re wonderful” and “I admire you.” He’ll climb a whole mountain just to feel admired by a woman he loves.

Once you’re in charge of that relationship, you’re giving him what he needs (power) and he doesn’t even know it. It works with even the smartest men. Here’s what Albert Einstein said about his wife on their fiftieth wedding anniversary:

The dumb fox doesn’t have to “obey” her man as in, “I promise to love, honor, and obey until death do us part.” She has her own rendition of the marital vows. She “promises to love, honor, and appear to be agreeable some of the time.”

This is not a lesson in how to give up your power or become more docile. This is a lesson in how to gain power because you appeal to a man and make him channel his energies toward you. Men need a little help when it comes to emotions, because they aren’t always aware of what motivates them. You have to make him think he’s in charge; then he’ll be much more attuned to what you need and he’ll apply much more effort to please you. It keeps him stimulated and it keeps his interest. Then he wants to give you the reins; at which point, you will have all the power that you need.

The Dumb Fox Is a Clever Negotiator

Now that women are long established in the work force, men don’t feel they’re needed as much. Even though they work as hard, they don’t get the feeling of being appreciated as the “man of the house” as much as they used to. As Erica Jong said, “Beware of the man who praises women’s liberation. He’s about to quit his job.”

Women who are successful in other areas of life are often the ones who find themselves saying, “I should not have to apologize for being strong.” Then the following week they wonder why they “can’t find a good man.” Because a good man wants a good w-o-m-a-n. Being a bitch does not mean you lose your femininity. And it also doesn’t mean you overtly try to wear the pants in the house. It just means you don’t allow anyone to walk all over you.

The classic superwoman wants a relationship in which the man and woman are “equals.” This is a nice theory, but in practice it becomes a onesided relationship pretty quickly.

For this reason, be careful how you set the tone in the beginning. Never start what you don’t want to continue. If you don’t want to cook every night, don’t start out cooking every night. If you don’t want to go to the grocery store all the time, don’t set the pattern of doing it all the time. Let him come your way.

In the beginning, men are so willing to make an impression, and this is why they are especially accommodating. This is precisely when you’ll want to help him form good habits. Later, when everything has been done for him, he’ll be too set in his ways to change.

For example, after a few dates you may find yourself standing under the arch of your front door, kissing him good night. It’s a moment to behold. The stars are twinkling, the moonlight is breathtaking, and you both look up to find a shooting star. He’ll barely notice your kitchen trash is under his left arm.

If a man offers to take you to lunch or dinner, let him. If he asks if he can bring over takeout, bring on the egg rolls. If he asks to get you something from the grocery store, let him pick up sorbet in the flavor you like. It isn’t about him paying the three dollars. It makes him happy to feel he’s meeting your needs. And it makes him feel as if he’s “driving that train.” Even though you really are.

The hardest lesson for the nice girl to learn is how to receive. Let him give to you, because part of his manhood is defined by feeling “responsible.”

The dumb fox doesn’t give up power, she simply creates the appearance that she does. And this very much helps her positioning power because she gets what she wants.

Here’s a classic example. A woman I know named Michelle told me about a man she’s seeing. On the second date, he asked her if she’d drive to his place. She was put on the spot and then pulled a dumb fox move. She ignored the request and very sweetly asked, “Would you prefer to get together another night? If tonight is inconvenient, I do understand.”

Michelle averted the question completely. She didn’t act upset or tell him what to do. She simply gave him a couple of alternatives, one of which is that she may not participate. Then she let him choose.

The beauty is that the dumb fox is agreeable, tactful, and always polite, so he thinks he’s in control (even though he isn’t). Even though the dumb fox appears oblivious, she is very aware. It’s no different than a successful business negotiation:

1. She doesn’t spell out where she’s coming from.

2. She’s prepared to walk away, if the terms aren’t favorable to her.

The dumb fox does both, without words. She negotiates with her willingness (or lack thereof) to participate. If the offer sounds good, she says, “I’d love to.” If the offer doesn’t sound good, she answers, “I’d love to, but I’m pooped.” She responds favorably when he behaves like a gentleman and backs off in a subtle way if his manners fall short.

Being dumb like a fox can also defuse a situation in which he is slightly disrespectful. For example, let’s say you’re waiting to be seated for dinner on your first date, and he puts his hand on your lower back— very low on your back—as in, any lower and he knows whether you prefer to wear a brief or a thong. All you need to do is play dumb, step aside as if it were a complete accident, and say, “Oops, excuse me.”

Another example happened with my friend Talia. She was at dinner and the waiter brought the check to the table. Her date made a joke to the waiter about giving the bill to her and then looked at her to get her reaction. She titled her head side-ways and looked confused as if to suggest that she’s never heard anything like this before. Then she started to blink as though she might have been hallucinating.

The dumb fox doesn’t spell things out. The nice girl, on the other hand, makes the mistake of wearing her heart on her sleeve almost all the time. As one man named Paul said, “Women talk too much. If she’s upset, she’ll go on and on. I’d rather get into a ring with Mike Tyson for six rounds than hear a woman repeat herself over and over.”

Think about the last time a man spilled his guts. At first it feels like “bonding.” But the novelty wears off very quickly. Men want bonding, sure—below the waist.

The two-hour phone calls you love are a big mistake. He likes it the first time because he knows you’re interested. After that, he hates it. Don’t let conversations on the phone last too long. Don’t let yourself be perceived as a tiresome obligation. Keep the phone calls short and sweet—and he’ll never get tired of calling.

When you aren’t needy, you don’t require a play-by-play from the sidelines about the relationship. When you are secure with yourself, he doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on you. And when he doesn’t have a 100 percent hold on you, he eats out of your hand.

Eliminate the following words from your vocabulary: We need to talk. My friend Jeanette shared her observations on men with me: “You have to sneak up on them. Feed them, get them a beer, and then casually bring it up. Go through the back door. In and out—before they realize what has happened.”

When men talk to each other, they say their piece and then the other one responds. One nods. The other grunts. One takes a shot; the other buys him a beer. The most feed-back he’ll get is a couple of sentences. Did you blink? The “bonding” has commenced.

Most men have a concentration threshold for the “mushy” stuff that lasts about two minutes. Right around the second minute, his mind will start to wander. He’ll be thinking, “Man, I’m getting hungry. I wonder what we’re having for dinner?”

The bitch communicates differently from the nice girl. A bitch tells it like it is in a matter-of-fact way and gets her point across succinctly. The nice girl wears her heart on her sleeve and pours out her guts. And what does he hear? Nothing at all. However, he does see her neediness, which eventually turns him off.

The Dumb Fox Is More Mysterious

The dumb fox knows that familiarity breeds contempt, so she doesn’t spill her guts on the first couple of dates. She lets the “cream rise to the top” without rushing things.

When you first meet a man, don’t overcompensate by doing all the talking. Don’t talk constantly out of nervousness. Keeping cool and quiet will give you more appeal, not to mention the ability to wield more power.

I was once on a date with a man I had just met. He began to share all the sordid details of his last relationship. I had no desire to listen, but I didn’t criticize him or make him feel “wrong.” I was polite. I simply asked, “So John, what’s your workload like at the office this week?”

The dumb fox does not ask, “May we change the subject?” Permission isn’t necessary.

The dumb fox also doesn’t tell him about her past relationships. You’re “a prize,” and you don’t have a long list of calamities to report. He doesn’t need to know that your ex-husband stole your appliances, is defaulting on his child support, and has a Mafioso brother who is doing time for racketeering. If he’s classy, he won’t be impressed that your last boyfriend is “still stalking you and can’t let go.”

If he asks about your ex, you say, “We went our separate ways.” Here’s another option: “We wanted different things.” The dumb fox relies on a “vague generality” when he asks for information that’s none of his business.

As far as what you disclose? Don’t volunteer bad information about yourself. He doesn’t need to know that you’re insecure about your thighs or that you haven’t been on a date in 7.2 months. Inquiring minds do not need to know.

Men automatically assume that, if you’re interested, you’ll do anything to “nail him down.” He immediately thinks you want “exclusivity”; you want to break open the hope chest and have babies with him. It’s important for him to think you’re different: You are relaxed, secure, and happy with him or without him. This is known as the happy-go-lucky formula, described in Attraction Principle #42.

If you want to talk about your favorite ice cream, go for it. Traveling to Belize? Yes. Your problems at work or your disappointing visit to the fertility doctor? No.

It’s perfectly okay to leave some of his questions about you unanswered. In fact, it is advisable to do so. When all is said and done, a person shows you who he or she is. No one will come out and tell you. Therefore, what a person shows you with actions is the only language that matters.

The Dumb Fox Is True to Herself

The fox is the smaller animal, and in the animal kingdom, the smaller animal is the prey. Therefore, the fox knows it is incumbent on her to look out for her own best interests, especially in the beginning of a relationship. On the other hand, the nice girl believes everything she’s told because it sounds good, which puts her out there to get hurt. The fox knows that, in the beginning, a man is likely to “flower up” his intentions; therefore, she must stay alert.

Trivia question: Which guy scores more women: the guy who “flowers up” his intentions, or the guy who tells it like it is? The point is, if he has a hidden agenda the last thing he’ll do is spell it out for her. So it’s up to the fox to figure things out on her own.

The reason the dumb fox doesn’t reveal what she observes is that he’ll show his true colors much more quickly when he doesn’t realize he is being watched. When a man talks about himself or past relationships, he may do so as a way of helping her “get to know him.” Rather than getting into heavy question-and-answer sessions, the fox keeps the conversation light. Why? The truest things are said in jest. He’ll tell you everything you need to know in passing conversation, with a joke or an off-the-cuff remark here and there. If he’s a wolf dressed up as a sheep, his whiskers will inevitably pop out.

When the dumb fox senses something’s “just not right” with a man’s character, she does not bring it to his attention. The only conversation the dumb fox has is between her two ears. As President Lyndon B. Johnson said, “You’ve got to know when to keep your mouth shut.”

When you tell someone who may be manipulating you what you observe, he will immediately try to talk you out of it. He’ll say, “You’re insecure” or “You’re prejudging me.” Are you prejudging him? You had better be. The only mistake is letting him know it.

The dumb fox is selfreliant. She judges people by her own experiences. The dumb fox takes better care of herself and makes better choices because she lets time elapse and she watches to see how the man behaves. She trusts her observations and she trusts her animal instincts.

No hunted animal gives the “benefit of the doubt.” The fox senses danger and hightails it out of there. Never be around a person who has shown you he is a hurtful person. If he does this by accident, that’s one thing. But if he’s hurtful on purpose? Game over. You’ve learned everything you need to know.

In the beginning, have fun and go out… but keep your cards close to your vest. Most important, take your time. This will not only make you smart as a fox, it will help you keep your independence.

The nice girl loses an important protective mechanism when she assumes that life is fair, or that Prince Charming will always protect her. The smart fox is not governed by wishful thinking or the hope of a fantasy outcome, like Cinderella. Despite appearances, she trusts herself to watch her own back instead of giving a man the responsibility of doing it for her.

It’s what every animal in the wild does to survive, so that they don’t become “din din.” Above all, the smart fox understands—and adheres to—the first law of nature: Every animal for herself.