Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

CHRISTMAS DAY, 1937

Almost everyone in town had gotten a cap pistol for Christmas, and most of them had gathered in Dr. Hadley’s backyard that afternoon for a shoot-out. The whole yard smelled of sulphur from the caps that had been cracking in the cold air all afternoon. They had all been killed a hundred times over. Pow! Pow! Pow! You’re dead!

Pow! Pow!

“Augh! You got me! … Auggh!”

Eight-year-old Dwane Kilgore grabbed his chest, fell to the ground, and took three minutes to die. When he had jerked his last jerk, he jumped up and unrolled another red strip of caps and reloaded in a frenzy.

Stump Threadgoode was a late arrival to the shoot-out, and had just finished his Christmas dinner up at the cafe with the family and Smokey Lonesome. He hit the yard running, and he had timed it just right, because everyone was loaded and ready to go. He ran behind a tree and took aim at Vernon Hadley. POW! POW!

CRACK CRACK CRACK … Vernon, who was behind a bush, jumped up and yelled, “You missed, you dirty varmit!”

Stump, who had shot all his caps, was busy trying to reload when Bobby Lee Scroggins, an older boy, ran up to him and let him have it.

CRACK CRACK CRACK … POW POW POW … “Got ya!”

And before he knew it, Stump was dead …

But Stump was game. He reloaded time and time again, only to be killed in the process, over and over again.

Peggy Hadley, Vernon’s little sister, who was in the same class as Stump, came out, all bundled up in her new maroon coat, with her new doll, and sat on the back steps to watch. All of a sudden it wasn’t so much fun to be getting killed over and over, and Stump started desperately trying to get one of them, but there were too many of them and he couldn’t reload fast enough to protect himself.

CRACK CRACK CRACK … killed again! But he kept trying. He made a desperate run and got behind a big oak tree in the middle of the yard, where he could dart out and shoot and jump back behind the tree. He had already killed Dwane with a lucky shot and was working on Vernon when Bobby Lee jumped up behind him from behind a stack of bricks—Stump turned, but it was too late.

Bobby Lee had pulled two guns on him and let him have it with both barrels.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

Bobby Lee shouted, “You’re dead! You’re double dead! Die!”

Stump had no choice but to die in front of Peggy.

It was a quick, quiet death. He got right up and said, “I’ve gotta go home and get some more caps. I’ll be right back.”

He had plenty of caps, but he wanted to die for real. Peggy had seen him get killed over and over.

After he left, Peggy stood up and yelled at her brother, “Ya’ll aren’t playing fair. Poor Stump has only one arm and that’s not fair. I’m gonna tell Mother on you, Vernon!”

Stump ran in the back room and threw his cap pistol across the floor and then kicked his electric train set against the wall, mad and crying with frustration. When Ruth and Idgie came back, there he was stomping his Erector set that he’d already smashed flat.

When he saw them, he started crying and screaming at the same time, “I cain’t do anything with this thing,” and he began hitting at his missing arm.

Ruth grabbed him. “What’s the matter, honey? What happened?”

“Everybody’s got double holsters but me! I cain’t beat ’em, they’ve killed me all afternoon!”

“Who?”

“Dwane and Vernon and Bobby Lee Scroggins.”

Ruth said, stricken, “Oh honey …”

She knew this day would come, but now that it had, she didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? How do you tell a seven-year-old boy that it would be all right? She looked to Idgie for help.

Idgie stared at Stump for a minute and then got her coat, picked him up off the bed, put his coat on, and took him outside to the car.

“Come on, mister, you’re going with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“Never mind.”

He sat there in silence while she drove him down to the river road. When they came to a sign that said WAGON WHEEL FISHING CAMP, she made a turn. Pretty soon they came to a gate made out of two big white wagon wheels. Idgie got out and opened the gates and then drove on through, down to a cabin by the river. When she got there, she blew the horn, and after a minute, a redheaded woman opened the door.

Idgie told Stump to stay in the car and she got out and went up to talk with the woman. The dog inside the house was beside itself, jumping up and down, yapping, it was so excited to see her.

Idgie talked for a few minutes, and then the lady went away for a second and came back and handed Idgie a rubber ball. When she opened the screen door, the little dog flew out and was about to wiggle itself to death, so glad to see her.

Idgie walked down off the porch, and said, “Come on, Lady!Come on, girl!” and threw the ball up in the air. The little white rat terrier jumped at least four feet and caught the ball in midair, and then ran back to Idgie and gave it back to her. Then Idgie threw the ball up against the house and Lady jumped straight up and caught it again.

That’s when Stump noticed that the little dog only had three legs.

That dog jumped and ran after that ball for about ten minutes and never once lost its balance. After a while, Idgie took the little dog back up to the house and went inside to say goodbye to the redheaded woman.

Then she came back out to the car and drove down a little road, where she parked by the river.

“Stump, I want to ask you something, son.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Did that dog look like it was having a good time?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Did it look like she was happy to be alive?”

“Yes.”

“Did it look to you like she felt sorry for herself?”

“No ma’am.”

“Now, you’re my son and I love you no matter what. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“But you know, Stump, I’d hate like the devil to think that you didn’t have any more sense than that poor, little dumb dog we saw today.”

He looked down at the car floor. “Yes ma’am.”

“So I don’t want to hear any more about what you can and cain’t do, okay?”

“Okay.”

Idgie opened up the glove compartment and pulled out a bottle of Green River Whiskey. “And besides, your Uncle Julian and I are going to take you out next week and teach you how to shoot a real gun.”

“Really?”

“Really!” She removed the bottle cap and took a swallow. “We’re gonna make you the best goddamned shot in the state,and just let one of them try and beat you at anything … here, have a drink.”

Stump’s eyes got big as he reached for the bottle. “Really?”

“Yes, really. But don’t tell your mother. We’ll make those boys wish they hadn’t got up in the morning.”

Stump took a sip and tried to act as if it hadn’t tasted like gasoline on fire and asked, “Who was that woman?”

“A friend of mine.”

“You’ve been here before, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, a couple of times. But don’t tell your mother.”

“Okay.”