The Goal

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love... because of all the reasons everybody else does," she says. "Alex, you're asking a lot of dumb questions."

"Whether they're dumb or smart, I'm asking them because we've been living together for fifteen years and we have no clear understanding of what our marriage is supposed to do... or become... or anything!" I sputter. "We're just coasting along, doing 'what everyone else does.' And it turns out the two of us have some very different assumptions of what our lives are sup- posed to be like."

"My parents have been married for thirty-seven years," she says, "and they never asked any questions. Nobody ever asks 'What is the goal of a marriage?' People just get married because they're in love."

"Oh. Well, that explains everything, doesn't it," I say.

"Al, please don't ask these questions," she says. "They don't have any answers. And if we keep talking this way, we're going to ruin everything. If this is your way of saying you're having second thoughts about us-"

"Julie, I'm not having second thoughts about you. But you're the one who can't figure out what's wrong with us. Maybe if you tried to think about this logically instead of simply comparing us to the characters in a romance novel-"

"I do not read romance novels," she says.

"Then where did you get your ideas about how a marriage is supposed to be?" I ask her.

She says nothing.

"All I'm saying is we ought to throw away for the moment all the pre-conceptions we have about our marriage, and just take a look at how we are right now," I tell her. "Then we ought to figure out what we want to have happen and go in that direc- tion."

But Julie doesn't seem to be listening. She stands up.

"I think it's time we walked back," she says.

On the way back to the Barnett house, we're as silent as two icebergs in January, the two of us drifting together. I look at one side of the street; Julie looks at the opposite. When we walk through the door, Mrs. Barnett invites me to stay for dinner, but I say I've got to be going. I say goodbye to the kids, give Julie a wave and leave.

I'm getting into the Mazda when I hear her come running after me.