The Mare

Velvet

When Ginger called me, I told her I did give Rodriguez my papers. I wasn’t lying, because I did them, I did the papers and I took them to school. Besides it was true, the other thing I said; Rodriguez hated me and I knew my report card would not be good. So did my mom. She said, “You’re a dumb girl trying to be smart. You don’t think I tried too? I worked, and I still got failed and you will too. You’ll see. That kind of smart won’t help you anyway.”

We were watching her favorite show, and I was kneeling on the floor rubbing her legs and her feet while she told me how shitty everything was, especially me. She gets what she deserves, Carmencita. Just you wait!

“Ginger is nice, but she’s foolish. She doesn’t know where you live. She doesn’t even know what it’s like to get up in the morning and take the bus to work — ah, there he goes again!” She meant the cheat Santiago, he was giving this girl a flower and saying, Walk across a piece of paradise with me. Beautiful music played; he was engaged to be married, but the music was on his side. My mom said, “More on the other foot,” and the scene changed to Santiago’s girlfriend’s mom taking painkillers. For a while I just rubbed and we watched, then my mom started again. “She’s got no kids and has to borrow somebody else’s and I don’t know why she picked you. Probably she feels sorry for you. Well, I feel sorry for her. So be nice to her. Show her manners, respect her house. Don’t let her see what you’re really like. If she wants to buy you things, let her. Give you money, even better. Make her happy, maybe one day you’ll get an inheritance. A woman like that — ow! Not so hard, idiot!”

“I’m sorry, Mami.” I rubbed her foot like I rubbed my mare and I felt her soften, like scared little hairs coming alive one by one.

“A woman like that, what kind of woman?”

“Aren’t you listening? I’m telling you what she’s like! She has money, but she’s empty inside.” I would’ve loved to have known Papa — what was he like, Sylvie? Was he affectionate? “Well, bless her, at least she’s trying. At least she’s trying.”

I rubbed and we watched, not talking for a while.