X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Homeland Security-SALUS PATRIAE

I’d open these bills, but I’m afraid they may contain anthrax

Has epistulas debitorum solutionem poscentes aperirem, sed metuo ne bacilli anthracis insint

The bad news is, the Martians have landed and, boy, are they mean; the good news is they hate Arabs and they piss gasoline

Tristis nuntio Martios descendisse et, eheu, truculentos esse, sed laetus nuntio illos odisse Arabes oleumque octanum meiere

If you don’t give me this putt, the terrorists win

Nisi mihi hunc puteolum concedis, phobistae vincunt

If I can’t get a decent table at a top restaurant on short notice, the terrorists have won

Nisi mensam opimam in popina optima extemplo accumbere possum, phobistae vicerunt

If you won’t sleep with me, the terrorists will have won

Nisi mecum concubueris, phobistae vicerint

Get out the duct tape-I’m about to fart!

Effer fasciam adhaesivam-mox pedam!