X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Modern Vatican Latin-SERMO LATINUS HODIERNUS IN VATICANO

On the advice of counsel, I have decided to testify in Latin

Iurisconsultus mihi suasit ut testimonium dicerem Latine

My patron saint, Miranda, appeared to me in a vision and told me to remain silent

Patrona mea, Sancta Miranda, apparens mihi somnio me iussit tacere

Whom are you going to believe, me or some snot-nosed little boy, no matter how cute?

Utri vos convenit credere? Mihi, an nescio cui puero parvulo muculento, quamlibet pulchellus sit?

Look, these legal fees are putting quite a dent in the old collection plate

En, mercedes iurisperitorum discum eleemosynarium vero vacuefaciunt

What if I say one million Our Fathers and a couple hundred thousand Hail Marys and we just call it even?

Si Orationum Dominicarum decies centena milia recitabo, Salutationumque Beatae Mariae bis vel ter ducena milia, eritne satis?

The devil made me do it!

Diabolus me coegit peccare!