X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Winespeak-DICTA ARBITRI VINI

It’s an intense chalky white marked by overtones of turpentine and lead, with a bright, long-lasting finish

Vinum peralbum cretosum est, resinam terebinthinam et cerussam redolens, nec sine polimine nitido durabili

It’s a pointless little red wine with a unique balance of ignorance and pretension made by an obnoxious millionaire Napa Valley dilettante for self-important dumb-lucky dickheads just like him

Vinum irritum pusillum rubrum est, incomparabiliter librans ignorantiam suam cum ostentatione, a quodam Trimalchione Napaensi confectum salaputiis gloriosis immerito fortunatis, persimilibus sui

It’s a dirt-cheap head-banging screw-top bum wine that I poured into a leftover bottle with a fancy French label while no one was looking

Vappa vilissima est, quae capitis dolores facit, quamque ex lagona obturamento versatili clausa in lagunculam reliquam, cui pittacium Gallicum speciosum affixum erat, transfudi, dum nemo me spectabat

* It’s a dirt-cheap head-banging screw-top bum wine that I poured into a leftover bottle with a fancy French label while no one was looking.

** My compliments to the chef-the empire lost a truly inspired poisoner when he decided to go to cooking school.