X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Jury Duty-OFFICIUM IUDICIALE

I’m hopelessly prejudiced-everyone in this court looks like a criminal, including the judge

Opinionem praeiudicatam immutabilem habeo-omnes in hac basilica mihi videri nefarios esse, praetore non excepto

No fair! Just last month I served as a hooded judge on a secret military tribunal, but they made me promise not to tell.

Iniquum est! Modo proximo mense officio iudicis cucullati functus sum in tribunali clandestino militari tamen coactus sum iurare me de eo taciturum.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help, help me Rhonda

Iuro sollemniter me dicturum verum, totum verum, nihil praeter verum, ita me iuvet, iuvet Rhonda

I think I can tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them

Credo me posse diiudicare utrum quis nocens an innocens sit modo eum spectando

* I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help, help me Rhonda

** I think I can tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them

*** If it’s really, really close and the jury deadlocks, is it okay to flip a coin?

If it’s really, really close and the jury deadlocks, is it okay to flip a coin?

Si lis valde dubia sit, sententiis iuratorum paribus, liceatne nos nummum iactare, “caput aut navem” enuntiantes?

If the guy is obviously guilty, can we just skip the trial and send him straight to prison under early admission?

Si reus manifesto sit in culpa, sitne fas nos quaestionem praetereuntes condemnatum in carcerem confestim conicere per admissionem subitariam?

If the gloves don’t fit, do we have to acquit?

Si digitalia non congruant manibus, sitne nobis necesse reum absolvere?

Does the jury room have a minibar?

Estne cubiculum deliberationis instructum cistula potionum spirituosarum?

I believe the minimum award in civil cases should be one million dollars, but if you lose, you get the electric chair

Mea sententia, causam privatam obtinenti ut minimum decies centena milia Ioachimicorum addici debent, at de perdente supplicium ultimum in electrica sella sumendum est

I plan to find everyone not guilty by reason of I am extremely pissed off

In animo mihi est, iracundiae meae maximae causa, quemque reum absolvere de crimine

But in a larger sense, can any of us say that we are truly innocent?

Quod autem ad res universas attinet, ecquis nostrum dicere potest se vere innocentem esse?

No, no! It was me! It was me all along! I did it! I did it and I’m glad! Ha-ha, just kidding.

Minime! Non est! Ego fui! Semper ego! Ego facinus feci! Atque gaudeo me fecisse! Hahahae! Tantummodo iocabar.