How to Be a Carioca

Being a Carioca is a state of mind that knows no age boundaries. Therefore, if you are a parent, it is important that your offspring follow in your footsteps down the road to becoming a true Carioca.

Essential phrases

The following phrases are the heart of the Carioca child’s vocabulary, all of which may be directed at the nursemaid, maid, mother, father, grandmother, aunt, or any other able being who happens to be in the vicinity.

As a matter of fact, some Carioca children will even continue to successfully use these phrases well into adulthood:

«Eu quero» [ayoo ’keeeeeeeeeeeeeh rroo]: «I want.» (As in «Eu quero um sorvete.»: «I want an ice cream.»)

«Me da» [meeeeeee ’daaaaaaaaaahh]: «Give me.»

«Num quero» [noom ’keeeeeeeh rroo]: «I don’t want.» (As in «Num quero legumes.»: «I don’t want any vegetables.»)

«Num fui eu» [noom foy ’ayoo]: «It wasn’t me.»

For maximum effectiveness when using any one of these phrases, your Carioca child should:

• repeat it at least five times,

• shout it in the loudest voice possible,

• never interrupt whatever it is he or she is doing when using it, and

• direct the phrase to everyone and anyone (preferably family members and maids).

What to feed your carioca child

Since Carioca children are NOT very fond of variety when it comes to food, they are very easy to feed. To avoid any problems, though, while at home or at a restaurant, only nourish your Carioca child with the following:

• bife [’bee fee]: a thin steak

• batata frita [bah tah tah ’frree tah]: french fries

• arroz e feijão [ah ’hoiz ее fey ’jown]: rice and beans

• macarrão [mah kah ’hown]: noodles

Obs.: It is imperative that you never place anything else, especially if it’s green, on or near your Carioca child’s plate. And unless your child is drinking a soft drink, be sure to put at least three heaping tablespoons of sugar in the glass before serving it-and that includes milk.

Mutual expectations

Naturally, as a Carioca parent you will expect a lot from your offspring. You will expect your child to study hard, get good grades, have nice friends, come home early, and not get involved with people of dubious character. But a few things you should never expect your Carioca child to do are:

• work as a cashier or in the kitchen at McDonald’s during summer vacation,

• do volunteer work at a child care center after school,

• work serving tables to earn money to buy a car, or

• do any housework.

In return, your child will want:

• a mesada (allowance),

• a trip to Disney World,

• a car when he or she turns sixteen, and

• presents on Children’s Day (October 12).

After school hours a carioca child will

Demand lunch.

Go to the beach.

Have lessons in English or French at the local language school.

Take Judo lessons at a nearby academy.

Have ballet lessons in Copacabana.

Swim laps with the local athletic club’s swimming team.

Play futebol de botao (button soccer) with the other pirralhos (noisy, irritating little ones) in his apartment building’s game room. Watch dubbed Japanese adventure programs or the afternoon novela (soap opera) reruns on television.

After school hours a carioca child won’t

Stay after school for cheer leading or sports team practice.

Have a part-time job at the local ice cream parlor.

Earn allowance money by raking the leaves in the back yard. Baby-sit the neighbor’s kids to save enough for new clothes.

Go home to clean up his or her room.

Help out Mom by washing or drying dishes.

Do any laundry.

Wash or wax the car.

Study.