How to Be a Carioca

Lesson 3 Arriving in Rio

Flying into Rio you will be landing at one of the world’s most efficient airports. And it is at the airport where you will have your first opportunity to practice being a Carioca. Memorize the following essential words and phrases. They will help you get through those first scary hours at the airport. Note: Phonetic spelling has been used liberally throughout this book in order to guide the novice Carioca towards correct pronunciation.

«E aí, mermão, beleza?» [ее ah ’ее merh ’mown beh ’leh zah]: «So what’s up, buddy? Everything cool?»

«O negócio é o seguinte…» [oh nay ’gaw seeyoo eh oh say ’geen tche]: «The story is the following…»

«Num dá pra dá um jeitinho?» [noon ’dah prrah ’dah oon jay ’tchee nyoo]: «Isn’t there a way around this?»

uma estupidamente gelada [oo mah eh ’shtoo pee dah mayn tche jeh ’lah dah]: an extremely cold beer.

At the airport: Upon arrival, disembark and proceed as follows:

1. Wait in the immigration line, get stamped in, and descend to the baggage claim area, which you will find empty.

2. Take a left or right (depending which airline you arrived on) and you will see a crowd rushing into the Duty Free Shop, the mecca for arriving Carioca travelers.

3. Follow the crowd, grab a shopping cart, and force your way through the crowd, filling your cart with the following:

• 4 bottles of perfume or eau de cologne

• 1 case of imported Scotch or vodka

• 5 tubes of Crest toothpaste

• 1 package of Hershey Bars

(Of course, you probably won’t need these items. But being a true Carioca you will always buy anything, as long as it is imported.)

4. Proceed to the checkout counter and wait in line.

5. After paying for your items, return to the baggage claim area and wait for your luggage.

6. Proceed with your cart, which contains your newly purchased items and hopefully your luggage, to the customs line.

7. Wait in the customs line. Once you are at the front of the line you will see a large black button. If upon pressing this button you get:

A. lucky (a green light), proceed directly to the airport terminal, making your way through the sea of noisy awaiting relatives;

B. unlucky (a red light, followed by a honking sound), turn left into the customs inspection line, and wait for an agent to inspect your luggage. In the unfortunate event the customs agent finds an item he wishes you to pay duty on, simply proceed in the following manner:

Step 1. Create a friendly atmosphere by smiling before shaking the agent’s hand when you meet him.

Step 2. Give him a thumbs-up and say:

«E aí mermão, beleza?»

Step 3. Pull out your previously prepared bogus receipt, pat him on the back and smile, saying:

«Aí, o negócio é o seguinte…»

(Your explanation should be dramatic, taking no less than four minutes.)

Step 4. Inquire as to the recent soccer scores and suggest discussing the issue at hand over uma estupidamente gelada.

Step 5. If you still haven’t received the desired response, put on an innocent face and say:

«Num dá pra dá um jeitinho?»

(You may not get out of paying the duty charges, but it’s always worth a try.)

The «jeitinho»: The Carioca will always try to find some way around a problem. This attitude is second nature to a Carioca and is referred to as the jeitinho (the Brazilian knack of getting around anything).

Therefore, your first Step to becoming a successful Carioca is learning to recognize situations in which you, too, can use the jeitinho. For future reference, the following are just a few examples of when resorting to the jeitinho might be appropriate:

• parking your car

• paying for a service

• looking for a rest room

• getting a job

• getting through lines

• dealing with the law

• resolving traffic problems

• taking a bus without any cash

• using a public pay phone

• getting a taxi at six p.m.