Mockingbird

CHAPTER 24 FOUND

I DON’T HAVE MY MRS. BROOK time because she’s still visiting her difficult sister.

Instead I have to go to recess with the rest of the class and miss little kid recess. I lost my friend in little kid recess anyway so I don’t really mind. What I do mind is passing Michael’s class in the hall on the way back and seeing Josh give him a high five. I don’t look at Michael but he says, HI CAITLIN! even though there is No Talking In The Halls and out of the edge of my eye I see him give me our special wave except I don’t think it’s so special anymore so I don’t wave back.

My class goes to the computer lab. Mrs. Johnson says we have free time and can look up any topic we want to learn more about as long as it’s not computer games. I read about Eagle Scouts and Eagle Scout projects. None of them are as good as Devon’s chest. Except that they’re finished.

I get a recess feeling in my stomach and try not to think about the Eagle Scout project that never got to exist. Or the Eagle Scout. I start stuffed-animaling the computer monitor with the window behind it into one big grayish blur until I hear Mrs. Johnson’s voice in my ear that we have three minutes left and if there’s one last thing we want to look up now is the time.

I suddenly remember I should be researching Closure because maybe there’s even a better definition than in my Dictionary so I look it up and this is what I find:

— the act of bringing to an end; a conclusion

— example: They finally brought the project to closure.

I see Devon’s Eagle Scout project in my head and think about how much he wanted to finish it and become an Eagle Scout. And how he was going to teach me how to do woodworking too. And then I start shaking my hands fast and my Heart is pounding in my ears and it’s hard to breathe and I hear moaning and it must be me because Mrs. Johnson says, Caitlin are you all right? And I hear myself scream to the whole world and I think in my head, Now I know how to experience an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event! and Mrs. Johnson is gripping my shoulders and shaking me and I don’t even mind and she screams, What is it? What is it? and I shout loud enough for Devon to hear me up in Heaven, I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT!